Thursday, December 16, 2004

Ohio Oh No!

(yes, that's the best title I could come up with)

At two precincts located at Benedictine, both heavily Democratic, Libertarian Michael Badnarik received 164 votes, almost half as many as Kerry, who got 334. In the adjacent precinct, Constitution Party candidate Michael Peroutka received 215 votes to Kerry's 299.

This happened because two precincts were housed at the same facility. Each precinct had a different ballot. Each precinct's machine was set up to read the ballot intended for it.

But poll workers told voters they could go to any machine-- and so voters with a ballot from one precinct went into another precinct's voting machine.

The punchcard reader, therefore, read the vote incorrectly.

For those of you that don't know Badnarik, here is one of his more controversial positions:

"Michael Badnarik supports ending the insane "War on Drugs" and drug prohibition entirely."

So lets assume the people who voted for him don't want heroin to be legalized.

For those of you that don't know Petroutka-- lets just say that if he was President and you performed an abortion, you'd be put to death.

So lets say that the people in this Democratic leaning county don't necessarily agree with that position.

Yes, it's only a couple hundred votes-- but combined with the thousands of votes Ohio has already found were intended for Kerry, things start to add up.

Most likely not enough to turn the election-- but it certainly doesn't garner faith in the voting process.

And what about the races around the country that were very close? Could the problems in Ohio have cropped up there too?

Maybe Rove and Co. didn't steal the election. (Kerry certainly screwed up enough that they didn't have to.) But these voting problems are the result of a system where the two major parties control the voting booths. Aren't there any independents we can put in charge?

I propose a solution. It's so simple, I don't know why no one's ever thought of it.

Every year, millions of people fill out little cards by coloring in little circles. Every year, they get results back, detailed accurate results.

I'm talking of course, about the SATs.

Can you imagine what would happen if students took the SATs and got a statement back saying, "Well, we think you got a 1260, but it very well could have been a 1300, maybe even a 1450. But it doesn't matter, because you got into Rutgers anyway."

There'd be chaos. Parents would go ape. Schools would drop the SATs as a gold standard.

But the SAT results are rarely wrong. Some people may argue they don't accurately judge intelligence, which may be true, but there's no denying there's something greatly organized about the SAT system. You fill in hundreds of ovals (a paper record) and then a machine tallies them up. If something doesn't seem right, the staff will inspect the ballot, sorry, I mean test sheet, manually. And this is hundreds of ovals, not just the 5 or 6 that would be on a presidential ballot.

So lets have the Educational Testing Service handle voting. Cause these people know how to do it right. Hell, when a whole inner city class does well (Stand And Deliver), they don't say, well gee, "testing patterns have changed": they ask for a revote, I mean retest.

The ETS could even send you a "Vote report," telling you how you scored-- i mean voted.

Just give these guys the funding you give the party loyalists who administer the vote nowadays, and the ETS would be able to handle it. These guys know what they're doing. They're from Princeton.

And what's more important to our country? SAT scores or voting?

Let's get these guys working on the right thing. And while they're at it, tell me...

What score did Bush get?

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Bernie Babies

So, it turns out Bernard Kerik, former NYC Police commissioner, and George "Jesus Jr." Bush's choice for Homeland Security Director, isn't exactly, well, moral.

He had an apartment in Battery Park where he took at least two women, one of whom was Book Publisher Judith Regan, who, if you don't know, is best known for not giving me a job.

Yeah, I applied, got called in for an interview, then, they didn't call back. When I called a week later, they said the position had been filled.

Later, I found out from an inside source that I had been "too loud."

apparently, if I was bald and had a mustache, I would have had better chances.

But I digress.

Now it turns out this apartment, according to the New York Times, was one paid for by the city to house tired rescue workers at ground zero after the 9/11 attacks. Who arranged for this apartment? Bernie.

The thing is, no one knows for sure if any rescue workers actually rested in this apartment. And sometime in between 9/11 and the end of December that year, Mrs. Regan dropped by, according to witnesses. That's right. While workers were at ground zero, Mrs. Regan was seen in the apartment building. Bernie later rented the apartment for himself at below market rates.

Which raises the disturbing question:

Did Bernie use 9/11 to get himself a swingin bachelor pad?

It appears that he did. And why not? If Bush could use 9/11 to get himself re-elected, why can't Bernie use it to get some adulterous action?

And Regan made out nicely too. She got a sweet honorary police badge out of the deal.

I also find it disturbing that Bernie carried out his affairs in an apartment that has a great bedroom window view of... Ground zero.

In a way, I guess it makes him supremely qualified for the Homeland Security job: Even while he was in bed cheating on his wife, he was still observing operations at Ground Zero. Now that's multi-tasking!

Joltin' Joe Lieberman has been rumored to be a replacement, but with all due respect to the most electrifying vice-presidential candidate of all time, I have a better suggestion.


That's right. Swartzenagger. Who better to lead our defense than a guy who's battled aliens, robots, terrorists and Danny Devito all his life.

What? None of that was real?

Well, California voted for him.

Forget Weekend At Bernie's, let George Bush choose a Terminator.

If he's not available, I'll settle for Stallone.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Eerie, Really Eerie

December 13, 2004 DUBAI (Reuters) - Iraqi President Ghazi Yawar said in remarks published Monday that long-term instability in his country could give birth to an "Iraqi Hitler" if citizens continued to feel humiliated and despondent.

November 1, 2004 NEW YORK (Adam's Blog) - Free elections in January!!!! (Except 80% of Iraq might vote for the second coming of hitler)

Ok, so when I say it, it's not news, but when the Iraqi President says it, I think we should start taking the possibility seriously.

Has Ghazi been reading my blog?

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Getting Chummy With Rummy


"Spc. Thomas Wilson had asked Rumsfeld, "Why do we soldiers have to dig through local landfills for pieces of scrap metal and compromised ballistic glass to up-armor our vehicles?" Shouts of approval and applause arose from other soldiers who had assembled in an aircraft hangar to see Rumsfeld.

Rumsfeld hesitated and asked Wilson to repeat his question.

"We do not have proper armored vehicles to carry with us north," Wilson, 31, of Nashville, Tenn., concluded after asking again.

"You go to war with the Army you have," Rumsfeld replied, "not the Army you might want or wish to have."

Asked on Thursday about that exchange, the defense secretary said he believed the session in general was "very fine, warm (and) enjoyable." As for Wilson's statement, Rumsfeld said it could be constructive.

"I don't know what the facts are, but somebody is certainly going to sit down with him and find out what he knows that they may not know," Rumsfeld said."

Is it just me, or is it obvious Rummy is giving this soldier's question the big brush off?

'Find out what he knows that they may not know"? Yikes. I'd be afraid if I were Thomas Wilson. The last time Rummy sat someone down to find out what they knew and he didn't was when he authorized the torture of whatever arab-looking guy the FBI could find walking around.

We knew about the armor situation for months. John Kerry cited it in his speeches. What doesn't Rummy know? Does he honestly expect anyone to believe that he was in the dark about this situation?

"You go to war with the army you have, not the army you want to have"? That's great Rummy, but the guy was talking about armored vehicles, not soldiers. Wilson, and his fellow soldiers are the army you have-- they deserve some freakin humvees that can at least sustain the impact of a well thrown rock.

GIs in the Junkyard!

My uncle owns a scrap metal yard. I'm sure in the spirit of patriotism, he would donate some to our troops. Certainly it's better quality stuff than the GI's are finding in Iraqi dumpsters.

It boggles the mind that our soldiers, at this stage in the game, with all the money that has been spent, with all the mistakes that have been made, are still without the most basic necessities. Meanwhile, the war doesn't exactly show any signs of ending. January elections are no sure bet, and with over 150 political parties vying for the presidency, we could be in for an election mess that rivals Ukraine 2004 and Florida 2000. If you think the Sunni insurgents are mad now, wait until some Shiite gets elected-- then it'll really hit the fan.

And yet, Rummy and friends continue to smile, run us into deeper and deeper debt, and say everything is hunky dory.

Someone has to sit down with Rummy and find out what he knows that we may not know.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Immoral Highways

“Every time I have been out in the public with an ‘I-69’ button on my lapel, teenagers point and snicker at it. I have had many ask me if they can have my button. I believe it is time to change the name of the highway. It is the moral thing to do.”

Read the whole story, here: Interstate 69!

(courtesy of Eric Alterman)

Thursday, November 18, 2004

The Bush Family

Well, just like the pundits predicted, Bush is reaching out to the democrats and making his second term surprisingly centrist.

He just offered the Democratic senator from Nebraska a nice little cabinet position, for the Department of Agriculture. All the Democratic senator needs to do is give up his senate post, and allow the Republican governor of Nebraska to select a new senator in his place. A senator that the red staters will approve of. Reaching out-- this is what Bush calls his attempt to get another Republican seat in the senate.

What a nice guy.

Also today, after voting to allow criminals to be congressional leaders, the Republicans announced that they were considering changing voting rules, making it impossible for the Democrats to use a filibuster. Much like they did in Texas, causing the redistricting that got 4 democrats out of the house.

Seems fair.

And now that Powell is gone, Bush doesn't have anybody who would even suggest an alternative to him, for fear of beheading.

Bush: "I think 2 + 2 = 5."

Condasleeza: "Sounds right."

This Op-Ed, from the Times, puts it best. Bush's government is all about family. A weird Stepford family.

From The New York Times:

A Plague of Toadies
By Maureen Dowd


I went to see the magical "Pericles'' at the Shakespeare Theater the other night.

In ancient Greece, the prince of Tyre tires of all the yes men around him. He chooses to trust the one courtier who intrepidly tells him: "They do abuse the king that flatter him. ... Whereas reproof, obedient and in order, fits kings, as they are men, for they may err.''

Not flatter the king? Listen to dissenting viewpoints? Rulers who admit they've erred?

It's all so B.C. (Before Cheney).

Now, in the 21st-century reign of King George II, flattery is mandatory, dissent is forbidden, and erring without admitting error is the best way to get ahead. President Bush is purging the naysayers who tried to temper crusted-nut-bar Dick Cheney and the neocon crazies on Iraq.

First, faith trumped facts. Now, loyalty trumps competence. W., who was the loyalty enforcer for his father's administration, is now the loyalty enforcer for his own.

Those promoted to be in charge of our security, diplomacy and civil liberties were rewarded for being more loyal to Mr. Bush and Mr. Cheney than to the truth.

The president and vice president are dispatching their toadies to the agencies to quell dissent. The crackdown seems bizarre, since hardly anyone dared to disagree with them anyway and there were plenty willing to twist the truth for them.

Consider George Tenet, who assured Mr. Bush that the weak case on Iraqi W.M.D. was "a slam-dunk.'' And Colin Powell, who caved and made the bogus U.N. case for war. Then, when he wanted to stay a bit longer to explore Mideast opportunities arising from Arafat's death, he got shoved out by a president irked by the diplomat's ambivalence and popularity.

Mr. Bush prefers more panting enablers, like Alberto Gonzales. You wanna fry criminals or torture prisoners? Sure thing, boss.

W. and Vice want to extend their personal control over bureaucracies they thought had impeded their foreign policy. It's alarming to learn that they regard their first-term foreign policy - a trumped-up war and bungled occupation, an estrangement from our old allies and proliferating nuclear ambitions in North Korea, Iran and Russia - as impeded. What will an untrammeled one look like?

The post-election hubris has infected Capitol Hill. Law-and-order House Republicans changed the rules so Tom DeLay can stay as majority leader even if he's indicted; Senate Republicans are threatening to rule Democratic filibusters out of order.

In 2002, Cheney & Co. set up their own C.I.A. in the Pentagon to bypass the C.I.A. and conjure up evidence on Iraqi W.M.D. Now Mr. Cheney has sent his lackey, Porter Goss, who helped him try to suffocate the 9/11 commission, to bully the C.I.A. into falling into line.

In an ominous echo of the old loyalty oaths, Mr. Goss has warned employees at the agency that their job is to "support the administration and its policies in our work.''

Mr. Bush doesn't want any more leaks, like the one showing that he was told two months before invading Iraq that such a move could lead to violent internal conflict and more support for radical Islamists.

Mr. Goss has managed to make the dysfunctional C.I.A. even more dysfunctional. Instead of going after Al Qaeda, he's busy purging top-level officials who had been going after Al Qaeda - replacing them with his coterie of hacks from Capitol Hill.

Mr. Cheney is letting his old mentor, Rummy, stay on. What does it matter if the Rummy doctrine - dangerously thin allotments of forces, no exit strategy, snatching State Department occupation duties and then screwing them up - has botched the Iraq mission and left the military so strapped it's calling back old, out-of-shape reservists to active service?

Condi Rice and Stephen Hadley did not do their jobs before 9/11 in coordinating the fight against Al Qaeda, and they did not do their jobs after 9/11 in preventing the debacle in Iraq. They not only suppressed evidence Americans needed to know that would have debunked the neocons' hyped-up case for invading Iraq; they helped shovel hooey into the president's speeches.

Dr. Rice pitched in to help Dr. No whip up that imaginary mushroom cloud. Condi's life story may be inspirational. But the way she got the State Department job is not.

Not only are the Bush officials who failed to protect the country and misled us into war not losing their jobs. They're getting promoted.

Also, see CNN: Bush Fund Raisers Get Rewarded

Right now, the only hope we have is that this government goes bankrupt and can no longer pay police or judges to enforce the draconian laws they place upon our society, or be able to fund preemptive wars against third world countries.

Even though, I'm sure, in any case, Bush will still get paid.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Bush Ignores World, Says Photo Ops More Important

Bush chokes his Turkey
Don't even think about it, lunchmeat
Well, We're All F*cked

Russia Plans New Nukes

Well, the world just keeps getting safer. I swear, when is Bill Clinton going to stand up an say, hey Bush, enough fuck ups-- I'm taking over.

If we don't stage a coup now, it'll be too late. You think Bush is able to handle this shit? Do you really?

Yeah, he might be able to ban gay marriage. He might even be able to force raped women to carry their rapist's child. But do any of you who voted for Bush think he can handle a war in Iraq, a humanitarian crisis in Sudan, a civil war in the Ivory Coast, the middle east peace process, Bin Laden, and now THIS!?!?!!?

Bush, a guy who averaged a C+ in college? And that was only because Yale doesn't give out any D's?

I'm scared. No, I'm terrified. I can't take this. The world is going to shit.

Is it Bush's fault? Well, depends on how you look at it. But lets imagine that none of it is. That leads to the original question.

Do you think Bush can handle it?!?!?!

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're going to say. Kerry couldn't handle it either. Maybe you're right. But at least Kerry wasn't a dumbass.

The frightening part is, after nuclear war, there will be no place to move. Canada? Forget it.

I'm thinking of building a spaceship, and starting over on a new planet.

Anyone want to join me?

Preferably girls.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Am I Just A Weirdo?

Am I the only one that sees something very funny in this picture/article?

Man Holding His Squid

Could Warming Lead to Squid Boom?

Scientists Say Tentacled Creatures Thrive When Waters Warm Up


Nov. 15, 2004 - As evidence mounts of possible global warming and overfishing, there may be a flip side to the dire news: an abundance of calamari.

Research has shown that many squid, octopuses and other sucker-bearing members of the cephalopod family don't appear to be too troubled by a minor increase in ocean temperature. In fact, when it's a little warmer, some thrive. Plus, as the fishing industry captures more and more of the animals' predators, such as tuna, cephalopods may see their niche expand.

"The good news is they taste great," said John Forsythe, an expert on the creatures from the National Resource Center for Cephalopods near Houston. "They're pure protein and they have no bones."

A study released last week said in the past half-century, average yearly temperatures in Alaska and Siberia have risen by about 3.6 degrees to 5.4 degrees Fahrenheit, while winters in Alaska and western Canada warmed by about 5 degrees to 7 degrees. Scientists say this evidence points to an overall trend of warming temperatures and waters worldwide.

It's uncertain how such warming could affect different animal species, but some believe that cephalopods will thrive.

"For shallow water species, warming temperatures is likely to expand their range and speed up their growth," said George Jackson, a squid expert at the University of Tasmania.

Ballooning in the Heat
Research has shown that even a slight increase in water temperature can make the animals balloon in size. This is because their digestive enzymes work faster when warm.

"For cephalopods, temperature appears to be an accelerator," said Forsythe.

Jackson recently estimated the total body mass of the animals has already exceeded that of humans on Earth. Past research has suggested that sperm whales alone consume more than 100 million tons of squid every year. Jackson reasons if that estimate just covers squid eaten by one predator species, then their total mass must exceed that of humans, which represent half of 1 percent of the total biomass on Earth, according to the World Wildlife Foundation.

Meanwhile, fishing rates of another predator, tuna, have doubled from 2 million to 4 million tons a year since 1994, which means more squid may have escaped being eaten. Couple these factors with slightly warmer waters and you have a boom.

Anecdotal evidence has hinted at the success of the animals. Fishermen off the coast of New Zealand and Australia have been pulling up more squid in their nets in recent years. And on the West Coast of the United States, from Southern California to Alaska's shores, a series of widespread sightings and beachings of the enormous Humboldt squid has scientists puzzled and pointing to possible warmer temperatures in these waters.

Humboldt squid, also known as flying jumbo squid, can reach 7 feet to 15 feet in length and weigh as much as 100 pounds. Their growth rate is also astounding. A young squid 2 millimeters in length can grow to a meter in a single year.

"That's like a human baby growing to the size of a whale in one year," said William Gilly, a biologist at Stanford University's Hopkins Marine Station in Pacific Grove, Calif., who has been studying the species.

Over the past few months, the voracious animals with probing arms and tentacles have appeared as far north as the Alaskan coast. Gilly chalks up their northern appearances to a bump in warming in these areas and the animal's flexible biology.

"The species seems to be pretty adaptable to temperature, so if temperature opens up new niches, they just move in," he said. "They're not picky."

Not All Squid Are Alike
But other squid experts point out not all cephalopods may do well in warming conditions. Steve O'Shea, a senior research fellow at Auckland University in New Zealand, says squid that reside mostly in surface waters may be more flexible than those that hover in the ocean's permanently chilly deep depths. And cephalopods that hang out in colder regions of the globe, like the colossal squid (the largest known squid that has been found off the coast of Antarctica), may be more vulnerable to temperature change.

"A warming of the oceans could also result in the demise of cold-water, deep-sea species of squid," he said.

He adds that fishing isn't only affecting fish species. Cephalopods are often snagged in nets and trawlers who drag nets on the ocean floor can destroy clusters of their eggs.

"Seven species of octopus and squid in New Zealand waters are already considered extinct or seriously impacted by deep sea fisheries," he said. "This is the opposite side of the coin."

Jackson says despite the uncertainty about colder-water cephalopods, he has no doubt that a shift is under way.

"We're replacing one ecosystem -- fish -- with another -- cephalopods," he said. "There's no way of knowing what impact that will have."

Forsythe suggests one consequence could be a change in the American palate.

"In North America, squid aren't that popular yet," he said. "But when fish are $10 a pound and squid are $4 a pound, people will start to say 'Hmm, wonder if I can find a good recipe for that?'

"I think that's inevitable."

Copyright © 2004 ABC News Internet Ventures

(The Funny Thing: The authors name is Amanda ONION!!! Ha!)

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Arafat Had Chance To Be A Hero

Yasser Arafat died today. Unlike the plans of the Israeli governemnt, I don't intend to put out a propoganda campaign against him. Anyone who looks at the facts knows Arafat was no hero. He could have been, but ultimately, his distrust was his undoing.

In July of 2000, Arafat could have had what the Palestinians had always wanted. Their own state. They were closer than ever before. The proposal was there on the table at Camp David. Israeli withdrawal from the Gaza strip and 95 percent of the west bank. Arab control of East Jerusalem and the controversial Temple Mount. Arab refugees allowed back to their homes. Everything was there for the taking-- hell, Clinton was even offering a Monica BJ-- and Arafat said no.

Two months later, the second Palestinian infantada began, and Arafat didn't stop it.

The Washington Post has a fair minded account of Arafat's life: Arafat's Dream

If Arafat had signed that deal, there would be a Palestinian state and we probably wouldn't have had a 9/11. We probably wouldn't be in Iraq right now. Sometimes the future of the world can be decided by just one man.

Hopefully now, a leader can step into the void and dedicate the PLO to peace-- so we can finally bring an end to the conflict, and have an Israel and a Palestine, side by side.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Weird World

So I went to Macy's today in Herald Square on my lunch break to buy some winter clothes. Of course, I didn't realize that the store is completely for women. By the time I had ridden the escalators all the way to the 5th floor, I had gathered, from the racks of women's clothes that continued to confront me at every turn, that I had made a horrible mistake, and I was the only guy, surrounded by woman shoppers.

And I couldn't find my way out. Everywhere I looked were racks upon racks of pantsuits, blouses, skirts. 15% to 20% off. Every escalator continued to go up, where, I imagined, there existed about thirty other floors of wall to wall women's wear.

I was panicked. I had only ten minutes to get back to work and I was starting to get dizzy from the maddening floral perfume that was holding the air hostage.

Finally, after a diligent search (of course I didn't ask directions), I found a way down. As I was about to step onto the escalator, I heard a voice. "Excuse me."

I turned and saw a girl, probably not much younger than me. "Excuse me, could you help me?"

I wasn't sure if she thought I was a salesperson, or if she simply assumed, being that I was the only guy around, that I knew something about women's clothes.


"Could you help me up the escalator?"

I looked at her. She appeared healthy.



"Are you serious?"

"Yeah," she replied.

So we went over to the escalator up.

"Hold my hand?"

So I did.

We headed up, and I desperately tried to make some sort of small talk to make the situation less awkward.

"So... you don't like escalators?"



"Why are you here?" she asked me.

"Shopping," I replied.

"In the women's section?"

"Um, I'm shopping for a friend."

"I'm shopping for my mother, but I don't know what she likes."

"Well, what does she usually wear?"

"Stripes," the girl said. "She wears a lot of stripes."

"I'm not sure where the stripes are," I said.

After helping her up the escalator, she realized that it was the wrong floor, and I helped her back down the escalator, holding her hand. At the bottom, we parted ways.

"Thanks," she said.

"No problem."

The ride back down to the jewelry and cosmetics was uneventful. I just kept thinking about what had happened. SO strange. So odd.

Then, on my way out, I saw a midget woman pushing a baby stroller.

I am never shopping at Macy's again.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Save The Babies... (and the eggs and sperm)

Pharmacists Refuse To Give Out The Pill"

So its not bad enough that these so-called moral people want mothers to die from pregnancy complications and rape victims to suffer-- they also want to promote teenage pregnancy and world overpopulation!!!!

I thought life started at conception. Now it apparently starts the moment of penetration. Of course, if this trend of moving the moment of life backwards continues, it will soon be illegal to wear pants, because they get in the way of "creating life."

Of course, the pantsless masses must never EVER touch each other before marriage. That would be a sin.

And once theyre together, they can't EVER be apart. No divorce anymore. Even in cases of abuse!

You see, it doesn't stop. It doesn't ever stop with these people. I don't mean to be alarmist, but I work at a magazine where i read letters from readers saying we're going to hell because a girl's shirt is too tight.

So I'm scared.

Religion is a great, powerful force, which has the capacity for great altruism, justice, truth, and compassion. What scares me is the evidence that it is being hijacked by those using it as a tool of hate, fear, and oppression.

This should be as much an outrage to the religious as it is the secular. Because once the fundamentalists grab hold, they're going to be harder to break. They have more kids than us. They indoctrinate their kids and keep them from society. These people will grow if we give them enough water.

We deeply need more spirituality, more religion; but we need the religion to lift up the world, and honor that we are all creations on this planet, worthy of our opinions and beliefs. We need religion to be a light that comforts us, not a hammer that beats us down. Otherwise, religion becomes another word, a word more sinister in its intent: Theocracy.

We don't need to become an Iran to become a nation of morality.

What we need is freedom. "Free to fall," and free to rise.

We're best when we compromise for the better of all. Not when we protheletize our own sense of right and wrong.

Its moral to save people.
Its immoral to punish them.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Missing The Point

"Many people of religious faith know someone who is gay. Opponents to gay marriage are not all bigots. They just believe that gay marriage defies centuries of history, culture and even natural law. They do not feel the Democratic Party is even open to their arguments -- much less actually sharing their concerns." -Brian Healy, CBS News, Bullshit Here

I read this today and wondered who Brian Healy is. Because someone this brain dead should not be working for CBS News.

Ok, so gay marriage defies centuries of history? So does the whole concept that black people are the same as white people. Of course, many of the people who oppose gay marriage were the same people resisting that.

Defies culture? The American divorce rate is close to 50%. That defies our culture, pre-1950's. So lets outlaw that.

Oh, also something that defied our culture- integration.

Defies Natural Law? Were gay people made in test tubes? Was this some scientific experiment to piss religious people off? What are homosexuals if not made by the same creator as us? Was God breaking the law when he made Elton John?

Someone give me an argument. Someone show me some figures that show gay marriage will destroy the world. Someone show me where the bible says, in these exact words: "Gay people should not be married." I know for a fact that gay marriage is not outlawed in the bible. Gay sex may be condemned (depending on your interpretation), but the bible writers never said they couldn't get married. So let them get married and we'll just assume they're being celibate. Kinda like how we imagine our parents as being.

I also seriously question whether the people who advocate the ban on gay marriage "know" gay people. You don't "know" gay people by watching "The Rosie O'Donnell Show."

Not bigoted? I can't even tell you how rediculous that is.

Brian Healy?

You don't get it.

Of course the Democratic party isn't open to their arguments.

They have none.
It Begins

Creationism in Schools!!!
Lets Force Our Bigotry On Schoolchildren!!!

Yeah, well, that Darwin guy was a nut anyway. And the "dinosaurs" are just part of a liberal baby killing conspiracy.

And now the Republicans are attacking their own. Arlen Specter is being put down on Fox News daily for his comments about confirming Bush's Supreme Court nominees. All he said was that Bush might have a hard time winning over Democrats on a anti-abortion nominee.


Of course, anything that smells like dissent in the ranks causes Republicans to flip inside out, exposing their tiny, tiny hearts to the elements. So they were upset.

My theory is that the Republicans would have no problem with Specter's comments had he been, say, Strom Thurmond.


Because Spector is Jewish.

Yeah yeah, I know what you're gonna say. No, its not about that. This isn't an anti-semitic thing. Bullshit. I'm not like Uncle Leo from Seinfeld. But I honestly think the Republicans think a pro-choice, northeastern jew must be a democrat. Because Specter is Jewish, the Republicans hear words that sound close to a warning and they yell "Democrat!!!" despite the fact that Bush campaigned strongly for Specter in his reelection bid.

If Specter was a southern senator and say, his name was Jim Bunnings, I bet those guys would go a little easier on him. Or defend him at least when the "Right to Life (except for the mother!) Committee urges putting his head on a pike.

I applaud Specter for not letting his party affiliation poison his sense of decency.

It's funny, because Bush in his campaign said he wouldn't apply a litmus test for a Supreme Court nominee. The Fox News guys repeated it often. No one actually believed him, but he said it. Now that Specter says that Bush shouldn't have a litmus test, the Republicans go ape?

Yet another sad display of how Bush lies.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Purple USA

Found this on the web. When Bush thinks he's received a mandate, maybe he should look at this representation of America:

Quite a difference in perspective. Also, another version here: Stars and STRIPES

Also, for those scared about the future, check out how us kids voted: The Kids Are Alright
Where Kerry Went Wrong

The ideas were right. The policy was right.

But the campaign was wrong.

When you've got people... excuse me.. goblins like Karl Rove willing to do anything to win, you can't help them out. You can't be on defense. Maybe that's where Bush's terrorism policy is most useful: A strong offense is the best defense.

Kerry didn't lose because he was out of touch with America. He lost because his campaign was too slow to attack. With all of Bush's mistakes, the democrats should have had a field day. But they laid off, until it was already too late. Perhaps they too were caught up with patriotic fervor, the reluctance to criticize the commander-in-chief.

Newsweek has a great, brief breakdown of the Kerry campaign: Kerry Vs. Bush

Kerry had early momentum. He had blasted through the primaries quicker than any democratic candidate in recent history. But that momentum was killed by Kerry's reluctance to take on Bush on the topic of Iraq.

And then there was the flip flop quote, the one that the Bush campaign (and the media) seized upon. I didn't think this had much of a real effect at the time, but speaking to a moron... I mean.. Bush supporter after the election, I realized how huge Kerry's mistake had been. It planted the seed of doubt, and the Republican hate machine was more than willing to water it.

Kerry didn't come out strong against Bush's Iraq policy until very late. Perhaps he was fearful that Iraq would turn around, and he'd come off looking like a pessimist. Whatever the reason, Kerry was not saying the things his supporters wanted to hear so badly. Mainly-- that Bush had fucked up.

Because of this, Kerry allowed Bush to go on offense. Kerry allowed Bush to talk about gay marriage instead of Iraq. You think if Kerry was hammering Bush every day about Iraq that Bush would have been able to say even three words about gay marriage??

Kerry was too often on the defensive. When he went on offense, the tide turned in his favor. Winning those three debates set him in the right direction. And his last month, criticizing Bush's ignorance of the missing explosives, failure to catch Bin Laden, etc., brought Kerry back into the race, made it close. But Kerry was too far behind. He had dug a hole by responding to Rove's spin with long winded explanations-- that made sense, but, appropriately, sounded defensive. He should have deflected those attacks by attacking Bush-- something that he also started to do late in the game, when he turned around Bush's quote about "jumping to conclusions."

I loved it when he did that. And Kerry's last month solidified me behind him.

But the damage had already been done.

I hope the democrats don't take this election as a sign that they have to abandon their stances on social issues and pander to the far right. The truth is, the right isn't gonna fall for us. What can the democrats do?

Stop being (expletive for woman's reproductive opening, starts with p)s !!!!!!!

The democrats need to be strong. Solidify their base and attack the Republicans for their pro big business, anti-labor, excessive spending and war mongering. The democrats have to be on offense the entire time. When Cheney said Kerry threw away his war medals, and made a case out of it, Kerry should have responded with, "I don't think a guy with five deferments from the military has the right to question my sacrifice for this country." Instead of attacking the interviewer and accusing him of being a Republican.

Kerry should have gone on Bill O'Reilly. He should have gone on and stuck it to Bush. But he didn't.

(Instead we whined that O'Reilly was a republican hack. So? Your point?)

Kerry should have called Bush on his WMD jokes and that infamous golf swing-- but get this.. HE WAS TOO AFRAID OF WHAT THE REPUBLICANS WOULD SAY!!!!

He was afraid the republicans would paint him in bed with Michael Moore. (Not a pretty picture.) But the truth is, so what? Michael Moore, for all the 300 pounds of asshole that he is, WAS RIGHT!!!

My point is, the dems lost not because they weren't right. Not because they're out of touch. Not even because the racists got to the polls this year. They lost because they were a bunch of sweaty, unshaven (expletive for a woman's reproductive opening starting with a p)s.

It's time to stop being those, and start being just as big dicks as the republicans.

Caused if we don't, we're gonna get fucked.
Finally, The Explanation!

The Answer::CLICK HERE!!!!

P.S. (Nov. 7th) This seems like a more accurate assessment, from a more credible source: Morgan Quinto Education Rankings Note: Still 8 of the top 10- Kerry supporters. And who knew Californians were that stupid? (Actually, they DID vote for Ahhhrnold)

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Spinning Heads

So the Republicans won.

Bush energized his base. 93% of them voted for him. Meanwhile, Only 88% of Democrats voted for Kerry. That cost Kerry the election.

Who are these democrats that voted for Bush?

Well. A lot of them are old and senile and forget what Bush has done the last four years. Some of them just moved in from the Carribbean. A few are Jews that think Kerry slept with Yasser Arafat.

And some, shockingly, are people like you and me-- except they bought the Republican spin.

And its these people-- the ones that continue to say "Well, I didn't like Bush, but I didn't trust Kerry," that really are the ones to blame for our future. Which, if you haven't been paying attention, looks like this:

A gay man walks down the street. He is beaten by a gang of thugs. The police catch the thugs, ask them why they beat the gay man. The thugs respond-- "Well, he's different. He's not like us." "Who told you that?" The police respond. "Your parents?"

"No," the thugs respond, "Our President."

A 14-year old girl is raped. She goes to the doctor. The doctor tells her she's pregnant.

"What can I do Doc?"

"Build a nursery," the doctor responds.

Coathanger sales go up.

A woman puts an American flag on her front lawn.

"What's that?" A passing child asks.

"Oh, this is what the symbol of our country was before they changed it to the cross."

Two soldiers huddle in a bunker. The sound of gunfire echoes outside.

"When we going home, Phil? When are we going home?"

"Whenever they stop 'supporting' us, Ted."

Two congressmen walk into the capitol building.

"Remember before this place was called the Halliburton Building?"

"Yeah, and when the Carlyle House used to be called the White House."

"You wanna do lunch at that cafe by the Marlboro Monument?"

"Sure, right after we confirm this racist judge."

This is the future you get when you place people in power who have made it abundantly clear they favor the bigoted and the arrogant. This is what you get when you elect people who have flaunted their involvement with special interests and violent war mongers.

I spoke with some people who voted for Bush. They said these things, which I will disprove via a new method of incorporating facts.

"Kerry is a flip-flopper."

Kerry voted for the 87 million when the bill had pages saying how the bill would be funded. In other words, he voted for the bill when it made sense.

Then the Republicans took out those pages. And clipped on some pages declaring Teresa Heinz Kerry a ripe bitch. (note: I'm paraphrasing)

So he voted against it.

This happens all the time, with democrats and republicans. Bush voted against creating the 9/11 commission when he thought he would actually have to answer their questions ALONE! The nerve of that 9/11 commission, putting him on the spot like that. He flip-flopped after enormous public pressure, as long as he could have Cheney by his side, answering for him.

By voting for Bush, I'm supporting our troops.

While many of our troops are staunch republicans (they like their guns), this doesn't mean voting for a democrat doesn't support our troops.

It's the Republican leadership that is responsible for sending them to Iraq without body armor and adequate equipment. Its the ineptness of Donald Rumsfeld that put our troops in harms way without any plan to get them out.

By re-electing Bush, you're saying that every decision he made is right, from going to war, to allowing the massive looting and chaos after the fall of Baghdad that caused the Iraqis to hate us, to denying that the US had to follow the Geneva Conventions (there was a prison scandal about this) to failing to secure dangerous explosive depots, to his failure to destroy the insurgency.

It's not the troops you supported with your vote, instead, you supported the guy who is getting them killed with his incompetence.

Myth: Kerry Looks like Frankenstein

Reality: I think he looks more like the tree guy from Lord of the Rings.

Myth: Kerry's immoral

Reality: When Kerry saw atrocities being committed by US troops against Vietnamese civilians, he committed political suicide to expose it. This is after he saved the lives of his crewmates. Kerry helped bring down organized crime as a prosecutor in Massachusettes. Meanwhile, Bush did coke and used his Dad to get out of going to war. Bush was "born again" only after he nearly drank himself to death, and had been arrested for drunken driving. Bush hasn't acknowledged the deaths of any soldiers in Iraq to this day, refusing to attend a funeral, refusing to even visit Arlington National Cemetery. Bush ran a primary campaign against John McCain which accused McCain of fathering a black illegitamate child, in order to destroy the senator's presidential bid. Bush joked about WMD at a fundraising event, while soldiers died looking for them. Maybe we just have different views on morality. Obviously Bush voters think it comes down to whether a gay man can live like a human being or not.

"Moral Values" as defined by Bush, are putting abortion doctors and poor teenage mothers in the chair, restricting stem cell research, and declaring, by constitutional amendment, that "all men are created equal... except when they like men."

That's some pretty great morality there.

Myth: Kerry is weak on terrorism.

He was a war hero in Vietnam. He brought down organized crime. He is a sane individual.

Does anybody in their right mind think that Kerry doesn't take terrorism seriously?

90% of the containers entering our ports go unchecked. The cargo holds of planes go unchecked. Bush took thousands of police officers off the streets. Bush put ASSAULT weapons (the name the NRA gave them, not the liberals) back on the streets. Bush is giving New Yorkers and Washington D.C. residents less terrorism defense money per person than Alaska.

Bush has helped aid AL Queda recruiting. Terrorism attacks have gone UP in the last four years, not down.

Bin Laden is still free because Bush decided to send warlords instead of special forces to get him.

Is anybody paying attention?

No. If you're a Bush voter, it means you heard "flip-flopper," "weak," and "global test" and you ate it: hook, line and sinker. You decided that "flip flopper" sounded bad, and you decided to trust a president who insists that Clear Skies need more pollution, Healthy Forests need to be cut down, and Shock and Awe is more important than Smart and Well Planned. My head is spinning.

Get a clue!

Yeah yeah. Now is time to heal as a nation, blah blah blah. Enjoy the next four years. I know Osama will.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Black Tuesday

Today will be a day that millions of people will regret for the rest of their lives.

Four years from now, the election will not matter.

Freedom, decency, tolerance, peace died today.

Bigotry, Arrogance, Greed and Violence are our new gods.

Today Bush supporters celebrate, dancing in the streets. In four years, lets see if their sons and daughters are still alive, or off fighting in Korea.

I wish I could imagine things getting better. I wish I could believe it didn't really matter, that whoever our president is, we'll still retain the ability to live our lives in peace.

But given what I've seen, I can't have that faith.

Religious people voted for a man who has willingly sent their kids to die for oil. Moral values outweighed our security, the war in iraq, the deficit that will drive us to bankruptcy, Russian-style.

Religious people voted in a guy who was doing coke while Kerry was saving lives in Vietnam.

Religious people voted in a guy who has destoryed God's green earth more than any President in the modern era.

All because the guy said God and Jesus a couple times on the stump, and appealed to their hatred for gay people, gay people that most of them had never met.

In the end, the swing voters swung and missed. They listened to lies over reason. Strong wrongs over smart rights. And we will all suffer.

Evangelical Christians. Didn't they use to call these guys the Klu Klux Klan? Isn't calling them evangelicals worse than calling the Nazis the Socialist Party?

And old people. Congrats. You won't be alive to see how this election destroyed our lives. Good job voting for a guy who cut veteran's benefits, resists cheaper prescription drugs from canada, and favors big HMOs over patients.

Nov. 2nd 2004 will destroy this country. Rome wasn't built in a day, but it fell pretty damn fast.

Today we fell, because people confused God and goodness with the pandering lies of George Bush.

They confused strength with wisdom.

God Bless the swing states. They'll need it.

We all will.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Election Day!

People outside my old dorm. Someone bring the Republicans Hayden Caf Food!

Monday, November 01, 2004

Appeal From A Blue State

Dear Swing Voters, Republicans, Disenfranchised Democrats,

This is it. The Last day. The 11th hour. Tomorrow the polls will open and the future of the nation will lie in the balance. By now, chances are your decision has been made, and very little can convince you otherwise. But if you'll allow me a final appeal, I just have one more thing to say.

The top issue in this election, as defined by the voters, is homeland security. Who can we trust to keep us safe? Who will be the best man to have in the White House when the terrorists try and strike again? Who can help us avoid another 9/11?

Perhaps there are only two groups of people that can truly answer that question with any authority. The people from the two places hit hardest on that morning. The people of New York and Washington D.C.

On September 10th, I went to bed late. It was the first week of college, and my roommates and I still hadn't gotten the summer out of our systems. I went to bed feeling nothing but some lightheadedness. I didn’t have class until 12 that next day.

I woke up to see my roommate standing next to my bed. He had just turned on the television. I opened my eyes slowly, blinking them from the light filtering in through the window. “What’s going on?”

“A plane hit the twin towers.”

At the time, none of us really knew what had happened. The newscaster was saying it was most likely an accident. I closed my eyes, disturbed, but not unsettled. Then the phone rang. It was my mother.

“Don’t use this as an excuse not to go to class,” she said.

I hung up, and looked at the tower, looking like a chimney on the television screen. I was watching when the plane cut through the second tower.

My mom called again. “Don’t go to class,” she said.

When we left our dorm, at 14th street, the sun was bright, it was warm but with a cool breeze. We left through the glass doors, out into Union Square.

I’ll never forget it.

Everyone. Everyone in the entire square was frozen. They were all staring downtown. As we stepped off the sidewalk and into the street, we saw it come into view.

The towers were on fire.

If there ever was a vision of the end of the world, chances are it couldn’t have been anywhere close to as real as that moment. Dead silence in New York City, home to taxicab horns, headset cell phones and shouting solicitors.

Silence. Only faces. Staring at the same thing.

We went inside a couple minutes later. We couldn’t say a word to one another. What could we say. All that came out was silence, some bits of denial, a feeling that we weren’t yet awake.

We were back in the apartment and watching the TV when the towers folded in on themselves.

When we went outside again, they were gone. Nothing but the largest, thickest cloud of smoke I’d ever seen and never hope to see again.

Everybody stunned. A hundred faces in Union Square, all looking at the same thing. All incapable of any thought. It surged through your body, something collapsed inside. It caused some people to crumple where they stood, as others standing nearby when over, strangers putting their arms around strangers, not strangers anymore.

When they started to come, a few at first, gray dust obscuring their faces, we stood and stared, no sure what to do. Not sure what to say. The flow picked up and soon there was a flood, businessmen without briefcases, some of their pants tattered. Everyone dulled that same shade of gray. An ambulance passed by, screaming. Shaking off that same sick gray.

You know this. You know what you saw on TV, what you’ve read. What you’ve heard from friends and relatives. Even if you’re lucky enough to have never smelled that iron laced air, you felt the loss of innocence we all felt. How could you not? This wasn’t an attack against America. This was an attack against America’s people. This was an attack against you.

But here’s what you didn’t see. People stopping together on street corners to applaud the passing fire engines. Thousands of people in the park, holding candles, crying on the shoulders of total strangers. The scene as you walked in Union Square, fences painted with the faces of the missing, people curled up in the streets and passerby curling up next to them. College kids putting 20’s in Red Cross jars, clearing the shelves of Duane Reade to send supplies to Ground Zero.

We felt angry, sure. But even more we felt together. Our sadness became our link. We suddenly had respect for one another. New York City, for almost 300 years has been a place of fierce ethnic lines, tension between police and public, and rude cabbies, cutting off traffic. In the aftermath, you couldn’t hear a car horn. You didn’t hear a fight. You saw a cop and you thanked him. In the aftermath, we were united. We talked about rebuilding. We talked about how lucky we were to be alive, how stupid we had been to care about all the insignificant little nothings that occupied our thoughts, before. We didn’t feel strong, we felt weak. And from that weakness came the need to find solace in one another, to embrace our neighbors, to appreciate our differences.

We supported the war in Afghanistan. We talked about rebuilding the towers in Kabul. We cheered George W. Bush in Yankee stadium. We cried during God Bless America. Still do.

But then. Then Bush said we had to go to Iraq. And more than a couple of us wondered why. We had just lost nearly 3,000 of our brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, friends, cousins, neighbors. We didn’t feel arrogant. We felt sad. We wanted Bin Laden to pay. But Saddam? He was bad but, what did he do to us? We were confused.

And as the reports come now, worse and worse each day from the battlefront, we mourn the loss of our soldiers in a very different way from the loss of our heroes on 9/11. We mourn our soldiers with angry grief, because we know we could have stopped it. We know their deaths were not inevitable. We mourn with confusion, we mourn with protest. We lost our hearts on 9/11. Now we’re losing our minds.

Over 1,000 soldiers dead because of what? Because our President decided to use 9/11, and our grief, our loss as justification for a broader war? Meanwhile, our soldier’s sacrifice, and the sacrifice of the men and women who died on 9/11 is in vain. The murderer walks free, and gets free air time.

On November 2nd, New York and Washington D.C. will vote for John Kerry. The two places that got hit hardest by terrorism will be voting for a man our president calls “weak on terror.” The two places that learned the most about themselves, the most about each other, the most about terrorism and how it can change the course of a life, will have their citizens step into voting booths tomorrow and select a flip-flopper for Commander-in-Chief. The results will not be close. And this is from a state with a Republican governor, a city with a republican mayor, and a city where George Bush has lived for the past four years. On November 2nd, we will vote Bush out of office because we believe he has not made us safer. Not with the pitiful funds he’s given us. Not with this war that he’s given us. Not with the lies and policies that he’s given us, which have severed our bonds of unity and thrown them to the dogs of the religious right.

On November 2nd, New York and Washington D.C. will be blue.

We know what we’re doing.
Bin Laden Speaks

Replacing Conan on the Late Late Show: Osama Bin Laden!!!!!

Yes, he was once the world's most feared terrorist leader, but ever since Bush said "I'm not really worried about him," his approval rating has gone up uP UP!!!!

Yeah, he should have been killed by U.S. forces year ago, but luckily he escaped, due to the fact the armies surrounding him at Tora Bora were... you guessed it: Al queda sympathizers!

This guy has staying power... and he looks GREAT!! Did you hear some of his zingers on Bush, the evil monarch!? Classic.

Yes, we at NBC feel he is sort of a controversial figure. But so is Bill O'Reilly! He had a huge sexual harrassment scandal, and his ratings went through the roof!!!!!

In all seriousness... people think this video helps Bush?

Shouldn't it remind everyone of Bush's collassal failure???

In case you need reminding, before Iraq and Flipper: The Attack of the Republican Clones, there was this thing called 9/11.

It happened while the president was at a photo op. A photo op he stayed at for seven minutes.

It happened after the "president" spent the bulk of his first year hanging around his texas ranch, chopping wood. Sometime during his stay at his ranch, he received a report saying "Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S." Misunderstanding the title, Bush assumed Bin Laden was going to walk off his job and picket the loss of health benefits at his grocery store. He then went to bed, even though it was only 3:00 p.m., an hour after he had been rudely awakened by a fly buzzing by the window.

Read chapter 8 of the 9/11 report, a book that, if you haven't read, you shouldn't be voting. The summer of 2001, the system was "blinking red." There were so much intelligence on threats pouring in that Richard Clarke cancelled vacation for his entire staff.

Meanwhile, Bush chopped some wood.

The 9/11 report is very concilliatory, allowing that the attack probably couldn't have been prevented. But it's less concilliatory than the republican line would have you believe. While Bush and Cheney continue to say the 9/11 report found links between Osama and Saddam, the truth is, the report disparages any such links.

Whatever you believe about the attacks inevitability-- don't you find it the least bit disturbing that with all these threats, we issued NO ALERT!?!?!

Of course, no one lower on the totem pole had the initiative. And Bush was too busy watching the tumbleweeds blow by.

But ok, lets say it couldn't have been stopped. So what could Bush do? Oh yeah. REVENGE!

Get the guy who did this. Get the guy who killed innocent Americans, some of the best and brightest.

Of course, there was a problem with Afghanistan. Not a lot of oil. And while Bin Laden had killed a bunch of Americans, he didn't, as Bush said "try and kill my daddy."

So we had Bin Laden surrounded, but Bush was busy pulling U.S. troops out of afghanistan to fight the real terrorist. Saddam, not the guy he "wasn't too concerned about."

So Osama escaped.

And the soldiers left in Afghanistan are less than the number of police officers in New York City.

So lets assume that makes sense, and we'll move on.

So Saddam is the new Laden. The only problem is, Saddam hasn't killed an American since 1992. So how do we justify this war?

Hmm. What scares people? Human rights violations? Nah. Angry rhetoric against Israel? That only scares the Jews. No, no, I got it... WMD!!!!!

So we say Bin Laden's got the bomb... I mean Saddam... damn, theyre so interchangable! They're both foreign!!!

So Saddam's got the bomb. But no one believes us. Because the weapons inspectors have been there, havent seen anything. Because the only proof we have is Bush's drawing of a bomb, which looks something like a potato, which he's paperclipped to a photo of saddam.

But yeah, the UN hates Saddam. They're not fans of him. They're willing to go along. "Just wait a sec," they tell us. "Lets see if we can get him to let our inspectors back in to check stuff out. Let's avoid the deaths of our soldiers and innocent iraqis and the wrath of the muslim world if we can."

Bush: "No way! Cheney's runnin dry! We need some OIL! I mean... WMD!!!!!"

So we go in alone. Oh yeah, and England. Oh... and don't forget Poland. And those three guys from Guam. "Fuck the world, we America! America Bad Ass!!!!"

Baghdad falls in days. Bush dresses in a flight uniform, lands on an aircraft carrier, and under a banner saying "Mission Accomplished," says the fighting is over, and WMD are almost found.

Meanwhile, congress passes a law changing French Fries to Freedom Fries.

One problem. Those pesky soldiers. They just keep dying. And the media! The damn media keeps wanting to show those coffins!

Another problem. "Eh, those WMDs... well. We kinda.. well... we exaggerated a bit. Well. Alot."

But its all good. Bush can laugh about it. He bends over, looks under his desk. "No WMDs here!" What a riot!!!!

Some explosives go missing, the Green Zone becomes the red zone, we find out the statue of saddam was torn down by American soldiers, not Iraqi civilians, and guess what... those damn Iraqis have some sort of problem with their houses and wedding parties being bombed and being subject to random house to house searches.

Free elections in January!!!! (Except 80% of Iraq might vote for the second coming of hitler)

Ok. So these are facts. They're not propoganda. They're not liberal lies, although my take on them may be colored with some liberal cynicism. These are facts.

So after some political commercials, a gay-marriage bill designed to divide the country further, and a debate including the question: What have you learned from your wife? BIN LADEN COMES BACK ON THE SCENE.

Remember him?

How is this guy still alive? How is he still the head of an organization which never had its largest membership in Iraq, but in Saudi Arabia, Iran, Yemen, and the UAE? How?

Read above.

This Bin Laden video helping Bush? The very fact that Bin Laden is alive to make a tape should be the death knell for a Bush second term.

Should be. But people are stupid (sorry, I mean "swing voters"). They worry that Bin Laden is a Kerry backer.

Which is odd, because it's not Kerry who's responsible for higher recruitment, higher prestige, and higher motivation in Al Queda.

It's not Kerry who let Bin Laden live to see another day.

It's Bush.

A vote for Bush applauds Bin Laden's freedom.
A vote for Bush supports terror.

Hmm, you know what?

I guess Bin Laden did mean for his tape to help Bush.

I stand corrected.

Friday, October 29, 2004

Happy Halloween!!!

Scary costume ideas:

A Republican
Zell Miller
Karl Rove
Michael Moore
A recent NYU graduate
A fire-breathing dragon faced midget with knives for fingers

I'm thinking of going as an undecided voter. Not a hard costume. All I need is a blindfold and ear plugs, and a sign in each hand supporting bush and kerry. I can stumble around, looking confused, until I finally tear myself in half, trying to figure out what the difference is between these two very similar candidates.

It's all about Iraq.

No matter how you feel about abortion, gay marriage, homeland security, stem cell research, etc... it all comes down to ARE THINGS GOING WELL IN IRAQ?

The answer to this is not disputable. NO.

Of course, to Bush, "Freedom is on the march" and "We'll have elections in January" and "Those explosives were gone before we got there."

Unfortunately for Bush, it looks like once again, "fact" and "videotape" have conspired against him. An ABC News affiliate clearly shows American soldiers breaking seals on these bunkers, opening up barrels filled with explosives and then... leaving.

They left because it wasn't their job to secure the site. Their unit was much too small. They were on their way to Baghdad. They hadn't received any orders to secure the site, even though the Bush administration knew about the explosives.

Now these explosives are in terrorist hands. And Kerry is rightly faulting Bush for a catastrophic oversight.

Bush: "He's just not supporting our troops."


I don't get it. Kerry says it's Bush's fault, and Bush translates that to: "He's not supporting our troops?"

Last time I checked, Bush wasn't fighting this war. But he's been out of the office a lot, I guess I missed when he went to Iraq and fought alongside our soldiers.

Then, Guiliani, who I genuinely liked because he was more presidential on 9/11 than the President, before he started stumping for Bush, goes on TV and says its not Bush's fault the explosives are gone.


And the republicans seem alright with this.

So Kerry blames Bush, and he's against our troops, and Bush's crony blames our troops, and Bush is golden?

I don't get this.

The reason why Iraq is more important than anything else, is that right now, there is a void in the middle east. If we fail, the terrorists have a new home. At least Bush and everyone can agree on that.


Not because of our troops, but because of leadership. Bush went in with a war plan but not a peace plan. He ignored the advice of the intelligence and world communities, and as a result, there's chaos, and a whole lot of missing explosives.

While New York City continues to get less terrorism defense funds per person than Alaska, Bush has let tons of explosives into enemy hands. Clearly, Bush's "offense is the best defense" plan has a few holes.

If we lose Iraq, which is likely given the mistakes Bush has made and refuses to admit, then we risk something far worse than 9/11. That thing that Cheney loves to talk about and the christian fundamentalists love to build bomb shelters for.

If we lose Iraq, we won't care about gays, or stem cells, or janet jackson's bizzare nipple clamp.

We'll have more serious things to worry about.

Bush keeping us safe? He can't keep Iraq safe-- and that's a sign of things to come.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Thank You Kerry

From the Washington Post:

"Kerry also seized on Bush's statement yesterday that "a political candidate who jumps to conclusions without knowing the facts is not a person you want as your commander in chief."

"I agree," Kerry said. "George Bush jumped to a conclusions about 9/11 and Saddam Hussein. He jumped to conclusions about weapons of mass destruction and rushed to war. He jumped to conclusions about how the Iraqi people would receive us. He not only jumped to conclusions -- he ignored the facts."

"According to George Bush's own words, he shouldn't be our commander in chief," Kerry said."

Read yesterday's entry, "Thinking People Are Stupid"

Just got my second paycheck today. I keep getting richer and richer. I feel like I should buy something, but I don't know what. Last purchase was a Gamecube. I have no one to buy anything for. I don't really need anything. What should I do with my newfound wealth? Can somebody help me out with this? This is the first time I've even even seen this much money. How long until NYU hits me up for a donation?

So to all single women out there. If you want to date a man for his money, videogame playing ability, and hairy butt, please holla at me.

P.S. Congrats to Theo for winning it all, I'm happy for my aunt, uncle and cousins. Now that the curse is over, can Johnny "Encino Man" Damon finally cut his hair?

Welcome to the top Red Sox, enjoy it while you can.
The Odd Couple: George and John

"WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A freak tie result in the presidential election could mean the House of Representatives would choose the next president, a scenario that would favor Republican incumbent George W. Bush.

But since the Senate would decide the vice presidency, Bush could end up with Democrat John Edwards."

Wow, that would be a trip, wouldn't it?

I see a sitcom out of this:

Bush: Listen pretty boy, I run the show here.

Edwards: I thought Cheney ran it.

Bush: Damn, you're right! What do I do now? I'm helpless!

Edwards: Don't look at me, I have only one senate term experience. Kerry just chose me because I have good hair!

Bush: Who can we get to run our country!?

(Ralph Nader enters)

Nader: Lucy! I'm hoome!

Bush and Edwards: (unenthusiastic) Hey Nader.

Nader: I heard you guys might need a little help.

Bush: Forget it Nader.

Nader: But you said if I ran against Kerry you'd give me a job!

Bush: I gave you a job.

Nader: Decoy in Iraq is not a job.

(laugh track)

Edwards: I wish there were two americas... so i could go to the other one.

(Bill Clinton enters wearing hawiian shirt, eating a big mac, applause)

Clinton: Hey there girls, whats shakin?

Bush and Edwards: Bill Clinton!

Clinton: That's my name, don't wear it out.

Edwards: You've come to save us!

Bush: Finally, someone who knows what they're doing!

Clinton: No, guys, you got it all wrong. I didn't come here because I'm taking over.

Edwards: No? Then why are you here?

(Hillary walks in)

Hillary: Hey boys!

Bush: Aye Carumba!


Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Thinking People Are Stupid

Quote of the Day:

"A political candidate who jumps to conclusions without knowing the facts is not the person you want as your commander in chief." -George W. Bush

You may remember this:

"Iraq has weapons of mass destruction--lets go to war!" -George W. Bush

Also, how does one jump to conclusions WITH the facts?

Jumping to conclusions means you don't have the facts. A little redundant there Bushie.

I'm so glad i'm voting absentee ballot, with all the hell they're predicting for Nov. 2. I haven't gotten my ballot yet, though, and we're getting down to the wire.

I'm afraid that my ballot may have been abducted by a republican. This is the only logical explanation. Why else would New Jersey be a swing state if the republicans hadn't played a little dirty?

Interesting to note: Nader says NJ is a forgone conclusion, for Kerry, so I should vote for him, cause it won't affect the election. Nice to know he's concerned about throwing the election to Bush. Unfortunately, he also says to people in Ohio and Florida that they should vote for him if they want an anti-war candidate. Which I assume means Bush.

Also interesting- Alan "I hate black people so much even though I'm black" Keyes and Barak "I have a dream" Obama fought against each other on a topic that they BOTH AGREED UPON: A ban on Gay Marriage. Keyes, in his non-controversial way, said that adopted children of gay couples, "kept in the dark about their biological parents" were at risk of "unknowingly sleeping with a relative."

"If you can't know who your sisters and brothers are, there is no way you could avoid having sexual relations with them," he said.

Hmm. What a great point from the raving lunatic. Oh, one problem... adoption is practiced by straight couples too.

And the right wing loves adoption as an alternative to abortion.

I hope this isn't a sign of things to come. Next thing you know, Bush will force all pregnant women to keep their babies attatched via umbillical cord till their children turn 21.

The sad thing is, Keyes and Bush think their arguments are working.
The sadder thing is-- they might be.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Half of This Is True

"I'm going out to let my real talent show, not to just stand there and dance around. Personally, I'd never lip-synch. It's just not me." --Ashlee Simpson, Lucky Magazine


"Ashlee Simpson claimed a chronic gastric disorder was the cause of her lip-synching miscue on "Saturday Night Live" this past weekend. The singer said that acid reflux disease caused her to lose her voice and rely on a backing tape for her performance.

[A performance in which she stood and then... danced a jig!]

"It's so embarrassing," Simpson said when she called in to "TRL" Monday (October 25), "because it sucks. The total situation was a bummer.""

Luckily, no one found out that her sister, Jessica, actually uses a stunt double when in bed with Nick Lachey.

"We all do it," Jessica said. "Sometimes you need some help, or Nick's being really annoying and I have a headache."

"It's no big deal, to be honest," Nick replied. "I never sang my own songs. I always used a backing trac... Wait. What did she just say?"

Ashlee's father said it was his decision for Ashlee to lip sync.

"Did you hear her at the VMA's? Her voice sounds like she's blowing a german shepherd up there."

Her father added, "She also isn't nearly as hot as Jessica. I guess we know which child isn't mine."

Britney Spears-Federline, who has also been accused of lip synching in the past, released this statement on her web site about the incident.

"I'm just a girl, not yet a woman. My perogative is just so toxic right now. Hit me baby one more time."

Included with the statement were photos of the luxury trailer she and Kevin plan to live in, and several links to chewing tobacco retailers.

"I'm sooo excited about the new place!" Britney wrote. "It even has a tire swing!"

Friday, October 22, 2004

Bad Week

Monday, October 18, 2004

The Right to Bear Arms, but not T-Shirts?

"Three Oregon teachers were kicked out of a Bush campaign rally late last week and threatened with arrest for wearing this T-shirt: "Protect Our Civil Liberties," reports The Associated Press. The teachers, all of whom were appropriately ticketed for the event and admitted to it, did not say or do anything other than wear the shirt."

In other news, two people were kicked out of a Kerry rally for wearing flip-flops.

When things get really dull, I spend most of my time just reading the news. And as I read, I get the same two messages over and over: WORLD SUCKS--IS GETTING WORSE, and BUSH WIDENS LEAD OVER KERRY.

My mom, although I shudder to say it, was a Bush supporter early in the race. Luckily, common sense and convincing on the part of myself, my dad, sister, and 90% of the world changed her mind. Everyone else should do the same with their "undecided" friends and relatives. I mean, the only defense the Republicans have is... "Well, Kerry said something that I didn't understand." Hey folks, I can understand Charles Manson just fine-- I wouldn't vote for him.

Yeah, I have my issues with Kerry. Why is he against gay marraige again? How did his face get that long? But all things considered, I'll take a flip-flopping, anti-vietnam, golddigging, international veto-loving abortionist lapsed catholic over a president who hasn't read a report since 3rd grade, surrounds himself with yes-men and who extolls the virtues of freedom while denying americans civil rights and supporting Russian president Putin--who all but declared he was going back to communism.

Yikes. I gotta find something to do before my brain eats me. Anyone find any good games online that I can play?

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Ok, now I get it, THESE are the people voting for bush: Bible Nuts Cancel Halloween

Friday, October 15, 2004

How can anyone be for Bush????

I read that Bush has a four point lead over Kerry:

My question is: WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!?!^%#$

Can't they see our country has gone to shit? Aren't they paying any attention?

Firstly, four more years of Bush means 40 more years of DISCRIMINATION AND SEGREGATION.

Right now, we have a 5-4 "liberal"/"conservative"(extremist) balance in the supreme court. But 2 justices are older than my grandparents combined. They remember when John Hancock signed his name on his 7th grade history exam.

They also happen to be the justices most responsible for decisions on civil rights and abortion over the last two decades.

On the court there is a man named Scalia, who would exterminate the entire gay and black population if it were politically advantageous.

Bush wants to appoint TWO MORE SCALIAS.

That would be the end of legal abortion-- even in cases of rape, incest, and situations where the mother could die giving birth. This would be a boon for clotheshanger manufacturers and underqualified mexican doctors, but wouldn't really benefit anyone else.

That would be the end of affirmative action-- and most likely the end of "Equal Opportunity Employers"

That would mean the end to protection of free speech, the end of separation of church and state, the end of rights and priveledges of suspected criminals (which in this day and age, is everybody).

Gay marraige? Outlawed. Hello government-sanctioned discrimination!!!

Corporations will have a field day screwing over the environment and employees. WIthout fear of reprisals.

Don't believe me? Check out who he's appointed to the lower courts. There are more fair minded judges on American Idol.

Yep, four more years of Bush pretty much guarentees 40 more years-- of going backward.

Finally, the four letter word. Iraq. About the only two people in the world that think this war is going well are George Bush and Osama Bin Laden.

Everyday. Every day an American soldier dies. Wait, no, that's not right. Everyday MULTIPLE American soldiers die. And civilians. Is anyone watching the news? Do they think war is supposed to include civilian beheadings on a regular basis?

Two more words: Abu Gharib.

We need help! And Bush has shown he will not reach out to our allies. They in turn, have shown they won't help him. I mean, hes done everything but call the French frogfuckers.

Bush says we have a coalition. Yeah...

In a fight, you want the strongest friends backing you up. Especially when the guy you're fighting is a cheap bastard who throws sand in your face.

So who we got?

We got Hugh, the handsome, well-mannered gentleman who calls the shitter a loo, and Leon, the guy who built a submarine with screen doors. Oh, and we got Jose and a couple of younger kids providing us with spitballs.

These are guys you wouldn't sit with at lunch in the cafeteria, much less go to battle with. We need the whole school on our side, not just the ones we can bully into joining us.

We need Jacques, the rude guy who smokes behind the school and fucks a lot of hot women. We need Hans, the body builder who drives the mercedes and can consume a pound of bratwurst, 10 beers and still kick your ass. We need the UN-- a group of blue-helmeted policemen who, for some reason, really like to create this thing called... oh what is it... oh yeah... PEACE.

But wait, you say. France and Germany said they won't supply troops no matter who wins the election!

READ BETWEEN THE LINES. The German defense minister said he couldn't see it happening "in the IMMEDIATE FUTURE." He didn't rule out "the future." The French and the Germans want a new plan before they're willing to commit. They want to see evidence that we're changing from "More of the Same." In other words-- Kerry.

Hey, maybe Kerry can't bring more allies to the war. But we KNOW BUSH CAN'T. And we know his plan isn't working. He can print up a dozen "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED" banners, they won't make that anymore true than it was 1,000 soldiers ago. Freedom is not on the march, our soldiers are, and they're dying.

Make no mistake, our soldiers are heroes-- but we're asking them to risk their lives without telling them how to win. Without adequate support. We're putting them out there on suicide missions. We're asking them to do things that don't work. We've made Iraq into a slaughterhouse, the terrorists the butchers, our soldiers the stock... and we have no plan to get them out of there.

Can this administration ever take responsibility for its actions? If they're re-elected, they'll never have to.

There is no doubt. Four more years of Bush means four more years of Repression, four more years of Struggle, four more years of death, destruction and fear.

Wake up undecideds. There's only one decision.

Move to Canada.

Monday, October 04, 2004

The Future Is Now

I didn't really realize while I was at NYU how utterly useless it is to go outside anymore.

Now that I'm on my own, I've become aware that we are actually living in that glorious age where we can function normally in our own homes, without having to step out into the scary, scary bad world, which may get even scarier if Ohio votes for that guy who's "working hard" in the White House. Well, at his Texas ranch really. But you heard the man: He's working hard!! Who cares if he's never at the office?

Anyway, don't worry. Even as the outside world succumbs to global warming and killer bees and flesh eating bacteria, we can still live very comfortably in the friendly territory of our own bedrooms.

Case in point: My Sunday.

12:00 pm Breakfast/Lunch= Blunch was a sandwich, ordered from the second ave. deli. They take a while, but its worth it for that homestyle Jewish cooking. Which is now made by Haitian immigrants.

4:00 pm Called for my laundry picked up by a service. They pick up free, and its cheaper than downstairs. I used to do my own, but 2 bucks per load!!!?? Who are they kidding? Are my clothes going to come out of the dryer with Paris Hilton?

4:30-7:30 pm Entertainment: The Internet, Digital Cable, On Demand. Need I say more?

7:30 pm Dinner: Chinese delivery.

9:00 pm Exercise: Pushups, situps, barbell curls, tossing a mini football with Seth.

9:30 pm - 12 am Socializing: IM, texting, email, screaming out window.

12 am Adrenaline Rush: Re-run of last week's Rescue Me, the end of Passenger 57

2:00 am Bed.

Ok. So there are some problems. Eventually you'll need an ATM... but keep all your money in your house and youre good. There are plenty of jobs you can do from home (some of them even legal!), and for a nice tan, you can just lay in front of the window in your boxers... or nothing at all! (The neighbors don't mind, they get a hoot out of it!) Hell, if you need some intimate time with a real person, just invite the girl to your place-- entice her with takeout and some pay per view. Or money.

Of course, I had a reason for my lazy Sunday... a late night business meeting (party). But as the situation deteriorates out under the graying blue sky, isn't it good to know you can live easily behind closed doors?

Unless the phones stop working and the electricity goes out. Or the delivery men go on strike. Or they start charging for IM.


Too much paranoia. I gotta get outta here.

Monday, September 27, 2004

Welcome to The Oldest Blog On The Net!

Yeah, that's right. You read correctly. This was the first blog ever.

Well, maybe not the first, but I started this way back in early 2001, when everybody thought a blog was some sort of bowel movement.

Of course, I didn't know what a blog was either. I just kinda signed up and wrote some entries, which, as I realize now, reveal things that could ultimately ruin my chances for the Presidency, much like the Bush National Guard memos.

So those were all jokes. Really. My freshman year was all puppy dogs and ice cream.

What have I been doing lately? Well. I'm a graduate. Cum Laude. Which I'm pretty sure was a porno term until the Romans adopted it to mean "With Honors." I'm living in New York, working at a national magazine, and coaching the Cleveland Browns.

I guess this blog, even though it's the oldest, is pretty useless. As far as I know, Chris Matthews hasn't quoted me, and the Drudge report isn't picking up any leads from my page. In fact, I'm pretty sure that during this election year, my blog is about the least likely to influence any political decision, be it voting or deciding between ordering chinese or diner. And I'd like to keep it that way, because honestly, does anybody care what I have to say?

Please say yes.

Anyways, the above is what happens when you're too tired from work to write anything worth sending out to magazines or literary journals but you're too bored to IM and check the celebrity message board for new nude pics of Charlize Theron.

Till the next time, you stay classy USA.

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