Friday, November 11, 2005

Hero Pup Saved Cats From Catastrophe

Best Friends

If only we could learn from Ginny.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

What's the Media's Obsession With Lesbian Cheerleader Sex Scandals?

Every Man's Fantasy

If anyone thought the media was run by liberals, they're wrong. It's run by men. Who else would make sucha big deal about two cheerleaders, having wild passionate sex in a bathroom stall?

I mean, it's not really news. This stuff has happened for years. Hasn't anybody ever watched "Naked Cheerleaders Volume One?" You'll never look at a cartwheel the same way again, trust me.

This may be news now, but in a month, it'll be a Playboy spread.

They just got out on bail. Their fellow cheerleaders posted bond. Now that's team spirit!

Unfortunately, their intimate moment has caused the two to be kicked off the cheerleading squad. The Panthers Cheerleaders have always had a strict rule: No sex with the players. They've now amended that rule. No sex with each other either.

Why they gotta hate?

I betcha disgruntled and suspended wide receiver Terrell Owens wishes he was a Carolina Panther and not an Philadelphia Eagle. In fact, word is, he's been practicing for a spot on the cheerleading squad:

T.O. Likes Pom Poms

So has former Presidential candidate John Kerry:

Where Was That Energy During The Campaign?

And we all know Bushie can relate to the hectic life of a cheer queer:

Give me an W! Give me a M! Give me a D!

Anyways, if it's anything this whole sordid business has taught us, it's that every so often, God throws the horny sportswriters a bone. How else do you explain how Anna Kournikova got into tennis?

Girls, I sympathize with you. All this attention must be humiliating. You deserve some privacy.

You're welcome to stay at my place.

Update: Fugitive Cheerleader! And Footage Of The Woman She Beat!
Silly String Saves Our Soldiers

For real.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Letting The Terrorists Win

If Bin Laden's goal was to destroy our American ideals, and pervert everything we stand for, then he's succeeded beyond his wildest dreams.

Example No. 1: The White House, our beacon of democracy, is run by men who believe torture is a-ok. Who can we torture? Well, anybody. Anybody who they think is a terrorist. Nevermind that many of the "enemy combatants" have been released with no explanation as to why they were held. Where in the constitution does it say prisoners deserve a trial? Where does it say we can't torture people?

Oh wait... it's there, Amendments VI and VIII.

For all you "that only applies to U.S. citizens" crowd... read the language. No citizenship necessary. Oh.. there's also those Geneva Conventions that we agreed to that say we're not allowed to torture people.

How can we be proud of ourselves as a nation if we believe in torture? Jesus was tortured. Where are all those evangelicals screaming about how we shouldn't play Romans?

Dick Cheney would have you believe that torture is necessary to get us the vital information we need to prevent another 9/11. Nevermind that torture has been proven as a rediculously unreliable method, often producing false confessions that end up wasting our defense resources. Then again, maybe Cheney likes false confessions. They allow the government to declare "Level orange" and distract from whatever scandal the administration finds itself in.

Nevermind that some of the people being held and tortured are innocent. All they did was be in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong color skin. Is it ok to torture someone if they're muslim?

Sanctioned torture will destroy this country more than any terrorist bomb ever could. It makes us into the terrorists. It turns our soldiers into the sexual perverts and twisted masochists we are sickened by when we watch the evening news.

Bin Laden is free, thousands of Americans are dead, and Bush, Cheney and Co. are hard at work dismantling our constitution (under the guise of saving it!). We can all own guns, as long as the government can tap our phones, arrest us without cause, and read a list of our library books.

The terrorists haven't won yet, but we're doing them so many favors, it's no wonder Bin Laden hasn't been found.

Bush is working with him.

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