The Economy's Latest Victim
Who cares about Bear Stearns? Or Lehman Brothers? Who gives a damn about AIG? The economic crisis has hit a company far more important to America, and indeed the nation's psyche as a whole.
I'm talking, of course, about Hershey's.
Hershey's Replaces "Milk Chocolate" with "Vegetable Oil Chocolate."
It's Still Chocolate, Except Vegetabley
Inflation and gas prices has made the price of cocoa butter go up-- so Hershey's decided to switch to cheaper vegetable oil. A tragedy of monumental proportions.
What sort of country are we living in when a venerable institution like Hershey's (founded in 1893) is forced to change their legendary product due to a floundering economy? What's next? Dropping a stripe from the American flag because red thread is just too costly?!?
What would Milton S. Hershey say?
"Give them quality. That’s the best kind of advertising in the world." -Milton Hershey
In other news, Willy Wonka had to lay off another twenty Oompa Loompas today. Union leader Orangehair McGiff criticized the move.
"He spends all this money on stupid stuff," McGiff said. "A riverboat in the middle of the factory? A train that transports people a few feet? No wonder Wonka can't afford to give us a health plan."
A sad day for chocolate lovers. A sad day indeed.