Friday, October 19, 2007

Belarus President Wishes He Was Hitler

Heil... Lukashenko?
"This is a Jewish city, and the Jews are not concerned for the place they live in. They have turned Bobruisk into a pigsty. Look at Israel – I was there." -Mustached Belarusian Leader Alexander Lukashenko.
Paradoxically, Lukashenko added, "I call on Jews who have money to come back to Bobruisk."

Lukashenko's anti-semitic remarks came less than ten days after vandals destroyed 15 graves at a Jewish cemetery in Bobruisk.

Bobriusk was once a thriving city with a sizable Jewish population. Of course, that was before Hitler's armies came to town.

According to the always reliable Wikipedia:
Believing that German troops would not target civlians, many Jews stayed behind. Consequently, 20,000 Babruysk Jews were shot and buried in mass graves. Ghetto and labor camps were established in the southwest part of town. The conditions inside the camps were horrible and involved lack of food, lack of sanitation and perpetual abuse by the Nazi guards. Soon the Nazis began executing the Jews in the ghetto in groups of about 30. By 1943 all labor camps have been liquidated and the remaining Jews killed. The few Jews who escaped joined partisan forces in the surrounding forest and went about attacking enemy railroad lines. There is a small memorial dedicated to the memory of Babrujsk Jews killed in the Holocaust, located in the Nachlat Yitzhak cemetery, Giv'atáyim, Israel, as part of the Babi Yar memorial.
As one blogger points out, in 1999 there were just 1,360 Jews in Bobruisk out of 227,000 people, which equates to just 0.5% of the population. This .5 is somehow responsible for the downfall of the town?

Seems to me that Nazis and Pogroms were more to blame. If anything, the LACK of Jews is the reason for Bobriusk's downfall. They once made up 60% of the population, and the city thrived. After they were killed off and driven out, the town never fully recovered.

But apparently Lukashenko believes otherwise. Since he's been in charge, anti-Semitic brochures and books have proliferated, desecration of Jewish cemeteries is on the rise and the republic's only Jewish university has closed. He was once quoted as saying...
"The history of Germany is a copy of the history of Belarus. Germany was raised from the ruins thanks to firm authority, and not everything connected with that well known figure, Adolf Hitler, was bad. German order evolved over the centuries and under Hitler it attained its peak."

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Liberals Steal Dogs From Children

Robbie Republican

By Robbie Republican

Everyday in this country, I hear another frightening story about the downfall of the American family. Our values are quickly vanishing, and soon, we'll be left with nothing but a wasteland of homosexual baby killers, who will soon die off from lack of reproduction and return the land to its natural, God-given state.

The latest story concerns the recent dog adoption by famous lesbian Ellen DeGeneres. You undoubtedly have read my book, Lesbians Are Hot But Gays Are Not, in which I write that lesbians use the devil to convince certain parts of the male anatomy into approving of their lifestyle. On page 113, I refer to DeGeneres as "Ellen Degenerate." That's trademarked by the way.

But Ellen did a noble thing recently. Realizing that two pie eaters are unfit to raise a dog, she gave her adopted pup, Iggy, to a heterosexual family. If only more liberal free love drug addicts did the same thing. Ellen gave the dog to her hairstylist's family. The hairstylist's two daughters, 11 and 12, fell in love with it.

But when the agency called to check in on the dog, they found out about the transfer of ownership. Apparently, they think heterosexuals shouldn't own dogs. So they sent their Greenpeace thugs to the hairdresser's house, and ripped the dog out of the arms of its loving, and moral, new owners.

I am outraged. And so should you be. This is exactly what I'm talking about when I say that liberal America is on a rampage, seeking to tear out the pillars holding up the basic values of our country.

If a dog adoption agency thinks a lesbian junta is a fit owner for a dog, but thinks a typical American family is not, then who's to say that a human adoption agency won't conclude the same thing? It's a slippery slope, people, and the communists are greasing it up.

I urge every good, honest, Christian, hardworking, strong and patriotic American to protest this "Mutts & Mao" adoption agency. Show them that we'd rather let dogs get euthanized then send them into the hairy, brainwashing arms of the liberal lezzies.

My hero, Ronald Reagan, once said, "Win one for the Gipper!" I say, lets win this one for Iggy, for our children, and for America.

Next week, on my radio show, I'll talk about how the liberal media is using Hollywood studios to fool the American public into thinking the war in Iraq hasn't ended already.

Till then, God bless America. We're gonna need it.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Oh, My God-Oh, Mr. Roboto!

Is Your Robot Cheating On You?

Are you tired of dealing with the imperfections of your significant other? Bored of sexual relations with human beings? Looking for someone who's a bit more... high maintenance?

Well, there's good news. Artificial intelligence researcher David Levy believes sex and marriage with robots will be commonplace by the year 2050.

"Once you have a story like 'I had sex with a robot, and it was great!' appear someplace like Cosmo magazine, I'd expect many people to jump on the bandwagon," Levy said.
Obviously, Cosmo agrees. The picture above is Cosmo's vision of the future of their magazine, one of many future magazine covers mocked up for an Association of Magazine Publishers conference about media in the next millennium.

I think we can all tell where this blog post is going. That's right. It's time for the Adam's Life Top Ten Hottest Robots!!!!

#10 - Rachael
Replicants Rule!
With Robots Like This, Who Needs Humans?

Blade Runner's femme fatale didn't even know she was a robot... which is a minus in my opinion. What's the point of having a robot girl if she thinks for herself? That said, Sean Young is hot. Wait a minute... Finkle is Einhorn.... Eihorn is FINKLE!!!

#9 - AF 709
Julie Newmar
"Finally, A Woman Not Repulsed By My Sexism!"

I never saw "My Living Doll," a short-lived sitcom on CBS in 1964, but I know a hot robot when I see one. Apparently, the plot involved a scientist training the AF 709 in all the ways of womanhood, like following orders from men (this was the early 60s, after all).

#8 - Sgt. Eve Edison
Yancy Butler
Apparently, Robots In The Future Look Like Yancy Butler

On the even shorter-lived series, Mann & Machine (yes, that was the title), Sgt. Eve Edison was a sophisticated android capable of learning human emotion. In one not-so-classic episode, Edison's maternal instincts were "turned on" when she's placed in charge of caring for an abandoned infant. Maternal and capable of fighting crime? If only humans possessed the same miraculous abilities.

#7 - Maria
C-3PO's Girlfriend

In Metropolis, an evil scientist kidnaps a union leader and replaces her with a robot. While not the most aesthetically pleasing, Maria can perform a hell of an erotic dance. Sort of like Britney Spears. Joke! I love Britney.

#6 - Number Six
Tricia Helfer
Hugh Hefner Supports The Robot Community

The only robot to have appeared naked in Playboy, Battlestar Galactica's Number Six has the power to reincarnate herself after death. Which means she'll probably hook up with someone else once you're gone. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

#5 - The Stepford Wife
Katherine Ross
A Town Full Of Robots No One Else Knows About? That's Plausible.

Conflict: You're in love with your wife, you just wish she was less independent and had no emotion other than "eerily chipper." Resolution: You move to Stepford and turn her into a robot. Epilogue: Try not to be creeped out.

#4 - The Bionic Woman
Michelle Ryan
Part Human, Part Machine, All Sexy

Yes, I know. A bit controversial. After all, her brain is still human. But if "better, stronger, faster" applies to all areas of her anatomy, then I'm not complaining.

#4 (alternate) - Kay-Em 14
Lisa Ryder
Gotta Love A Robot In Pleather

Just in case you don't buy the Bionic Woman as a robot... In the horror movie Jason X, Kay-Em 14 continually blows Jason away, saving (some of) the people on board a spaceship from getting a machete to the face. I'm terrified of Jason, the character from the Friday the 13th films, so having this chick around would do wonders for my anxiety. Plus, she shows her boobs [link not safe for work].

#3 - Vanessa Kensington
Elizabeth Hurley
Oh yeah baby!!"

In Austin Powers 2, it's revealed that Austin's wife, Vanessa, is actually a fembot. Shagadelic enough to fool a super-spy, Kensington wins points for having that sexy British accent.

#2 - T-X Terminator
Kristanna Loken
Geez, You Ask Her To Morph Into Jessica Alba And She Gets All Shooty

For those who like their robot to have a little bit of attitude (and arms that turn into flamethrowers), there's the T-X Terminator from Rise of The Machines. Beautiful and deadly, T-X is made of liquid metal, which means she can take the form of anything... or anyone. Imagine the possibilities.

And now, what you've been waiting for, the hottest robot of all time is...


#1 - Rosie the Maid!
I'll Be Her Mr. J Any Day

She cooks, she cleans, and she's got enough sass to keep things interesting. And those gorgeous red eyes! What more can a guy want?

P.S. The Japanese are already way ahead of us in terms of creating the ultimate robot woman:

Oh those wacky Japanese! They've actually done it! They've created a robot woman! And not unattractive, I must say. Still, looks a bit stiff to me. And what's with all that jerking around? Can you imagine getting to sleep with that thing spasming next to you? I'll take Rosie, thank you very much.

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