My Strategy For Winning The War
by George W. Bush
Congress told me that I need to communicate with the American people about how we're going to win this war in Iraq. They told me people don't understand what we're doing there. So I'm here to tell you what we're doing, and share with you the detailed strategery that will accomplish our mission.
Step 1: Work Hard.
I know I've been working hard. And so has Dick Cheney. And Donald Rumsfeld. And all our troops over in Iraq. Spreading freedom is hard work. And we need to work hard to make it happen.
Step 2: Keep Working Hard.
This is an important addition to step one. We must keep working hard. Even if it gets hard to work hard. I'll tell you, it was tough this summer to stay focused, with all the hard work that had to be done on my ranch. But I kept working hard. That's the most important thing. We can't cut and run. If we don't keep working hard, how are the Iraqis supposed to?
Step 3: Make Fun Of People Who Say We Don't Work Hard
I haven't been to too many hospitals, visiting wounded troops. In fact, I haven't gone to any. But when someone who has gone to those hospitals, and fought in a war (I didn't do that either) starts to say we're not working hard, we have to make fun of that person so people think he's not working hard. Because we're the ones working hard. No one works harder. I don't have time to visit memorial services or listen to soldiers complaining. I'm too busy working hard.
Step 4: Take A Vacation
The thing about hard work is, it makes you tired. So those of us who work so hard need a vacation. No, not our troops... Me. I've spent more time on vacation than any other President. That's because I work harder than any of them ever did. Especially that Clinton guy. He barely took any vacation. Because he didn't work hard.
Step 5: Success
If we keep working hard, and making fun of those people that say we don't work hard, then Iraq will be a beacon of freedom in the Middle East, and the world. And Jesus himself will return to Earth and gather up us hard workers, leaving behind only the Democrats, the Log Cabin Republicans and John McCain. And then we won't need to work hard anymore. Because in heaven, coke is good for you and there are no dirty stinking lying journalists poking fun of your bad vocabularization.
So that's the plan. It's not a timetable. No war has ever been won on a timetable. The only way to win a war is through hard work. And we're working hard. We are. A lot harder than Osama. What's he done recently? Bring it on!!!