Hey Ladies, Want A Raise? Then Just Wash Your Hoo-Ha.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
The Five Worst Holiday Gift Ideas For 2010
I love holiday shopping. It's just fun to buy gifts, and it's especially fun to receive them. I even wrote a gift guide on this blog two years ago (some of those stores have since closed). But today, I'm writing about bad gifts. Laughably bad gifts that are available from major retailers this holiday season. These Ho Ho Horrendous presents are guaranteed to ruin anyone's Christmas or Chanukah spirit.
5. Pillow Remote Control
This is what happens when someone has an idea and never really thinks it all the way through. "You’ll never lose this remote in-between the cushions. Because it IS a cushion!!!!!!"
Um, yeah, it's also an uncomfortable pillow, and incredibly awkward as a remote. There's a distinct possibility laying down on it will change the channel. It's not exactly ergonomically designed and lacks easy navigation controls for today's menu-based cable and satellite systems. The sum of the parts, in this case, does not add up to a whole.
4. Tokyoflash Kisai Wasted Watch
Someone will want this. Someone will inevitably think this looks cool. But for more than $80, plus shipping and handling, this wristwatch will make telling the time... almost impossible. I mean, there's a whole YouTube video explaining it, and I'm still lost. Imagine if you're running late. You'd never know it.
3. Ballistic Shoes
According to SkyMall, these shoes can "defy gravity" and "catapult" your legs as you run. They also feature, for some unexplained reason, a sperm logo. Ball-istic indeed!
2. Beard Oil
As much as I like New York Magazine and their quirky gift recommendations... oil for a beard? Even if your man (or woman) sports a beard, it's hard to imagine anyone getting that excited over this.
1. The Vulcanite Anal Douche
This product was actually featured in Yahoo's Holiday Gift Guide (Under "Personal Care"). I guess that's why they're not as big as Google.
Of course, I guess this gift works if you're trying to send a message.
I love holiday shopping. It's just fun to buy gifts, and it's especially fun to receive them. I even wrote a gift guide on this blog two years ago (some of those stores have since closed). But today, I'm writing about bad gifts. Laughably bad gifts that are available from major retailers this holiday season. These Ho Ho Horrendous presents are guaranteed to ruin anyone's Christmas or Chanukah spirit.
5. Pillow Remote Control
This is what happens when someone has an idea and never really thinks it all the way through. "You’ll never lose this remote in-between the cushions. Because it IS a cushion!!!!!!"
Um, yeah, it's also an uncomfortable pillow, and incredibly awkward as a remote. There's a distinct possibility laying down on it will change the channel. It's not exactly ergonomically designed and lacks easy navigation controls for today's menu-based cable and satellite systems. The sum of the parts, in this case, does not add up to a whole.
4. Tokyoflash Kisai Wasted Watch
Someone will want this. Someone will inevitably think this looks cool. But for more than $80, plus shipping and handling, this wristwatch will make telling the time... almost impossible. I mean, there's a whole YouTube video explaining it, and I'm still lost. Imagine if you're running late. You'd never know it.
3. Ballistic Shoes
According to SkyMall, these shoes can "defy gravity" and "catapult" your legs as you run. They also feature, for some unexplained reason, a sperm logo. Ball-istic indeed!
2. Beard Oil
As much as I like New York Magazine and their quirky gift recommendations... oil for a beard? Even if your man (or woman) sports a beard, it's hard to imagine anyone getting that excited over this.
1. The Vulcanite Anal Douche
This product was actually featured in Yahoo's Holiday Gift Guide (Under "Personal Care"). I guess that's why they're not as big as Google.
Of course, I guess this gift works if you're trying to send a message.
Monday, December 06, 2010
I Would Just Like To Point Out That I Called Derek Jeter's New Contract
On November 24th I wrote:
According to the AP (on December 4th), Derek Jeter signed a 3 year, $51 million dollar contract with the Yankees this weekend.
When I came up with $51 million for three years (on November 24th), that figure hadn't been reported anywhere. I added 2 million a year to the most recently reported Yankee offer, reasoning that would be more in line with what Jeter felt he was worth.
Clearly, Jeter either reads this blog, or his agent does. I can't think of any other explanation.
On November 24th I wrote:
"If you're Theo Epstein, GM of the Boston Red Sox, you've got to be thinking of offering Derek Jeter more than $45 million for three years... Say $51 million for three years."
According to the AP (on December 4th), Derek Jeter signed a 3 year, $51 million dollar contract with the Yankees this weekend.
When I came up with $51 million for three years (on November 24th), that figure hadn't been reported anywhere. I added 2 million a year to the most recently reported Yankee offer, reasoning that would be more in line with what Jeter felt he was worth.
Clearly, Jeter either reads this blog, or his agent does. I can't think of any other explanation.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)