Opiate Of The Asses



I'm not ashamed to say it. I believe in God. Does he have a white beard and a deep, booming voice? Does he really dig pipe organ music?? I'm not so sure.

But what I am sure of is this. One reason God doesn't appear to us is that a good number of us humans are totally, freaking nuts.

Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock are among several celebrities who have restraining orders against some of their overly rabid fans. Can you imagine how many restraining orders God would have to get if he was walking around down here? Have you seen some of these nutballs???


God Would Not Give This Woman An Autograph

Two recent stories are perfect examples of how looney tunes some of these so-called religious people can be.

In the Sudan, a nation known for its religious tolerance and abundant good cheer, a British schoolteacher at the Unity High School was sentenced to 15 days in jail for allowing her elementary school class to name a teddy bear "Mohammad."

Nevermind that "Mohammad" is the MOST POPULAR NAME IN THE MUSLIM WORLD. For some reason, it's ok to give the name Mohammad to your son (who may grow up to become a drug addict, criminal, or any number of things offensive to the prophet's name), but to give that name to a teddy bear is illegal.

Fortunately, the Sudanese people are outraged by the verdict. Unfortunately, they're outraged because they believe the teacher's punishment was NOT STRONG ENOUGH.

At least 600 Islamic demonstrators spilled out of mosques after prayers, chanting: "By soul, by blood, I will fight for the Prophet Mohammad."

Some of the protesters demanded the teacher's execution, according to The Associated Press. The agency reports that some chanted: "No tolerance: Execution" and "Kill her, kill her by firing squad."

"Imprisoning this lady does not satisfy the thirst of Muslims in Sudan," a prominent cleric added.

Apparently, these extremist Muslims believe that even with all the poverty, war, and endless misery in the Islamic world, God is most pissed off that some teacher would have the nerve to let her students name a stuffed animal after his prophet.

If God wants his followers to murder someone over that... well just imagine what other offenses he wants his people to kill for.

Extremist Islamic Guy: Excuse me, sir, what are you doing?

Guy: What?

ETG: You double-dipped the chip.

Guy: Excuse me?

ETG: You dipped the chip, took a bite, and then you dipped again.

Guy: So?

ETG: Infidel!!!! (stabs guy with knife)

George Is Lucky He's Not In Sudan

I'm no prophet, but I think the almighty has more important things to worry about.

The other story in the news today is even more tragic. A 14-year-old boy had a 70% chance of surviving leukemia if he got a blood transfusion. He chose not to.

Why? he was a Jehovah's Witness. And they don't believe in blood transfusions. According to the boy's religion, he wasn't allowed to live. God wanted him to die.

The same God that allowed mankind to create medical breakthroughs that could save his life, didn't want the boy to use those medical breakthroughs to save his life.

These may be extreme examples, but they're not the only ones. There's people who say we'd all be better off without religion. I don't think that's true. But clearly, we'd be better off if God could just get restraining orders against all the nutjobs.

Perhaps he should hire Nicole's lawyer.

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