Friday, October 28, 2005

I Get Freaked Out By Horoscopes

Usually because they're pretty accurate, but sometimes because they talk about impending doom. Todays scary screed from the stars:

You might find yourself in a difficult situation, dear Gemini, when you are faced with a person who does not necessarily approve of how you are handling yourself in certain situations. It could be that one of your offhand remarks was misinterpreted by someone who is now violently overreacting to what you said. Be careful of shooting back caustic remarks that only aggravate the situation and elevate it to a damaging level. Your words will be taken more seriously than you think.
So if I said, or did anything today, to anyone: I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.

Let's go grab some milkshakes.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Fed Up With Federline

K-Fed's Clothing Collection, Coming To The Back Of A Truck Near You

Britney Spears Alexander Federline may be getting tired of husband Kevin's antics, reports MSNBC's The Scoop.

Apparently, Kevin just recorded an album. Britney laughed at it. The album was not, at least not intentionally, a comedy album.

Also, apparently, Kevin's been spending money and getting his hair braided while Britney tends to the chil'umns.

Hmm. weird. I thought Kev would make a great father. I mean... look how good he is with his first girlfriend's kids. He sometimes remembers their names.

Let the inevitable sex video come out and lets get this over with already. It's painful. Even ex-bf J. Timberlake's gotta be sad hearing this stuff.

Let this be a lesson to pop princesses and girls everywhere. Just because he may look good in a trucker hat, doesn't mean he'll make a good husband.
Pot Is Good For You moderation

New Study Finds Wacky Tobacky Better Than Cancer-Sticks

Apparently, a joint is better for you than a cool, smooth menthol. Exactly what Dr. Cheech has been saying all along.

Of course, most things are better for you than smoking cigarettes. Like shocking yourself repeatedly with exposed wires, and the ever-popular "all-funnelcake" diet. So this isn't exactly huge news. But don't you get the feeling that sometime, way in the past, a fledgling big tobacco (then called, "little weed") was like... do we sell the addictive plant or the groovy one? And they went with Nicky Nicotine?

How did icky sticky become illegal while a product that paints your lungs a shade that Sherman Williams calls "Obsidian" stay legal? I'm not making the argument for legal marijuana here---i don't think anything that can make a Pauly Shore movie seem like a good idea should be legal--- I'm making the argument that The Marlboro Man, Joe Camel, The British Parliament and Harry Winston all should become relics of the pre-cigarette ban age.

[UPDATE: I've been informed that, contrary to popular opinion, the British Parliament does not manufacture cigarettes.]

[UPDATE II: Harry Winston claims he's just a jeweler. But I'm suspicious of anyone with that many diamonds.]

It's already happening throughout the world. Smokers are being forced to fringes. The aforementioned British Parliament banned smoking in public buildings around the country. A recent report said that New York's smoking ban has been so effective only 18% of New Yorkers now smoke (Apparently, only 18% of New Yorkers are "the cool kids"). Smoking laws and restrictions are on the books or being considered throughout the U.S. Sales of Nicorette have never been better.

Next thing you know, Phillip Morris will stop selling cigarettes and start selling Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

Now, I have friends who are smokers. I know they may resist the end that is coming. What smoker wouldn't? There's something so wonderfully fulfilling about a small leaf filled cylinder that fills your lungs with noxious chemicals, shortening your lifespan in exchange for a 3-4 second buzz and a somewhat socially acceptable way to fulfill your oral fixation. I sympathize. I really do. But it's clear there will soon be a healthy solution.


Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Mind Control

Remote-Controlled Humans

Is This Harmless Fun? Or The Bush Administration's Plan To Subdue Their Opposition? You Decide.

In all seriousness, I don't know how well a device that's designed to send electric pulses through your brain will sell. Then again, we're ok with cell phones. Maybe our kids will someday make fun of us for living in an age when we didn't have remotes that could control people. Us old geezers.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

C Is For Cookie, Q is for $75 Dollar Fine

Turkish ABC Police Fine 20 For Using Illegal Q and W

I was trying to think of a word using Q and W, so I could make a joke out of how the Turks can't spell it.. but none comes to mind.

But Turkish Sesame Street better be careful.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Sad Fan

Sad Fan

Courtesy of Samantha

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