Weird World

So I went to Macy's today in Herald Square on my lunch break to buy some winter clothes. Of course, I didn't realize that the store is completely for women. By the time I had ridden the escalators all the way to the 5th floor, I had gathered, from the racks of women's clothes that continued to confront me at every turn, that I had made a horrible mistake, and I was the only guy, surrounded by woman shoppers.

And I couldn't find my way out. Everywhere I looked were racks upon racks of pantsuits, blouses, skirts. 15% to 20% off. Every escalator continued to go up, where, I imagined, there existed about thirty other floors of wall to wall women's wear.

I was panicked. I had only ten minutes to get back to work and I was starting to get dizzy from the maddening floral perfume that was holding the air hostage.

Finally, after a diligent search (of course I didn't ask directions), I found a way down. As I was about to step onto the escalator, I heard a voice. "Excuse me."

I turned and saw a girl, probably not much younger than me. "Excuse me, could you help me?"

I wasn't sure if she thought I was a salesperson, or if she simply assumed, being that I was the only guy around, that I knew something about women's clothes.

"Yeah?"

"Could you help me up the escalator?"

I looked at her. She appeared healthy.

"Uh..."

"Please---"

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah," she replied.

So we went over to the escalator up.

"Hold my hand?"

So I did.

We headed up, and I desperately tried to make some sort of small talk to make the situation less awkward.

"So... you don't like escalators?"

"Yeah."

Awkward.

"Why are you here?" she asked me.

"Shopping," I replied.

"In the women's section?"

"Um, I'm shopping for a friend."

"I'm shopping for my mother, but I don't know what she likes."

"Well, what does she usually wear?"

"Stripes," the girl said. "She wears a lot of stripes."

"I'm not sure where the stripes are," I said.

After helping her up the escalator, she realized that it was the wrong floor, and I helped her back down the escalator, holding her hand. At the bottom, we parted ways.

"Thanks," she said.

"No problem."

The ride back down to the jewelry and cosmetics was uneventful. I just kept thinking about what had happened. SO strange. So odd.

Then, on my way out, I saw a midget woman pushing a baby stroller.

I am never shopping at Macy's again.