Thursday, December 16, 2004

Ohio Oh No!

(yes, that's the best title I could come up with)

At two precincts located at Benedictine, both heavily Democratic, Libertarian Michael Badnarik received 164 votes, almost half as many as Kerry, who got 334. In the adjacent precinct, Constitution Party candidate Michael Peroutka received 215 votes to Kerry's 299.

This happened because two precincts were housed at the same facility. Each precinct had a different ballot. Each precinct's machine was set up to read the ballot intended for it.

But poll workers told voters they could go to any machine-- and so voters with a ballot from one precinct went into another precinct's voting machine.

The punchcard reader, therefore, read the vote incorrectly.

For those of you that don't know Badnarik, here is one of his more controversial positions:

"Michael Badnarik supports ending the insane "War on Drugs" and drug prohibition entirely."

So lets assume the people who voted for him don't want heroin to be legalized.

For those of you that don't know Petroutka-- lets just say that if he was President and you performed an abortion, you'd be put to death.

So lets say that the people in this Democratic leaning county don't necessarily agree with that position.

Yes, it's only a couple hundred votes-- but combined with the thousands of votes Ohio has already found were intended for Kerry, things start to add up.

Most likely not enough to turn the election-- but it certainly doesn't garner faith in the voting process.

And what about the races around the country that were very close? Could the problems in Ohio have cropped up there too?

Maybe Rove and Co. didn't steal the election. (Kerry certainly screwed up enough that they didn't have to.) But these voting problems are the result of a system where the two major parties control the voting booths. Aren't there any independents we can put in charge?

I propose a solution. It's so simple, I don't know why no one's ever thought of it.

Every year, millions of people fill out little cards by coloring in little circles. Every year, they get results back, detailed accurate results.

I'm talking of course, about the SATs.

Can you imagine what would happen if students took the SATs and got a statement back saying, "Well, we think you got a 1260, but it very well could have been a 1300, maybe even a 1450. But it doesn't matter, because you got into Rutgers anyway."

There'd be chaos. Parents would go ape. Schools would drop the SATs as a gold standard.

But the SAT results are rarely wrong. Some people may argue they don't accurately judge intelligence, which may be true, but there's no denying there's something greatly organized about the SAT system. You fill in hundreds of ovals (a paper record) and then a machine tallies them up. If something doesn't seem right, the staff will inspect the ballot, sorry, I mean test sheet, manually. And this is hundreds of ovals, not just the 5 or 6 that would be on a presidential ballot.

So lets have the Educational Testing Service handle voting. Cause these people know how to do it right. Hell, when a whole inner city class does well (Stand And Deliver), they don't say, well gee, "testing patterns have changed": they ask for a revote, I mean retest.

The ETS could even send you a "Vote report," telling you how you scored-- i mean voted.

Just give these guys the funding you give the party loyalists who administer the vote nowadays, and the ETS would be able to handle it. These guys know what they're doing. They're from Princeton.

And what's more important to our country? SAT scores or voting?

Let's get these guys working on the right thing. And while they're at it, tell me...

What score did Bush get?

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Bernie Babies

So, it turns out Bernard Kerik, former NYC Police commissioner, and George "Jesus Jr." Bush's choice for Homeland Security Director, isn't exactly, well, moral.

He had an apartment in Battery Park where he took at least two women, one of whom was Book Publisher Judith Regan, who, if you don't know, is best known for not giving me a job.

Yeah, I applied, got called in for an interview, then, they didn't call back. When I called a week later, they said the position had been filled.

Later, I found out from an inside source that I had been "too loud."

apparently, if I was bald and had a mustache, I would have had better chances.

But I digress.

Now it turns out this apartment, according to the New York Times, was one paid for by the city to house tired rescue workers at ground zero after the 9/11 attacks. Who arranged for this apartment? Bernie.

The thing is, no one knows for sure if any rescue workers actually rested in this apartment. And sometime in between 9/11 and the end of December that year, Mrs. Regan dropped by, according to witnesses. That's right. While workers were at ground zero, Mrs. Regan was seen in the apartment building. Bernie later rented the apartment for himself at below market rates.

Which raises the disturbing question:

Did Bernie use 9/11 to get himself a swingin bachelor pad?

It appears that he did. And why not? If Bush could use 9/11 to get himself re-elected, why can't Bernie use it to get some adulterous action?

And Regan made out nicely too. She got a sweet honorary police badge out of the deal.

I also find it disturbing that Bernie carried out his affairs in an apartment that has a great bedroom window view of... Ground zero.

In a way, I guess it makes him supremely qualified for the Homeland Security job: Even while he was in bed cheating on his wife, he was still observing operations at Ground Zero. Now that's multi-tasking!

Joltin' Joe Lieberman has been rumored to be a replacement, but with all due respect to the most electrifying vice-presidential candidate of all time, I have a better suggestion.


That's right. Swartzenagger. Who better to lead our defense than a guy who's battled aliens, robots, terrorists and Danny Devito all his life.

What? None of that was real?

Well, California voted for him.

Forget Weekend At Bernie's, let George Bush choose a Terminator.

If he's not available, I'll settle for Stallone.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Eerie, Really Eerie

December 13, 2004 DUBAI (Reuters) - Iraqi President Ghazi Yawar said in remarks published Monday that long-term instability in his country could give birth to an "Iraqi Hitler" if citizens continued to feel humiliated and despondent.

November 1, 2004 NEW YORK (Adam's Blog) - Free elections in January!!!! (Except 80% of Iraq might vote for the second coming of hitler)

Ok, so when I say it, it's not news, but when the Iraqi President says it, I think we should start taking the possibility seriously.

Has Ghazi been reading my blog?

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