Thursday, January 05, 2006

Anti-Semites Force Second Avenue Deli To Close

2nd Ave. Deli

First CBGB's, now this.

It was reported this morning that 2nd Avenue Deli's landlord, Jonis Realty, wants to raise the rent a whopping $9,000. Owner Jack Lebewohl can't afford that on top of renovations needed to bring the restaurant up to code. So until further notice, 2nd Ave. Deli, the premier Jewish deli in New York since 1954, and favorite of stars such as Woody Allen and Larry David, has closed its doors.

According to, Jonis Realty also owns a building down the street at 2nd Ave. and St. Marks. They de-rent-controlled several apartments there and jacked up rents. The place now makes Jonis upwards of $1.4 million annually.

So they have money. What could motivate them to drive 2nd Ave. Deli out of business?

One of their partners is Ira Fishman, which sounds pretty German to me.

But on a serious note, 2nd Ave. Deli is the best deli in New York, period. I know those who stand by Katz's, which serves up its dry, tough and tasteless brisket cafeteria style, but for me, 2nd Ave. Deli is a taste of New York you can't get anywhere else in the city. It's sad to think I may never be able to have matzoh ball soup and a turkey sandwich w/ russian dressing there again.

The East Village is getting hot right now, and that's causing alot of it's institutions to close in favor of luxury condos for Britney Spears. Somebody's got to stop those Hollywood anti-semites from moving into our neighborhood and replacing all our delis and nosheries with their Subways and Starbucks.

Shouldn't Mayor Bloomberg step in? He's Jewish. If they closed a BBQ place in texas, I'm sure Governor Bush would step in. What, he's not their governor anymore? He's the President????? Are you sure? I'm almost certain he's been at his ranch for most of the last 5 years.

But I digress. 2nd Ave. Deli, I'll miss your giant matzoh balls, like mammoth islands in a sea of golden broth. I'll miss your overstuffed sandwiches, so overflowing with meat I needed to order extra rye bread. I'll miss your crinkle-cut fries, perfectly crisp, your cole slaw-- not too sweet, not gobbed with mayonaise. I'll miss those insufficiently large cans of Dr. Brown's Black Cherry, the baked beans in the little ceramic pot, the free pickles and health salad. I'll miss the wait staff, who all looked as if they had started working there in 1954... and all of whom did. I'll miss seeing that awning in white and blue, letters in a font vaguely resembling Hebrew, reminding me of my heritage in the shadows of the church in Stuyvesant square.

Most of all, I'll miss that absolutely full feeling I'd have after leaving. A feeling that often took 2 magazines to get rid of.

Don't close, 2nd Ave. Deli! Like our ancestors, we must survive, despite those who would seek to destroy us. What would Moses do?

Ariel Sharon

As you undoubtedly know, Ariel Sharon suffered a severe stroke. No matter your feelings about the man (he doesn't have a lot of fans among the Palestinians, who've accused him of a Mai Lai style massacre), his effort to bring peace to Israel and Palestine has gone further than most efforts before it. Sharon bucked the wishes of the powerful orthodox party and gave up the Gaza strip, and despite his decision to build the West Bank wall, he has set the stage for Israel's large scale withdrawal from the former Palestinian territories. Few leaders in Israel had the political guts to make such moves, but he made them in the name of peace. I hope Sharon can recover. Most of all, I hope for more leaders in the Middle East who are willing to do what it takes to stop the violence-- leaders who will make peace a reality instead of merely a process.

Of course, some people don't like what Ariel Sharon did for peace. Like good old Pat "God Smote New Orleans" Robertson:

(Sent in by reader Barry K.:) This is pretty f-ed up.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Dance At The Superbowl

Superbowl Xtra Large

2,000 lucky fans will get to dance in the Rolling Stones Superbowl Halftime Show.

If you are part of a sports team, marching band, dance team, cheerleaders, sorority/fraternity, business colleagues, etc...We Want YOU! If you are not part of a group already...form a group with 20+ friends!
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PLUS: A Scottish Christmas Gets A Bit... Well... Weird
88% of Americans Think Government Is Corrupt

(Other 12 Percent Are Friends Of Jack Abramoff)

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

The Laura Quinn Fiesta Bowl

The Ohio State-Notre Dame game was destined to be a classic. And Troy Smith, Ted Ginn, Santonio Holmes, Antonio Pittman and A.J. Hawk had some legendary performances which started people talking about Ohio State being national champions again next season. And they proved, once again, that Notre Dame is really overrated, even with Charlie Weis as coach. Perhaps putting Rudy in at both cornerback spots wasn't such a good idea.

But the big story of the game wasn't Smith's Heisman Trophy worthy performance. ABC made it clear what the real story was.

Laura Quinn.

Laura Quinn

Laura is Ohio State linebacker A.J. Hawk's fiancee. Which wouldn't be that special. Except she's also Norte Dame's quarterback Brady Quinn's sister. The ABC crew loved this story. At one point, you could hear Musberger drool on his microphone. Everytime A.J. Hawk sacked Brady Quinn (twice) and everytime Brady Quinn got hit in general, the camera would cut to Laura. Of course, it doesn't hurt that Laura is, whats the word? Oh yeah. Hooter-ific.

But seriously. By the 10th cut to Laura... it was getting kinda creepy. ABC was getting ready to sign her as a sideline reporter.

Brady on the ground, after Hawk sacked him:
Hawk says hi to the in-laws
Ouch. "I sacked you and your sister." Double Ouch.

But anyways, congrats Buckeyes. See you next year at the Fiesta/Laura Quinn National Championship Game.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy New Year!!!

2005, you kinda sucked. Not content with 2004's year ending-tsunami, 2005 swacked the world with the triple-whammy of a terrorist bombing in London, Hurricane Katrina and an earthquake in Pakistan. MSNBC called 2005 "The Year of Lame Excuses," after public officials and corporate CEO's attempted to wiggle their hands out of the proverbial cookie jar. Katie Holmes lost her virginity not to American Pie's Chris Klein, but to that whack job cult geezer (and Chris-Klein-lookalike) Tom "Hail Xenu" Cruise.

2005 was so lame that "The Cat of the Year" was a dog, Esquire's "Man of the Year" was Jennifer Aniston, and the "Word of the Year" was "Podcast." "Podcast"??? Give me a break, dorkozoids.

But there were some promising seeds that may bear fruit in 2006. Tom DeLay was indicted. Iraqis voted on a new constitution (which they might actually get to appreciate once they stop getting killed on a daily basis). Jessica Alba was in like a dozen movies (we demand two dozen in 2006!). And Dan Freeman completed his quest to drink in 1,000 different bars in 365 days (next year, 2000!).

SO here's to 2006. May it be prosperous. May it be healthy and happy. And above all, may it be a heckuva lot better than 2005.

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