Friday, March 04, 2005

I Didn't Do It, I Meant To Do That, And Other Little-Kid Sayings

I remember when we used to play HORSE when we were really young. Like early middle school. You'd shoot a shot, miss horribly, pick up your rebound, miss again, and finally get it in. Then you'd say, "I meant to do that."

Or you'd get mad an hit a kid in the arm, or you'd do something destructive like knock over a lamp while running through the house, and you'd say "I didn't do it."

It's funny, I thought of this today because even though the leaders of this country, and the people that see fit to run our nation are adults, they still fall back on these ridiculous catch phrases.

For instance, Iraq. Everyone in the world heard about WMDs for months. Colin Powell ruined his career by doing a nice powerpoint presentation showing pictures of mobile chemical and biological weapons factories (later found to be actually made of Michael Powell's old legos). Bush even participated in the search himself, looking under his desk.

Then, lo and behold, we go to Iraq and don't find any. Bush and Cheney continue to insist there are some. They mumble something about Iraqi "invisibility" technology, and disappear behind a cloud of smoke.

Then they blame bad intelligence. No argument there.

But now. Now the conservative pundits are on a whole new line. It's no longer bad intelligence. It's... ready for this...

Actually, spreading democracy in the Middle East was the GOAL all along!!!

(Never mind that the conservative pundits claimed Bush wasn't lying about WMD, which this new PR line implies)

Yes, that's right. This NEVER WAS a war about WMDs. This was about giving the middle east the greatest gift of all. Rampant death. And DEMOCRACY!!!

Bringing Democracy to the world is noble. But to say that the Bush administration "meant to do that," is just plain dilusional. This new line is about recasting the war in a different light-- to ignore the rashness with which it was started, a rashness which has lead to scores of unnecessary deaths.

Meanwhile, Republicans are fighting any investigation into the torture practices of the CIA and military. Despite the fact that we've seen the proof of it, beyond Abu Gharib, even in Brooklyn (where 11 detainees were sexually assaulted and humiliated, before being deported without being charged with any crime).

"We didn't do it."

It's the childishness of all this that gets to me. I'm 22. I'm allowed to be stupid and ignorant and in denial. These people are our leaders, and they can't even get past the denials of a 5th grade game of HORSE or a Dennis the Menace style blunder.

I would love, love Bush if he would just be honest. If he would just say, "Look. We lied. People died. We're really sorry. We are. But we're owning up to it now. We're holding ourselves accountable for the tortures that have occurred, for the mistakes that led men and women to their deaths. I've asked Donald Rumsfeld and Alberto Gonzales to resign. I've asked for an independent inquiry into the alleged war crimes. We're trying to make it right."

I'd love him.

Well, maybe I wouldn't go that far. But it would be the adult thing to do. It would at least show that Bush isn't a heartless, ignorant moron.

Or is he?

Time will tell.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Stunning Developments

This Just In From ABCNEWS:

In Nevada, lawmakers are debating whether to limit the right of the public to have stun guns as makers of the weapons step up their efforts to market them outside law enforcement.

The bill would make it illegal to use a stun gun except in self-defense and would bar felons, fugitives and people suffering certain types of mental illness from owning or using them. Children would be allowed to have stun guns only with parental consent and would be allowed to use them only in their own home.

Ok. Read that last line again.

Children would be allowed to have stun guns only with parental consent and would be allowed to use them only in their own home.

Anyone else have a problem with kids using stun guns at home? Makes "Cowboys and Indians" a lot more interesting.

Yeah, I know I know. To use against intruders. But seriously, would you trust your kid with a taser?

Yeah, I know I know, for every liberal weenie like me who thinks that's a bad idea, there's a right-wing nut job saying, "Tasers? Why would my kid need that? He's got a shotgun, two glocks and three grenades."

The same article also mentions police using a taser on a 65 pound, 13 year old girl.

Strangely hot, but also, what the heck? This apparently happened after the police force involved spent millions buying tasers.

Itchy to try out their new toys? Or was there really a reason big burly police officers had to take Jamie Lynn Spears down?

Officers: Freeze!

Girl: Whatever. Like, I'm totally doing nothing.

Officers: Jesus, she's got pigtails! Taser her!

Did I forget to mention the girl was already cuffed at the time?

Strangely making the situation even hotter?

Ok, I've said enough. I'm too old to consider 13 year olds hot.

But not too old, apparently, to taser them.

Monday, February 28, 2005

Doesn't Play Well With Others

If the world were a playground, and the world leaders were it's schoolchildren, what would George W. Bush be?

A couple weeks ago, the Kyoto Protocol was ratified, setting environmental standards for the world's developed nations to follow in an effort to reduce global warming and save the world from a Waterworld-like future.

Recently, another world initiative took effect, anti-tobacco guidelines that would limit the ability of cigarette makers to market their goods and obscure their deadly side-effects.

And today, a policy on women's equal rights in on the verge of being adopted by the world's leading nations, including China, one of the worst offenders of sex discrimination over the years.

George W. Bush, fearless leader of the United States of America, richest, most powerful country of the world, home of the free, land of the brave, must surely have had a leading role in all three of these vital world policies. No?

He does-- he's their leading opponent.

That's right, GWB is anti-saving-the-planet, pro-tobacco, and anti-women's rights.

In other words, he's the bully on the playground.

While the rest of the world tries to figure out how to make the world a better, healthier, more peaceful place, Bush gives Syria dead-legs and goes up to Iran, saying "Yeah, you want some of this? You steppin?"

Even his goodwill tour through Europe proved itself to be a charade, for the benefit of looking good in front of mommy and daddy. "Do you see, as your father did, Germany as a partner in world peace?" asked one reporter.

"Partner?" Bush replied. "That's a gay word. I'd say, Germany's a person I know that might be of some use to me."

(I'm paraphrasing)

That went over well, as you can imagine. Meanwhile, North Korea is at home putting together pipe bombs for a world-scale columbine, and GWB is busy picking on Syria for being too chummy with its next door neighbor.

But Red America loves a bully in charge. Violence and Deceit are admirable leadership qualities to the NASCAR crowd, which is why serial killer Dennis Rader was elected church president by his peers. And continues to serve as their president today. Info Here

Hey, GWB didn't "Bin, Torture, Kill" his victims like Rader did.

No, he just sent them to other countries where they'd be bound, tortured and killed.

The thing is, we're stuck with the bully for the next four years. Much like middle school. All we can do, in the face of such a constant threat, is bond together, reach out to our friends worldwide and hope that together, we are stronger than the schoolyard terrorist.

In other words, don't move to Canada, but bring Canada to us. And don't give up hope.

In the end, the bully always loses.

Lets just pray he doesn't bring us down with him.

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