Happy Halloween!!!

Scary costume ideas:

A Republican
Zell Miller
Karl Rove
Michael Moore
A recent NYU graduate
A fire-breathing dragon faced midget with knives for fingers

I'm thinking of going as an undecided voter. Not a hard costume. All I need is a blindfold and ear plugs, and a sign in each hand supporting bush and kerry. I can stumble around, looking confused, until I finally tear myself in half, trying to figure out what the difference is between these two very similar candidates.

It's all about Iraq.

No matter how you feel about abortion, gay marriage, homeland security, stem cell research, etc... it all comes down to ARE THINGS GOING WELL IN IRAQ?

The answer to this is not disputable. NO.

Of course, to Bush, "Freedom is on the march" and "We'll have elections in January" and "Those explosives were gone before we got there."

Unfortunately for Bush, it looks like once again, "fact" and "videotape" have conspired against him. An ABC News affiliate clearly shows American soldiers breaking seals on these bunkers, opening up barrels filled with explosives and then... leaving.

They left because it wasn't their job to secure the site. Their unit was much too small. They were on their way to Baghdad. They hadn't received any orders to secure the site, even though the Bush administration knew about the explosives.

Now these explosives are in terrorist hands. And Kerry is rightly faulting Bush for a catastrophic oversight.

Bush: "He's just not supporting our troops."

Huh?

I don't get it. Kerry says it's Bush's fault, and Bush translates that to: "He's not supporting our troops?"

Last time I checked, Bush wasn't fighting this war. But he's been out of the office a lot, I guess I missed when he went to Iraq and fought alongside our soldiers.

Then, Guiliani, who I genuinely liked because he was more presidential on 9/11 than the President, before he started stumping for Bush, goes on TV and says its not Bush's fault the explosives are gone.

IT'S OUR TROOPS!!!!

And the republicans seem alright with this.

So Kerry blames Bush, and he's against our troops, and Bush's crony blames our troops, and Bush is golden?

I don't get this.

The reason why Iraq is more important than anything else, is that right now, there is a void in the middle east. If we fail, the terrorists have a new home. At least Bush and everyone can agree on that.

WE ARE FAILING.

Not because of our troops, but because of leadership. Bush went in with a war plan but not a peace plan. He ignored the advice of the intelligence and world communities, and as a result, there's chaos, and a whole lot of missing explosives.

While New York City continues to get less terrorism defense funds per person than Alaska, Bush has let tons of explosives into enemy hands. Clearly, Bush's "offense is the best defense" plan has a few holes.

If we lose Iraq, which is likely given the mistakes Bush has made and refuses to admit, then we risk something far worse than 9/11. That thing that Cheney loves to talk about and the christian fundamentalists love to build bomb shelters for.

If we lose Iraq, we won't care about gays, or stem cells, or janet jackson's bizzare nipple clamp.

We'll have more serious things to worry about.

Bush keeping us safe? He can't keep Iraq safe-- and that's a sign of things to come.

Thank You Kerry

From the Washington Post:

"Kerry also seized on Bush's statement yesterday that "a political candidate who jumps to conclusions without knowing the facts is not a person you want as your commander in chief."

"I agree," Kerry said. "George Bush jumped to a conclusions about 9/11 and Saddam Hussein. He jumped to conclusions about weapons of mass destruction and rushed to war. He jumped to conclusions about how the Iraqi people would receive us. He not only jumped to conclusions -- he ignored the facts."

"According to George Bush's own words, he shouldn't be our commander in chief," Kerry said."

Read yesterday's entry, "Thinking People Are Stupid"

Just got my second paycheck today. I keep getting richer and richer. I feel like I should buy something, but I don't know what. Last purchase was a Gamecube. I have no one to buy anything for. I don't really need anything. What should I do with my newfound wealth? Can somebody help me out with this? This is the first time I've even even seen this much money. How long until NYU hits me up for a donation?

So to all single women out there. If you want to date a man for his money, videogame playing ability, and hairy butt, please holla at me.


P.S. Congrats to Theo for winning it all, I'm happy for my aunt, uncle and cousins. Now that the curse is over, can Johnny "Encino Man" Damon finally cut his hair?

Welcome to the top Red Sox, enjoy it while you can.

The Odd Couple: George and John

"WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A freak tie result in the presidential election could mean the House of Representatives would choose the next president, a scenario that would favor Republican incumbent George W. Bush.

But since the Senate would decide the vice presidency, Bush could end up with Democrat John Edwards."

Wow, that would be a trip, wouldn't it?

I see a sitcom out of this:

Bush: Listen pretty boy, I run the show here.

Edwards: I thought Cheney ran it.

Bush: Damn, you're right! What do I do now? I'm helpless!

Edwards: Don't look at me, I have only one senate term experience. Kerry just chose me because I have good hair!

Bush: Who can we get to run our country!?

(Ralph Nader enters)

Nader: Lucy! I'm hoome!

Bush and Edwards: (unenthusiastic) Hey Nader.

Nader: I heard you guys might need a little help.

Bush: Forget it Nader.

Nader: But you said if I ran against Kerry you'd give me a job!

Bush: I gave you a job.

Nader: Decoy in Iraq is not a job.

(laugh track)

Edwards: I wish there were two americas... so i could go to the other one.

(Bill Clinton enters wearing hawiian shirt, eating a big mac, applause)

Clinton: Hey there girls, whats shakin?

Bush and Edwards: Bill Clinton!

Clinton: That's my name, don't wear it out.

Edwards: You've come to save us!

Bush: Finally, someone who knows what they're doing!

Clinton: No, guys, you got it all wrong. I didn't come here because I'm taking over.

Edwards: No? Then why are you here?

(Hillary walks in)

Hillary: Hey boys!

Bush: Aye Carumba!

Etc....

Thinking People Are Stupid

Quote of the Day:

"A political candidate who jumps to conclusions without knowing the facts is not the person you want as your commander in chief." -George W. Bush

You may remember this:

"Iraq has weapons of mass destruction--lets go to war!" -George W. Bush

Also, how does one jump to conclusions WITH the facts?

Jumping to conclusions means you don't have the facts. A little redundant there Bushie.

I'm so glad i'm voting absentee ballot, with all the hell they're predicting for Nov. 2. I haven't gotten my ballot yet, though, and we're getting down to the wire.

I'm afraid that my ballot may have been abducted by a republican. This is the only logical explanation. Why else would New Jersey be a swing state if the republicans hadn't played a little dirty?

Interesting to note: Nader says NJ is a forgone conclusion, for Kerry, so I should vote for him, cause it won't affect the election. Nice to know he's concerned about throwing the election to Bush. Unfortunately, he also says to people in Ohio and Florida that they should vote for him if they want an anti-war candidate. Which I assume means Bush.

Also interesting- Alan "I hate black people so much even though I'm black" Keyes and Barak "I have a dream" Obama fought against each other on a topic that they BOTH AGREED UPON: A ban on Gay Marriage. Keyes, in his non-controversial way, said that adopted children of gay couples, "kept in the dark about their biological parents" were at risk of "unknowingly sleeping with a relative."

"If you can't know who your sisters and brothers are, there is no way you could avoid having sexual relations with them," he said.

Hmm. What a great point from the raving lunatic. Oh, one problem... adoption is practiced by straight couples too.

And the right wing loves adoption as an alternative to abortion.

I hope this isn't a sign of things to come. Next thing you know, Bush will force all pregnant women to keep their babies attatched via umbillical cord till their children turn 21.

The sad thing is, Keyes and Bush think their arguments are working.
The sadder thing is-- they might be.

Half of This Is True

"I'm going out to let my real talent show, not to just stand there and dance around. Personally, I'd never lip-synch. It's just not me." --Ashlee Simpson, Lucky Magazine

From MTV.com:

"Ashlee Simpson claimed a chronic gastric disorder was the cause of her lip-synching miscue on "Saturday Night Live" this past weekend. The singer said that acid reflux disease caused her to lose her voice and rely on a backing tape for her performance.

[A performance in which she stood and then... danced a jig!]

"It's so embarrassing," Simpson said when she called in to "TRL" Monday (October 25), "because it sucks. The total situation was a bummer.""

Luckily, no one found out that her sister, Jessica, actually uses a stunt double when in bed with Nick Lachey.

"We all do it," Jessica said. "Sometimes you need some help, or Nick's being really annoying and I have a headache."

"It's no big deal, to be honest," Nick replied. "I never sang my own songs. I always used a backing trac... Wait. What did she just say?"

Ashlee's father said it was his decision for Ashlee to lip sync.

"Did you hear her at the VMA's? Her voice sounds like she's blowing a german shepherd up there."

Her father added, "She also isn't nearly as hot as Jessica. I guess we know which child isn't mine."

Britney Spears-Federline, who has also been accused of lip synching in the past, released this statement on her web site about the incident.

"I'm just a girl, not yet a woman. My perogative is just so toxic right now. Hit me baby one more time."

Included with the statement were photos of the luxury trailer she and Kevin plan to live in, and several links to chewing tobacco retailers.

"I'm sooo excited about the new place!" Britney wrote. "It even has a tire swing!"