Friday, May 19, 2006

Pollution Is Good!

Flowers Are Pretty

What we need is more CO2, not less. That's what the Competitive Enterprise Institute says. And why not trust them? After all, if it's anybody who knows about CO2 emissions, it's the folks at ExxonMobil and assorted other petroleum companies, who generously fund CEI's truthtelling work.

The CEI has launched an ad-campaign warning us good upstanding Americans not to listen to wackos like "scientists" and "academics."

The tagline of their new ad campaign: "They call it pollution; We call it life."

[See the first Ad Here] It's almost a parody. But CEI is deadly serious.

What's with little girls with flowers in negative "scare tactic" campaign commercials? I of course refer to the infamous Daisy Ad. Same Ad agency?

The second ad takes it to the so-called "mass media." Finally, an un-biased, completely objective think tank has the guts to tell Americans what Time Magazine doesn't want you to know.

[See it here]

Wow! Did you see that!!! The glacier REPAIRED ITSELF!!!! The scientists WERE lying! You can't fake a video like that. Clearly, ice can jump from the ocean and reattach itself to glaciers! I certainly haven't seen anything about that in The Washington (Commie) Post.

I'd personally like to thank the CEI for pulling the wool from in front of my eyes. I used to think that burning liquids and solids caused those liquids and solids to become gases, and those gases filled up our atmosphere with stuff that's not supposed to be there. That always made sense to me. But now, thanks to these un-biased, un-partisan ads, I see that Carbon Dioxide is a lot like medicine. It makes our lives better. And are you gonna be against MORE medicine? I don't think so.

So go burn those Time magazines. And stop recycling. And while you're at it, leave those lights on when you leave the room. The more CO2 we put in the air, the better our lives will be.

If God taught us anything, its that we should trust entities with three letters, like U.S.A. and G.O.P.

Thanks again, C.E.I. for showing the U.S.A. the rest of the world is wrong.
Marissa Dies; Five Links For Friday

No More Mischagas for Mischa

Fans of the OC were shocked (ok, not really) when the show killed off its main character, Marissa, who show creator Josh Schwartz once said he created the show around. This article gives the details, although it mistakenly says Seth and Summer were accepted to the same college (actually, they'll be going to the same state, different colleges). However, the craziest thing about this article isn't that mistake, it's the byline:

By SANDY COHEN, AP Entertainment Writer
(For those of you who don't watch, Sandy Cohen is the father on the OC. A fictional character writing a news article about his own show? We're really in Last Action Hero land now.)

I'm pretty upset they killed Marissa. I'm beginning to think that maybe she was the most interesting character on the show. This guy agrees. I couldn't be happier when Johnny (Cue Depressing Music) died, but this one stung a little. Especially since the episode made Marissa likeable again. She had put that lame-ass Volchick behind her. The OC writers could have just let her sail off with her dad. But noooo.. they just had to kill her. First Caleb (who was one of the best things about the oc) and now Marissa. And its all set up, unfortunately, for Taylor, that annoying annoying Taylor, to become the new Marissa in the gang of four. Fortunately, thankfully, Mini-Cooper may stick around, fitting nicely into the Marissa role as well, albiet much sluttier and hotter ("I’m going to rule Harbor.").. so...

Ok, well, you OC fans know what I'm sayin. R.I.P. Marissa.

Anyways, I hope the death of Marissa will mean an end to the wounded-puppy-falls-in-love-with-marissa-goes-crazy-dies/goes-away plotlines (Oliver, Gardener Guy, Johnny, Volchick) But please OC, please, spare me the revenge plot where Ryan goes after Volchick. Please. Just start next season like Volchick never happened.

Here's some links for you people who don't care about the OC:

Five Links (not sausage):

Finding My Voice I can totally relate.

Of course, this might make it easier to get girls.

Blonde Jokes It's ok, cause I'm dirty blonde.

The Secret To A Long Life? Pics of Hot Chicks.

Sickabod Sane Concert Tonight. Go. Listen.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Best SNL Opening Ever

I "missed" Saturday Night Live this week, because, frankly, the show's about as funny as Rwandan genocide.

But I did catch Al Gore's presidential speech posted on the Crooks & Liars website

If only Al Gore had displayed such personality six years ago... Oh how different the world would be!

My favorite line: "We're already so loved by everyone in the world that American tourists can't even go over to Europe anymore... without getting hugged."

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Coming To A Store Near You...

Bottled Oxygen

Hey, twenty years ago, bottled water was strange too.
Gettin' Trendy

Google released a new feature called "Google Trends" which tracks how often people from various regions of the world searched for a particular term. One of the more popular search terms, this being the sleazy information super-highway after all, is "Sex." More surprising however, is where on earth people are logging onto Google looking for "sex." Are these people mostly from the slutty United States of America, or coquettish France?

Well, see for yourself:

1. Pakistan

2. Egypt

3. Vietnam

4. Iran

5. Morocco

6. India

7. Saudi Arabia

8. Turkey

9. Philippines

10. Poland

Wow. Weird. In places where women have to wear burkas or veils, a whole lotta people are lookin up SEX online. Hmm.


Favorite Beatle: John, Paul, Ringo, George or Pete Best?

Bigger than Jesus? Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise, and George W. Bush

Angelina vs. Jennifer

Owen Wilson vs. Luke Wilson

Simpsons, Family Guy or South Park? Note: Lots of Argentinian Simpsons fans!

And finally...

Adam's Life vs. Daniel Day Lewis... Method actor be damned, I'm more popular than he is!

Adam's Life: Currently More Popular Than Daniel Day Lewis
Troops On The Border

Apparently, I'm not the only one who thinks using battle-hardened soldiers is not the best way to secure our borders.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Will Strip For Radiohead Tickets
Offer You Can't Refuse

Attention: One Nubile Naked College Graduate in Exchange for Radiohead Tickets.

At 10 A.M., the tickets went on sale. At 10 A.M., they were already gone.

And I had missed my chance to buy a ticket for Radiohead's performance this summer at MSG.

They're my favorite band in the world, and I've never seen them live. Last time they were in town, a girl I knew bragged that she saw them 4 times. She's dead now.

Well not really. But I did block her on AOL IM.

I'm pissed, cause there's no way actual human beings were able to get tickets. A lot went to people who seek to make a profit by reselling them on ebay (last time I checked, they were going for over $200 a ticket). Thom himself seems pissed about people doing this type of thing too. After finding out someone put a ticket to an intimate London benefit show on the auction block, he wrote this on the Radiohead site:

"might i suggest that those selling their koko tickets on e bay for stupid money gives a contribution...
say 30 percent of their proceeds,
back to friends of the earth, for whose benefit we are all doing this show.
seems only fair, unless you're a shallow____, dont you think?
I couldn't agree more.

This year's Radiohead tour promises to be very exciting because, reportedly, they'll be showcasing a lot of new material. And, as a fan who owns every Radiohead song ever made publicly available, new material is always welcome.

On a sad note, Radiohead drummer/percussionist Phil Selway wrote on the Radiohead site that his mom passed away on May 10th. My heart goes out to Phil and his family.

Word is that Thom is also releasing a "solo" record on July 11th, called "The Eraser" The tracks are listed as follows:

"The Eraser"


"The Clock"

"Black Swan"

"Skip Divided"

"Atoms for Peace"

"And It Rained All Night"

"Harrowdown Hill"

"Cymbal Rush"

The Eraser

Needless to say, I'll be hard at work tracking down leaked versions of these tracks.

In the meantime, the offer stands. Come on, I know there have got to be some internet pervs with some extra tickets on hand.

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