Friday, October 27, 2006

Be Careful This Halloween!!!

Remember When Cheney Shot That Guy???

"I don't want to tell where I'm going to be going, but I am going to do a little pheasant hunting this year." --Vice President Dick Cheney

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors...

...But bad fences are just a waste a f#%king money.

Iraq is in shambles, New Orleans is too, we're running the biggest deficits of all-time... and Bush is spending $1.2 billion+ so some racist, bigoted people can feel a bit more comfortable about voting for the Republican party.

Will the fence stop illegal immigration? No. Will it even slow illegal immigration? Not likely. Why? Well. Because the border is damn long--2,100-miles--and this new fence will only cover about one-third of that. So what's the point?

The point is, Joe "I Hate Mexicans" Schmo wants "something done 'bout these here Taco-eaters." And a fence, while in reality, quite useless, is something Joe Schmo can see. And Joe Schmo is a very stupid person, so he thinks that a fence shows the government is doing something about "the problem." But what Joe doesn't realize is that the government isn't doing anything other than taking Joe's tax money and spending it on a monument to futility.

I actually don't think Bush's immigration plan is that bad. But the fence? Why waste that money to secure the votes of stupid people? $1.2 billion dollars(+) won't make any difference now or 20 years down the line when that fence is riddled with holes the size of tractor trailers and is spray painted with the most vulgar grafitti you can imagine.

Israel built a wall to defend itself from terrorists. The only reason it has been marginally effective is that its backed up by a large military presence and there's little motivation for anyone but the wackiest of suicide bombers to cross to the other side. But our case is much different. We've got MILLIONS of people FLEEING their situations in Mexico for a better life in the U.S. And our border is many times longer(thank you Manifest Destiny!) There's just no way we can win that battle, save for spending billions upon billions more to fence off the whole border, dig a mile-wide moat filled with alligators, and post machine-gun turrets every quarter mile manned by super-intelligent genetically engineered sniper monkeys.

Then again, if Bush keeps robbing banks, we may have the money to pursue such a plan.

PLUS: Mars Rover Getting Bored

Monday, October 23, 2006

We Never Said That

Proving that Orwell was a prophet, Bush and his cronies attempt to rewrite history.

Luckily, the resistance is there to remind us of the truth.
Horror Stories

I have every single Instant Message conversation I've had since Freshman year in college saved on my computer. Way back in September 2000, I clicked the tiny button that gave me the option of automatically logging my IMs, and its been that way ever since.

This is a little frightening to me. Because, although I've been aware that my IM convos are being saved, I haven't really thought about it all that much while im rapidly typing lame jokes to hot girls. How many secrets have I told over IM? How many people have told me theirs? What kind of embarrassing things will I find if I dig through those old IM conversations? Worse, what kind of embarassing stuff will other people find if they dig through those IMs. I'm tempted to erase them all before I get Foleyed, i.e. humiliated by an old IM.

But then I couldn't compile them all into my first bestselling book: IMU: Crazy College Convos (working title). [actually...good idea]

My IM logs are as close to a diary from college that I have. But, I mean, if you've gone to college, or watched Old School, you probably know that not everything about those days should be revealed. Note to authorities currently pursuing charges against me/ABC News Primetime producers: all the salacious details are in my computer. Luckily, they haven't come back to bite me. Yet.

I'm working right now on an article for MSN on email/IM/text message horror stories. Have you ever sent an email/IM/text that's come back to humiliate you? Sent it to the wrong person? Or sent it to the right person... who then sent it to everybody else? Share your stories with me, and I might use it for the article.

PLUS: Al Gore tells it like it is.

"In the last six years, we've seen an energy bill written by oil companies, a prescription drug bill written by pharmaceutical lobbyists, and a global warming policy run by the biggest polluters... Only in the out-of-touch world of this Republican Congress could public service mean raising their own pay nine times without raising the minimum wage once."

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