Friday, May 09, 2008

Stare At Jessica Alba

Have to hand it to Will @ Clicked for finding this. There are few better ways to spend two minutes online than to have a staring contest with Jessica Alba.

For the record, she beat me. But that doesn't change the fact that I could stare at her all day.
Say It Ain't So Hillary

Hillary Clinton makes it awfully hard to support her campaign when she makes statements like this:

Now, in her defense, she's merely quoting what an AP report found. But why couldn't she just have said, "The AP says that I'm more popular with working class Americans." Why'd she have to say "white Americans"? Why'd she have to go into demographic detail at all?

By making the argument that she's more popular with white people (uneducated white people, for that matter), Hillary basically goes against dozens of years of Democratic Party logic, which strives to encompass minority groups in securing a victory against the largely racist, xenophobic and homophobic Republican party. Now she's saying... "Screw Obama's support from minorities-- I've got the whites! And we all know they're the real ones that matter."

That may not have been the message Hillary was aiming to send. But that's what people heard. And as a white man, I'm disgusted. I don't think any leader of any political party should think in terms of racial lines. And I certainly don't think any candidate should tout their overwhelming support from uneducated white people. A President of this nation should represent all people equally, no matter their skin color. Instead of proudly proclaiming how popular she was with the redneck set, Hillary should have simply stuck to touting her popularity in large states, and battleground states like Michigan, Florida and Pennsylvania, which could be key to this year's elections. That's her strongest argument, I believe.

Just listen to how she stumbles over the word "white," twice. She's clearly not comfortable even saying it. I chalk this up to a horrible advisor, giving her some really bad direction. That troubles me, because Hillary is smart enough to not go for that.

I've been pro-Hillary, but as the media makes out her campaign to be more and more desperate (even though the delegate split is tiny), she seems to be coming a bit unravelled. And it's unfortunate, because we shouldn't choose our Presidential candidate based on the campaign missteps or flubbed lines. It should be about who has the best ideas, and the best track record of implementing, or attempting to implement those ideas. Obama has yet to thrill me with any ideas of substance. And name me one thing he's actually done during his time in the senate, other than campaigning for President?

But at least he hasn't offended me, like Hillary has now.

Another big argument going for her was that she's been in the White House before. And not just as some Laura Bush-style walking-talking-photo-op. She has experience "under fire." Not sniper fire, as she erroneously claimed, but fire from Republicans. She's withstood it well. The Whitewater scandal washed out. Her health care plan was destroyed, but she remained dedicated to finding a solution. She's actually attempted to do things, even when a Republican legislature made those things impossible.

Obama? Well, he likes the word "change" as much as Bush likes the words "hard work." I'm not a fan of words. I'm a fan of actions.

But, as I said, Hillary keeps making it harder to defend her. By scrapping for every vote, she's compromised some of her ideals, making more and more statements that appeal to the segment of the populace that hasn't already decided for Obama. And this just makes her even less attractive to the typical Obama voter, who still actually believes there are politicians that can turn America into a Utopian candyland, full of bunnies and sunshine. Obama, luckily for him, has not had to make such concessions.


When the election versus McCain comes, and he finds himself trailing in the polls, desperate for some of that Hillary-segment of the Democratic party, he will undoubtedly have to make some of the same, pandering statements as she did.

When you're in front, you can be everyone's messiah. But I fear, when the general election comes, Obama's youthful idealism will not be enough to take the election from the battle-tested McCain and the Republican fear-mongering machine.

I believe Hillary can. She has before.

And I, for one, cannot withstand another 4-8 years of Republican rule.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Bathroom Reading wastes a page of the internet today with an article about a subject of grave importance in our society.

Wait for it...

Peeing on the seat.

I won't link to the article, because I don't want Oprah thinking that articles about bathroom etiquitte are big traffic getters, but here's an excerpt:
I've been earning a paycheck for 30 years. Whether rinsing conditioner off a Lhasa apso during my stint as shampoo girl at Mr. Whiskers Pet Boutique or breathing on the chicken breast I was about to serve a rude diner during my waitressing days, I've always found that the people I work with matter to me. Their moods, their opinions, their style influence my life. They've appreciated me, humiliated me, surprised me, and antagonized me. I've gotten flowers and I've gotten fired (and I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything to deserve either), but I've never experienced anything like The Tinkler.

"Dammit!" I say upon encountering her latest Jackson Pollock imitation. Pat, Suzan, and Valerie each come out of their stalls to see what's wrong. I point in horror. Pat groans, Suzan moans, Val throws up her hands in disgust, and we fall into silence.

Then I rally, "At least we know it's not one of us." But everybody else is a suspect. "It can't be Sudie," Suzan volunteers. My eyes narrow. "What are you basing this on?" I ask. "I've seen her," she answers, "she always heads straight for the paper seat protector." "And," Valerie adds, "we can cross Mamie off the list -- it happened twice while she was in Sweden."

Sixty seconds ago, the four of us were editors; now we are FBI profilers. "She probably likes to burrow into small spaces," Pat conjectures. "This never happens in the big, wheelchair-accessible stall ..." "It's very primitive, as if she's marking her territory. This is clearly a hostile gesture," Suzan declares with authority.
Riveting, I know. Next week on Oprah: People who wear too much perfume in elevators. Followed by an essay on the guy in the office who types too loudly.

On a related note, John McCain stated yesterday that he wants Dwight Schrute, of the hit TV show "The Office," to be his running mate in the Presidential election. Of course, he was on "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," so he may have been joking. But its yet another reason to be disturbed my a possible McCain presidency. We already know he supports nearly all of Bush's policies... does this mean he's also a big supporter of Dwight's policies?

Then again, Dwight can't be much worse than Cheaney. Can he?

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Jewish Fantasy Baseball 2008: Week 6

Gabe Kapler

Are we already on Week 6 of the fantasy baseball season? This year's gone by quicker than a circumcision!

Ouch. I promise, future Jewish references will be more tasteful.

I am happy to report that the Major League Jews have defied expectations, with 2 wins and 3 losses, good for second place in the East division of League-28499.

Week 1 was a tough loss to cmoBaseball, 200 - 165. A whopping 0 points from an injured Moises Alou could have been to blame. Adam's Life Sluggin' Semite of the Week? Ryan Braun: 9 for 28, 2 2B, 2 HR, 4 R, 6 RBI.

Week 2, the Joltin' Jews were rarin' for redemption. They got it against the goyim of wyometslover, winning decisively, 191 to 142. The wyomets team just couldn't keep up with big performances from Kevin Youkilis, Ian Kinsler and Lance "Hora Dance" Berkman. Berkman's 42 point performance--9 for 23, 4 2B, 3 HR, 8 R, 7 RBI, 3 BB and a SB-- earned him Adam's Life Sluggin' Semite of the Week honors.

Before the game in week 3, Kevin Youkilis must have eaten his matzo ball soup. Because he was largely responsible for the Baseball Boychik's second straight victory, this time against an Atlanta Braves supporter's Chipperfan08 squad. The Goateed Golem went 13 for 30 with 4 2B a HR, 5 R, 4 RBI and 2 BB, to win his first Adam's Life Sluggin Semite of the Week award of the season. The Mets pitching staff also came through in a huge way, accounting for 79 points (5 wins, a shutout). I'm not sure how Shoeneweis did that week, but I'm sure he was partially responsible. Final score: 234 to 221.

Week 4 brought these high-flying Hebrews back down to earth. Not even a 51-point performance from this season's first two-time Adam's Life Sluggin Semite of the Week award winner, Lance Berkman (10 for 22, 2B, 3B, 4 HR, 7 R, 12 RBI, 5 BB, SB), was enough to overcome the t-breds, which were led by a dominant Cleveland Indians pitching staff (87 points). On a positive note, Gabe Kapler made his debut as a Major League Jew, scoring 10 points. Final score: 272 to 189.

Week 5, nothing could go right for the Line Drive Levis as they fell to the ironically-named Bottomfeederz, 271 to 171. Ryan Braun's 32-point performance (8 for 25, 3 2B, 2 HR, 3 R, 9 RBI, 3 BB) was one of the lone highlights in the Chosen Team's first blowout loss of the season. Perhaps his second Adam's Life Sluggin Semite of the Week award will inspire some underperformers (Gabe Kapler - 3 points) to step up to the bemah.

This week, the Major League Jews play "Coming from behind," which I hope is not as dirty a team name as it sounds. Check in on Monday to find out how they do.
And We're Back

Sorry for the lack of recent posts. It's been a busy time in Adam's Life. Between my coverage of the Tribeca Film Festival for work, a new article for, and the recent, mind-blowing news that I've been chosen as Best Man for my best friend's wedding, I've been slacking on my blogging duties. To you, loyal and frustrated reader, I apologize.

So let's get to it.

I'm still in the Hillary corner personally, but don't you suspect she's disgusted with herself at how ugly she let this campaign become?

Once the shining star of a powerful, respected Democratic party, she now finds herself fighting for position in a spring break KY-wrestling match. Obama vs. Hillary!! Drink specials all night!!

The saddest thing is, at no other time in American history has the media focused so heavily on one political party for so long in the months leading up to an election. It's almost as if Republicans don't exist, other than a few lost souls wandering the halls of the White House. And instead of using that media attention to promote their platform, the democrats instead are shining a spotlight on internal divisions, campaign mismanagement, and extreme wackos like Reverend Wright.

If only Hillary and Obama had led civil campaigns, we'd be hearing about how the Republicans bungled the war, and continue to bungle the war. We'd be hearing about how 8 years of Republican leadership has left our economy on the brink of ruin. We'd be hearing about how Senator McCain sold his soul to the radical right, and plans to continue the misguided policies of Bush II. But instead, we hear about a screaming black preacher, imaginary snipers, racist blue collar workers. It's a damn shame.

McCain loves America-bashing preachers as well, Frank Rich of the New York Times points out. But McCain is not under the microscope. Not yet. The Democratic party is, and will continue to be for as long as this drama continues. And if the slides being magnified are dirty with the muck and mire of two squabbling contenders, you can bet the American voting public will see it. Wouldn't the Democratic party be better served by TWO candidates going after the ONE Republican nominee? Instead of ripping each other's throats out? And Obama fans, don't be so quick to blame Hillary either. Snipergate stole at least a week's worth of headlines that could have been about glaring Republican failures. I get that they can't agree to be President and Vice President. No one wants the consolation prize. But can't they at least agree to support one another against the Manchurian Candidate?

Everyone's all up on Obama, even despite the racist attempts to link him with a loony. But this race is a lot closer than some pundits would have you believe. And when one of the candidates loses, the other one doesn't necessarily win. As hard as it is to believe that an Obama backer could suddenly go against everything Obama stands for and vote for McCain, that's exactly what polls show if Hillary wins the race. That begs the question, Does the Democratic party want a candidate who's supporters would rather vote for the enemy than a fellow party member? How loyal are those Democrats?

It's not looking good for the party of light and hope... something I never thought could happen just a few short months ago. And that means it's not looking good for America. There may be people who still believe McCain is a maverick moderate, but clearly they haven't been watching how McCain's changed since his handlers said the code word, activated McCain's implant and turned him into a robot for the elephant party line. If McCain actually believes what he says (war is good! give the rich tax breaks!) then he may just be more incompetent than George W. Bush, who at least has an excuse. A lot of cocaine use.

Hopefully, the primaries today will cause one or both of the candidates to realize they're not getting anywhere by playing a game of division. Only by rallying their supporters around the party, and not themselves, can either of the candidates hope to reclaim this country from the crooks and liars who've owned it the past 8 years.

Ah, kickin it off with a patented Adam's Life rant. It's been a while.

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