Friday, February 08, 2008

Lost In Lostland

You Complete Me

Last night's episode of Lost, "Confirmed Dead," blew my mind yet again. I may be less convinced I'm ever going to get all the answers I seek, but I've never been more entertained.

Those of you who don't watch Lost, you can probably stop reading here. Unless you want to learn more about the crazy-zany-nut-making-factory that is this TV show.

We were introduced (through flashbacks) to four members of the freighter team that's trying to find the island: Daniel, Miles, Charlotte and Frank. Daniel was devastated to the point of tears when he heard that Flight 815 had been found... at the bottom of the ocean, with the dead bodies inside. Miles was also moved by the news, but shook it off in order to do some "ghostbusting" for an elderly woman. Charlotte used her multilingual prowess to read reports of Flight 815's discovery in every foreign newspaper-- before finding a Dharma polar bear in the Tunisian desert. And Frank, watching the television news report which identified the pilot's dead, underwater body (damn Fox News!), called Oceanic to inform them he thought the whole crash thing was bogus. He also told them that he was supposed to be the pilot of the doomed flight.

How and why did this bunch of misfits come together to find wacky hidden island? It's unclear, of course. But it has something to do with this creepy guy:

Matthew Abbadon

Clearer is that Ben doesn't want them on his wacky hidden island. And neither does Locke, because he saw Walt in the jungle and Walt told him to stop Naomi and her people. Interesting how Walt and Ben have the same agenda. Very interesting if you ask me... for reasons which will become abundantly clear...

The very last line of "Confirmed Dead," is a real mindbender:

Ben says, "I have a man on their boat."

Who is this mystery double agent?? The one feeding Ben information about the freighter people?

My guess... wait for it...


Yes. He may be just a boy in your eyes, but in Ben's eyes, Michael's son is a man (Locke even said that Walt "looked taller"). Remember how much The Others wanted Walt in Seasons One and Two? How Walt was "special"? I always thought it odd that Ben has stopped at nothing to keep everyone on the island, yet let Michael and Walt (who's supposed to be so "special") go so easily.

Unless he didn't let them go. Ben said that Michael and Walt would most likely get picked up by a ship if they followed a certain heading. Ben knew the freighter was out there... and he was sending Walt (who had spent enough time with the Others to be indoctrinated with their plans) to be his spy. Michael was none the wiser.

My prediction? We find out in the upcoming epsiodes that Michael and Walt are on the ship. And that Walt is working more closely with Ben and The Others than anyone suspects.

Of course, I could be completely wrong. Ben's "man on the boat," might be a three-headed dragon named Sylvester, who wears pleather pants and plays a ukelele. Those kinds of twists happen regularly on Lost.

The "Man" On The Boat

I've often wondered how I would do if I was on Lost island. Would I be eaten by a Polar bear? Be smashed to bits by the Monster? Would I c*ckblock Sayid and get with Shannon, saving her from getting shot by Ana Lucia? I hope so.

"Step off, Sayid, she's my island girlfriend!"

Luckily, the folks at BuddyTV came up with a little quiz:

So I do survive. But nothing is said about whether or not Shannon and I get off the island together.

I can't wait for more Lost.

More interesting episode analysis here: Confirmed Dead

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

When Torture Is Not Torture, or, Waterboarding Ain't Boogie Boarding

From the AP:

WASHINGTON - The White House on Wednesday defended the use of the interrogation technique known as waterboarding, saying it is legal — not torture as critics argue — and has saved American lives.

President Bush could authorize waterboarding for future terrorism suspects if certain criteria are met, a spokesman said...

Waterboarding involves strapping a suspect down and pouring water over his cloth-covered face to create the sensation of drowning. It has been traced back hundreds of years, to the Spanish Inquisition, and is condemned by nations around the world.

[CIA Director] Hayden banned the technique in 2006 for Central Intelligence Agenc interrogations, the Defense Department has banned its employees from using it, and FBI Director Robert Mueller said his investigators do not use coercive tactics in interviewing terror suspects.
To reiterate things I've written before in this blog: Torture doesn't work. Torture is not a valid form of intelligence gathering.

If waterboarding isn't torture in Bush's book, then what else doesn't he consider torture?

The Rack


Bush's Defense: "Oh come on, don't doctors reccommend stretching before and after exercise? This is like yoga!"

The Nail Pull


Bush's Defense: "You kidding me? It's just a manicure! Laura tells me they pay good money for this at all the best salons."

Chinese Water Torture


Bush's Defense: "We call it, 'Bobbing for Freedom.' If they find a green apple, then we'll give them a full pardon. Except there aren't any apples. Only water. Makes it harder for the terrorists to get a pardon. You don't want to pardon terrorists, do you??"

Shock Torture


Bush's Defense: "You know when you pet a cat sometimes and you feel a little shock on your fingers? This is no worse than that. Just a couple hundred thousand volts. It's like a hot tub really."

Celine Dion Torture


Bush's Defense: "Ok, you got me. I'll order our intelligence services to end this type of interrigation technique immediately."

Monday, February 04, 2008

Better Than Perfect


"They were feeling good. But we didn't treat them like an undefeated team. We didn't treat them like some Greek myth. There was no Godzilla out there.'' - New York Football Giants Wide Receiver David Tyree

Pandemonium in the streets. Chants of 18 and 1!! echoing from bars. New York City was celebrating last night, and it will be celebrating all month, if not all year, after watching the greatest upset in the history of professional football.

New York hasn't had much to celebrate recently. Since 2001, when the terrorists attacked the World Trade Center, New York sports hadn't had a good time of it. The Yankees lost to the Diamondbacks that year. Then the Marlins beat the Yanks (two recent expansion clubs! over the venerable Yankees!). Then came the infamous Red Sox disaster, when the Yankees held a 3-0 lead in the series and blew it, allowing Boston to win its first World Series since before electricity. Then came the bug game in Cleveland. Even the Mets decided to destroy the hearts of New Yorkers by seemingly locking in a playoff spot last season and then tanking it. I don't need to discuss other sports. The Knicks have been a joke for quite some while. The Rangers never played to their potential, and who knows about the Metrostars? Yes, the past few years have not been good to the Big Apple.

Last night changed all that. The Giants abused Patriots quarterback Tom Brady all night, treating him like the two-timing bastard he is. Not even Brady's dimpled chin could slow down the onslaught of the Giants' defensive line.

Brady fumbled that ball just like he fumbled his paternal responsibility for his child.

The Patriots took the lead late, but I still believed victory was possible. The Giants had time.

With a brilliant evasive move by Eli Manning, and a "how-the-hell-did-he-do-that?" catch by David Tyree, the Giants kept their hopes alive.

Chills, seriously.

For those of you who don't follow the Giants, or football... Eli Manning has been criticized his entire career for poor decision-making. And that guy who caught the pass, David Tyree? Well, Amani Toomer, the Giants' longtime wideout summed it up nicely: "He was dropping everything in practice Friday. " Toomer was being kind. Tyree's dropped everything for 20 weeks.

In that one play, they became legends.

Manning, Tyree, Best Football Players Ever

And a few plays later, Plaxico Burress, who is missing one entire leg (and has been all year), completely faked out the Patriots defense and scored on a wide open pass play in the end zone. A few seconds later, that was all she wrote. I cried tears of joy. I wept like a baby.

The Patriots pursuit of perfection derailed. Boston fans everywhere hanging themselves. I went out to celebrate with friends, and Professor Thom's, a bar owned by Bostoners, wouldn't let us in, because we were chanting "18-1." Screw em. Let them have their shitty, empty, depressing bar. We'll take the greatest victory the NFL has ever seen (since the last time a New York team... the Jets... upset a heavily favored Goliath.)

Congrats to the Giants!! I may have badmouthed them at times this year, and at one point, even called for Tom Coughlin's firing. But that's all in the past. Life-time contract for Tom I say. And long-live Eli, the King of New York.

"Forget that parade in Boston. We're having one in New York City.'' -Giants Defensive End Michael Strahan

PLUS: Bill Simmons, Boston fan, is a very gracious loser. He also points out that the miracle play has yet to have a name. Adam's Life will be taking suggestions. Post them in the comments below.

Here's my suggestions:

The Perfect Play
The Impossible Play
The Drunken Kangaroo Play (that's the best I can describe the "look" of the play)
The Desert Mirage (because i still can't believe it was real)
The E.T. Play (because the Eli to Tyree play seemed extraterrestrial... and resembled Elliot's flight silhouetted by the moon)
Supernatural (that's what David Tyree called it)

eh... help me out here.

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