Young Playwrights Festival



Way back in high school, before youthful idealism and creativity gave way to malaise and cynicism, I wrote a play. It was about a vampire who worked at a convenience store and lived in a closet. It was called "I Am A Closet Vampire," and I entered it into the New Jersey Young Playwrights Competition. The judges recognized brilliance when they saw it. I was a winner.

The best part was the prize-- a staged reading of my play by professional actors. The actors chosen to perform my play told me they liked it so much that they memorized it; so it was less of a staged reading and more of a real staged play. It was incredible to see something I wrote come alive. People laughed at all the right parts. It was pretty close to how I had envisioned it. The one difference actually ended up being beneficial-- one of the actresses was missing on the day of the performance, so one actor took on two parts-- both husband and wife, both cops. This made for a wonderfully schizophrenic character that I never would have come up with on my own.

This year's Young Playwright's Festival concludes today. But I suggest you check it out next year. Go to the Playwrights Theater website for more information.

New MSN Article: Dialin' n' Drivin'



In honor of my serious cell phone story being published on MSN.com (above), heres my non-serious cell phone story: Break Out of Your Cell

Fantasy Baseball Obsession


Shawn Green, Help My Fantasy Baseball Team

I need help.

It's not a realization I came to quickly. This year is my first year playing fantasy baseball, and I thought it was perfectly normal to stay up late Sunday night, before our rosters are set for the week, wondering if it was wise to bench Josh Willingham in favor of Josh Hamilton. I thought it was perfectly reasonable to ponder methods of beating down the league commissioner who hoodwinked one ignorant owner into giving up Carlos Beltran for Carlos Zambrano. I thought, certainly I'm not the only fantasy baseball team owner to have considered going to med school so I can learn sports medicine, become the Yankee team doctor, and help Derek Jeter recover quickly from his thigh bruise. Yep, for the longest time, I thought this was pretty typical behavior.

Then I decided to make an All-Jewish Fantasy Baseball team.

Inspired by my own Jewish heritage, my dad's interest in Jewish athletes (he hasn't found a website yet that's satisfied his thirst for knowledge in this category-- but this is close), and my newfound obsession with Fantasy Baseball, I wondered if it would be possible to fashion a Fantasy Baseball team out of all Jewish players, and, if not win the league, certainly win at least one week.

So I signed up for a fantasy team on MLB.com, which gives a $10,000 dollar prize to the fantasy team that ends up #1. And I set my sights on Jewish ballplayers to fill out my squad. Surely, 130 years after Lipman Pike first broke the religion barrier, I could find enough Jews to make one fine ball club. And sure enough, I did.

Let me present to you, the sure-fire, all-star studded, almost all-bar mitzvahed lineup of the Major League Jews:

C, Brad Ausmus, Houston Astros

While not known for his hitting ability, Brad is a full-fledged member of the tribe and a starter for a playoff contender. He’ll get 400 + at bats this year, and is bound to get some hits in some of them. Ausmus = Awesome

1B, Lance Berkman, Houston Astros

Ok, I should admit something here. Lance is not a Jew. But I justify putting him on this roster, because he has been mistaken for a Jew many a time. Like in this article. And he plays with Brad Ausmus, so some Jewishness has to have rubbed off. Right?

2B, Ian Kinsler, Texas Rangers

No cheating here. Kinsler’s a Jew, and only 24 years old! He started off this season hot, establishing himself as one of the top slugging second basemen in the league.

SS, David Eckstein, St. Louis Cardinals

Funny thing about Eckstein. He has the most Jewish name of the bunch, but claims not to be Jewish. I suspect there’s some Jewish heritage somewhere in his family tree. And I’m not the only one. Eckstein was selected to the Jewish All-American Team. That clinches it for me.

3B, Kevin Youkilis, Boston Red Sox

Part of the “All-Jewish Infield” envisioned by Denis Leary (link to previous post) and Jewish GM Theo Epstein, Youkilis provides my team with a little power and his family recipe for dynamite potato latkes. Plus he can play outfield and 1st base.

OF, Shawn Green, New York Mets

The most famous of the bunch, and the way he’s started this season (.353 avg., 3 HRs), its not inconceivable that he’s back into the form that made him one of the most feared hitters of the 90’s. And he doesn't play on Yom Kippur, gotta respect that. (note to self... bench that week)

OF, Kevin Mench, Milwaukee Brewers

Come on. You can’t have an all-Jewish team without at least one "Mench." Yeah it’s a stretch, but it’s not like I’m drafting A-Rod and giving some excuse like “He saw a Jew once.” This is Mench we’re talking about, who’s the 19th player in big-league history to homer in six straight games, but has done little else in his career. Mench gets this spot on name alone, and the fact that there’s only one starting Jewish outfielder in the MLB.

OF, Elijah Dukes, Tampa Bay Devil Rays

I don’t know for sure that Dukes is Jewish. All I know is that on Passover, every year at the seder, we fill a wine glass on our table and set it aside for a man named Elijah. And this man’s name is Elijah. You wanna question my methods?

P, The New York Mets

On MLB.com, you choose a pitching staff, not individual pitchers. So I chose the Mets, because of two things. Sandy Koufax used to be their pitching coach, and Scot Schoenweis, a Jew, is on their staff. My backup pitching staff is the Pittsburgh Pirates, who have Jewish reliever John Grabow. The Cubs would have been acceptable as well, because they have Jewish starter Jason Marquis.

The Bench:

C, Mike Lieberthal, Los Angeles Dodgers
3B, Ryan Braun, Milwaukee Brewers
OF, Adam Stern, Baltimore Orioles
OF, David Newhan, New York Mets
3B, Ryan Zimmerman, Washington Nationals

Lieberthal claims not to be Jewish, but every other source on the subject says he is. Ryan Braun is Jewish, the most highly touted Jewish prospect since Green, but he’s still in the minors. Adam Stern, formerly one of the Jewish Red Sox contingent, is in the minors right now for Baltimore, but was called up when Corey Patterson went on bereavement leave. David Newhan is a solid bench player on the Mets, so why not on my team? And Zimmerman? How can he not have some Jewish blood with that name?

So there you have it. I’ve spent way too much time on this. Which is how I know the men in white coats should be sent to take me away. If you know of any other Jewish ballplayers, please let me know so I can add them to my roster. In the meantime, please join me in wishing Mazel Tov to these fine young menches.


A Good Looking Bunch As Well

What's Up Doc-umentaries?



(From the Tribeca Film Festival)
Sons of Sakhnin United, Autism: The Musical

My press pass to the festival has given me the benefit of attending preview screenings to movies and documentaries. I recently saw two documentaries I highly recommend.

Saw the documentary, "Sons of Sakhnin United," two days ago. I like documentaries where the filmmaker stays out of the story and just observes how everything unfolds. The tale of a predominantly Israeli-Arab soccer team struggling to stay in Israel's premier league has universal appeal despite its unique and volatile setting. Although there are poignant moments where the doc uses the story of the team to show the clash between Israeli and Arab cultures- most notably, when Arab player Abas Suan is booed mercilessly when he plays FOR the Israeli national team, and when a riot nearly breaks out in Jerusalem- the film is primarily a portrayal of a team on the brink, with a fan base as passionate and crazy as those in Europe and south america. One fan, for instance, won't leave his house for three days after a loss because he fears he might kill someone. He's serious. It's a documentary most sports fans can relate to, whether they're from New York or the Gaza strip.

Speaking of documentaries I can relate to, this morning I saw "Autism: The Musical." As my regular readers may know (all three of you), my sister Shari is autistic. So I was very interested in seeing the doc. I was a bit worried though. Oftentimes, publicized stories about autism tend to focus on high functioning autistic kids, or those with asperger's syndrome... and as a result, some ill-informed people tend to think autism is some sort of "idiot-savant" type of disease. More than a few times, after I tell people that my sister is autistic they ask, "So, she can like, play the piano really well?" That's not the case. With a title like "Autism: the Musical," I worried the doc would only depict that small slice of the autism community that has been given a gift along with the curse.

But my fears were allayed by the first minute of the documentary, where Elaine Hall tearfully talks about praying to God to get through one more bathtime with her adopted autistic son Neil, who often reacts with violent tantrums when faced with a bathtub. I saw a lot of similarities between Elaine's son Neil and my sister. Very limited speech, anti-social behavior, a sweet, kind demeanor prone to breaking out in random fits of violence, set off by the tiniest things.

The kids portrayed in Autism: The Musical come from all over the spectrum of the syndrome. While one can play the cello, others, like Elaine's son, are greatly challanged. Medical science has not been able to determine why one person with autism functions differently from another, and categorizing these kids is not something that can be done with any kind of certainty. There's a scene where a mother and father of a boy named Wyatt visit an advocate to find out about placing their son in a different school, and the advocate informs them (rather bluntly) that their son is "not high functioning." He's basing his analysis on an IQ test that claims to reveal what Wyatt can and cannot do. To me, and anybody else who watches Wyatt in this documentary, the advocate is clearly wrong.

To Elaine an IQ test does not accurately show what these kids are capable of. She believes they can accomplish more. Like a musical.

Elaine created a program, called The Miracle Project, in which Autistic children hit the stage to perform an original musical. They contribute to the script, sing, dance and act. The documentary follows Elaine and five sets of parents and their kids as they prepare for their night in the spotlight (including rocker Stephen Stills and his delightful dinosaur-obsessed autistic son, Henry).

The "miracle" of The Miracle Project is Elaine's ability to harness the unbridled, volatile energy of these kids and focus it into something productive and positive. All while dealing with sometimes misbehaving kids and their often stressed out parents.

Elaine spent four years raising Neil by herself after she and her husband divorced. There are countless points in the documentary that show the severe strain caring for an autistic child can put on a marriage. Luckily, my parents are the strongest people alive.

What I love about the documentary is, by the end of the film, everybody has found something. A strength they never knew they had, confidence, love. It's a movie that doesn't shy away from the more heartbreaking aspects of autism, but gives these kids and their amazingly dedicated parents the respect they deserve. These kids will always be different, but creating the musical helps them, and--perhaps even more importantly, their parents--realize that being different is okay. Joy and fulfillment are not exclusive to the unafflicted. It's an uplifting story and I suggest you check it out, whether you have an autistic child or not. If it doesn't help you understand what autism is, then nothing will.

For More About The Movie:

www.autismthemusical.com

For More About Autism:

www.edenservices.org

I Am Paparazzi (For An Evening)



So I went to the Tribeca Film Festival tonight, I thought to see a screening and maybe interview some celebrities. But somehow, I got put into the pen with the still photographers. Which was the coolest thing ever. Those guys are funny. There was one guy, had to be in his sixties, real character, who kept shouting "Front Page Magazine! Right here. Comes out at 10 PM" to get the star's attention. Don't ask me how, but it worked. And no one knew who Paul Haggis was.

One woman photographer was a real bitch to me. When I asked if she could move her bag so I could stand next to her, she took on a real snarky tone and said, "No, I need this room. I'm not standing sideways for you. Why don't you go stand over there."

I looked to where she was pointing. Clearly no room.

"There's no room there."

"Yes there is."

"I'm looking. There isn't."

"Well you shoulda got here earlier."

Finally, I gave up. One nice guy moved over for me. Moved his bag. Very nice photog. Unlike that bitch. I hope she left her lens cap on.

Met some nice photographers from a Russian newspaper. They were as confused about what to do as I was. But they were Russian. They had an excuse.

My head is still spinning. Celebrities are awesome. I didn't interview anybody or see a movie. But I had a fun time. My girlfriend Petra is comin over soon, so I gotta go.

But here are the pictures:

Tribeca Film Festival 4-25-07