Monday, March 05, 2007

Teens These Days

Those Damn Teens!

When I was a teenager, back in the stone age of 1996-2001, I never did anything wrong. Ok, maybe that's not true. But I certainly never robbed a bank, taught toddlers how to smoke weed, or made an ostrich impotent.

I guess I just grew up in a simpler time. Those pre-9/11 days of innocence. Forcing 2-year-olds to get high never crossed my mind. Now it seems that the Britneyspearization of society has turned teenagers into a jumbled hormone mush of mindless thrill seekers. How many ostriches have to suffer before we bring our teens under control with some sort of implanted microchip?

Then again, maybe these crazy teenagers are simply following the cultural tradition of adolescent rebellion in a new way. Teens in the 60s smoked weed and went to big music festivals. Teens in the 70s wore tight pants and danced provocatively. Teens in the 80s stuck their fingers into electrical sockets to attain outrageously huge hairdos. Teens in the 90s said "whatever" alot.

Perhaps bankrobbing, toddler-drugging and ostrich-spooking are merely this generation's way of making themselves heard. Remember, there was once this crazy teen named Jesus who did a lot of weird things, and we know how that turned out.

I'm talking of course, about Jesus Sanchez, inventor of the four-cheese grilled cheese sandwich. Mmm.

(And if you think that joke was bad, you clearly are not familiar with the humor found on this blog.)

Anyways, I guess it's important to remember that the news media doesn't accurately represent teens everywhere. There are a couple of bad seeds, obviously, but I'm sure the vast majority are not responsible for ostriches not being able to get their freak on.

I will however, continue to despise and envy them for their yet-to-be-stolen youth.

I want to be 16 again!!!!

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