Monday, August 29, 2005

It's Good To Be King

Topless Virgins Vie For African Monarch

Now if only I can become a king somehow, I'd be all set.

On an unrelated note, Do we really need to personify weather?

What's the deal with naming hurricanes? And giving them human names? Who was the first to come up with this and WHY? WHY GIVE A CUTE NAME TO A HORRIBLE DISASTER? It's like naming 9/11 "Terrorist Attack Bob".

No wonder some people don't evacuate. The storm is called "Katrina" for chrissakes. Would you be scared of something called "Katrina"? It sounds like a five-year-old with a jumprope.

(For some reason I'm totally picturing Katrina looking like the girl from "Andre"*)

If you have to name hurricanes (do you have to? what's wrong with "Big Ass Storm??") then I say name them scary names at least. "Hurricane Hitler," good. "Hurricane Elmo?" Try again.

If I die in a hurricane, I don't want the Hurricane to sound like a gay German weightlifter (Hugo) or the guy who fixes the computers in the IT department (Eugene). How about Hurricane Shredder or Hurricane Hellspawn? That'll get people to evacuate.

So lets stop naming hurricanes these wimpy human names and lets start turning this country into a virgin-loving monarchy. Only then will we live up to our full potential.

*The girl from "Andre" is in Napoleon Dynamite? I gotta see it now.

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