Friday, September 02, 2005

Bush and Dick Do New Orleans

With rescue efforts bogged down, law enforcement outmanned, and people dying in the streets, Bush and Dick are doing their part to ease the crisis.

For instance, Bush is taking a "tour" today of the city. He will be flying over it for a second time, the first time being when he flew over the area on his way to Washington DC from his ranch in Texas. From his aerial vantage point, the people will look like ants, which is how Bush prefers to think of them.

Dick? Well. He's hard at work of course. He's leading the rescue operation from his vacation home in Wyoming.

Vice President Cheney, who has spent part of August at his home outside scenic Jackson, Wyo., remains there today -- although his spokeswoman, Lea Anne McBride, doesn't call it vacation.

"He's working from Wyoming today," McBride told me this morning. -Washington Post
Yes, there's a lot to be done in Wyoming. For instance, a cow on Mr. McLeary's farm has been emitting methane gas from its intestinal tract-- gas that contributes to global warming. Global Warming, while it doesn't exist, did cause the hurricane that inundated New Orleans. By studying the cows in Wyoming, Dick hopes to prevent future catastrophes.

Meanwhile, FEMA officials expressed surprise that 25,000 people are trapped at a convention center in downtown New Orleans. Despite news reports dating back three days, the FEMA director claimed he only found out about it last night. "Those tricky New Orleansers," he said. "What hijinx will they come up with next?" He then blamed the dead and dying for the whole mess. "That's what you get when you don't leave all your worldly possessions behind and evacuate when we tell you to." When reminded of the fact that many had no way to get out of the city even if they wanted to, the FEMA director smiled and said, "That's their fault for being poor."

These are not exact quotes, but they're pretty accurate paraphrases.

Nice to know our leaders are hard at work.

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