Talking Milkshake Shuts Down Boston
The REAL Terrorists
And we're back...
The city of Boston was brought to its knees yesterday when an television show advertisement which had been on display for three weeks was finally spotted by a brainless idiot, who thought it was a bomb and called police.
Eager to show off their brand new "terror-fighting" capabilities, the police chose to mobilize all their units in a citywide sweep to remove the advertisments, which look nothing like bombs, except maybe in the weird fever dreams of Ms. Pacman.
The Ads, Still Called "Bombs" On Fox News, Depicted This Character
Then, after needlessly shutting down bridges and highways, and after wasting nearly a million dollars in taxpayer money removing the harmless ads, the city of Boston decided to waste more money by arresting and charging the lowly paid hippies hired by the ad agency to put up the ads.
"We're not going to let this go without looking at the further roots of how this happened to cause the panic in this city," Attorney General Martha Coakley said.
According to city officials, Cartoon Network was trying to get attention for the show "Aqua Teen Hungerforce" by placing bomb-looking objects around the city.
"It is outrageous, in a post 9/11 world, that a company would use this type of marketing scheme," Mayor Thomas Menino said Wednesday, trying to cover his ass.
"We apologize to the citizens of Boston that part of a marketing campaign was mistaken for a public danger," said Phil Kent, chairman of Turner, a division of Time Warner Inc.
Apparently, citizens in every other American city are smarter (or more Aqua-Teen-savvy) than in Boston.
"We haven't had any calls to 911 regarding this," Seattle police spokesman Sean Whitcomb said Wednesday.
"We haven't had any complaints," said NYPD spokesman Paul Browne.
The stars of Aqua Teen Hunger Force were surprised by the reaction.
"It really makes you think about the world we live in," said Shake, a talking milkshake. "Like when I ate that sandwich and ended up in hell."
"I don't know why they got so angry," said Meatwad, a shapeshifting ball of meat. "I think they just need a hug."
"It's not physically possible to place sufficent incendiary chemicals within such a slim and tiny device," said Frylock, a floating bag of french fries. "Unless you were employing Hawking Radiation contained in a electronically generated Rosen-Podowski magnetic field."
On the other hand, Carl, a co-star on the show, agreed with city officials.
"Kids these days, These hippies. They got no respect, you know. They won't stay out of my pool," he said.
Despite overwhelming, undeniable evidence that nobody involved in planting the advertisements thought they looked anything like bombs, city officials and members of the media continued to use phrases like "hoax," "stunt" and "bomb scare" to describe the incident. An accurate description would be, "City Officials, gunning for political capital, overreact to obvious non-threat."
"Clearly, there is a new threat facing the nation," said President Bush, in an address given to himself in front of his bathroom mirror. "These terrorists call themselves the Hunger Force."
No word yet on whether Bush will authorize an military invasion into New Jersey, where the Force is presumed to live.
In related news, a broken sony walkman lying on the ground near a trash can in Harvard Square forced Boston city officials to declare a state of emergency. More on this as it develops.
You be the judge. Bomb? Or Definitely Not A Bomb?
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While I strongly believe in "See Something, Say Something," I also believe that the police and government should use some common sense. How long does it take to see that something like this isn't a threat?