Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The State Of The Union (revisited)

Bush, Deep In Thought, Prepares For Speech

Wow. It's been a whole year since the last riveting state of the union address. I was a brash firebrand that long ago, shouting "I HATE BUSH!!!" at the end of a strongly worded blog post. I'm more mellowed out now. I don't hate Bush. I hate his policies. And just strongly dislike him. There. Much more mature.

Anyways, last year, Bush told us all about social security accounts, being fiscally responsible, Iraq being free, and reducing dependence on foreign oil.

How has he done in the past year? Well, social security is unchanged, we're in more debt than Toni Braxton, Don Johnson and Mike Tyson combined, Iraq is still a mess, and we're still sucking up to abusive regimes for some of their sweet, sweet oil-juice.

What brilliant ideas shall come from this State Of The Union Address? And more importantly, what sort of drinking game can we make out of it?
Everytime Bush says, "a free and sovereign Iraq": Drink an Irish Car Bomb

Everytime Bush says, "confident and strong": Drink a Fuzzy Navel

Everytime Bush says, "health savings accounts": Take A Shot Of Vodka

Everytime Bush says, "September 11th": Drink a Manhattan

Everytime Bush says, "New Orleans": Drink a Bloody Mary (w/ Tabasco!)

Everytime Bush says, "Working hard": Swallow a Pabst Blue Ribbon

Everytime Bush says "Special Interests": Take a shot of Jack (Daniels, not Abramoff)

Everytime Bush says, "Thugs and Killers": Chug a 40

Everytime Bush takes a not-so-subtle swipe at the Democrats: Say "Long Live Ted Kennedy!" And down a tumbler of Johnny Walker Blue Label.

Everytime Bush mentions "Sanctity of Marriage": Drink a pink slipper.

Everytime Bush says, "God Bless America": Drink a glass of Communion Wine/Manishevitz
By the end of the speech, you'll be too drunk to listen to Tim Russert's Commentary! Won't that be nice?

Check This Out: Write Your Own Bush Speech!!!

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