Hoaxer Fools Bloggers, MSNBC

The Times has an article about a blogger who fooled a lot of people into thinking he was the source for the "Palin doesn't know Africa is a country" story. Worse, it seems he's fooled major news organizations before.

Shows that you can't trust blogs, really. Except this one, of course.

A Changing Landscape

While the whole world focuses on President (elect) Obama, and speculates on what changes he will bring to this country, the new president of the Maldives has just announced concrete plans to change some things about his tiny island nation.

He wants to change the size of it.

Much of the Maldives is a mere 3 feet above sea level, which means that if a polar bear living in the Arctic Circle accidentally spills his glass bottle of Coca Cola into the ocean, the nation will be inundated with floods.


The Real Cause Of Global Warming

Unlike previous rulers seeking to expand their territory, President Mohamed Nasheed is looking to make a purchase, not an invasion.

From the BBC:

Mr Nasheed's plan is to create a "sovereign wealth fund" using tourism revenues to buy land so that future generations will have somewhere to rebuild their lives if they have to leave.

He wants somewhere within the region, where the culture is similar - possibly India or Sri Lanka.

Unfortunately for Mohammed, it's unlikely that India or Sri Lanka is looking to sell. India's so against giving up territory that they're fighting tooth and nuke with Pakistan over a tiny remote mountainous region, and Sri Lanka is a pretty tiny nation to begin with.

Is there any nation in desperate need of cash that can grant the Maldivians a bigger homeland? Yes.

The U.S.A.

Let's face it. We're going through a recession. We owe so much money to China that George W. Bush has agreed to wash president Hu Jintao's car every other weekend. The national debt is climbing everyday, thanks to an endless war. At the rate we're burning up money, it won't be long before we become like Worm in the movie Rounders, depending on Matt Damon to win big in a poker game and save our ass.

And the U.S. has plenty of worthless properties in the South Pacific:


The Northern Mariana Islands are not too far from the Maldives, and it's highest peak is 3,166 feet above sea level, high enough to avoid drowning in the event of a global meltdown. Plus, Maldivian men would be happy-- the islands boast the lowest male to female sex ratio in the world: an average of 76 men to every 100 women (according to wikipedia).

But yeah, those islands have people that might not be happy joining the Maldives. So what about Jarvis Island? It once held the town of Millersville, which was abandoned during the second world war. Sure, its a bleak place with no fresh water, but this bargain-bin island may be just what the Maldives ordered:


Jarvis Even Comes With Its Own Bird-Doo-Lined Walking Path!!

Perhaps the Maldivians want a place with more history? Look no further than Palmyra Atoll, which boasts the Pacific's largest collection of unexploded World War II ordinance. It was also home to a notorious murder on the high seas. It's also got a lovely bunch of coconuts, so the inhabitants won't starve:


One Of The Least A-Bombed Atolls In The Pacific!

But I'm sure that after all these years on an island, some Maldivians might be cravin a little mainland. That's why I propose something a bit radical:

Sell Alaska.

Let's face it. Sure, it's a beautiful place, but how many of us will ever visit it? Yeah, it's got oil, but we can work out a deal when the Maldivians make the purchase. Alaska is like the appendix of America, a fine but superfluous part of our country that has the potential at any given moment to flare-up and spew poisonous Sarah Palin into our 49 other states.

We bought Alaska for $7,200,000 back in 1867. Accounting for inflation, rising land values, and significant because-the-Maldives-is-desperate markup, I think we can easily get 7 BILLION.


Motivated Seller?

Yes, the Maldivians would have to get used to the cold, but hey, when your nation is about to be under the sea with Sebastian the Crab, you have to make trade-offs.

Think about it, President Nasheed. You could use the land, and we could use the money. Make an offer.

And remember, as broker, I take 20%.

The Most Annoying Commercial In The World

I can't remember a time when the Associated Press ever ran a story about an ad annoying people. But the ubiquitous "Saved By Zero" Ad campaign launched by Toyota to herald their 0% financing event has apparently ruffled more than a few feathers:

"It's pretty much unanimous that everyone I've talked with thinks it's very annoying," said Colin Anderson, a 19-year-old freshman at the State University of New York at Binghamton. He created the Facebook group "Stop Playing Toyota's 'Saved by Zero' Commercial" after first seeing it a week and a half ago. The group has since swelled to more than 1,200 members and is growing.

At issue is that hypnotic, red bouncing 0% sign (which would have been a great costume for Halloween, by the way) and of course, the song "Saved By Zero," which seems designed to penetrate into the furthest reaches of your skull, staying there until it finally eats your brain from the inside, all but forcing you to go down to the nearest Toyota dealership in order to beg a salesman to run you over with a brand spanking new Corolla.

Esquire Magazine has a piece here about the ad.

The ad, below, might be tolerable, once. But on TV, it often appears in bunches. Like a street gang, one Blood might not scare you, but a pack of them will:



Who does that song? Well, the original "Saved By Zero," is by a band called The Fixx. Hear the original, less annoying version, here. Ironically, the song's meaning appears to run counter to result it's producing in the TV watching audience:

The Fixx’s impressionistic songs are inspired by events in their lives as well as in the world around them. “Saved By Zero’s” minimalist view came from the experience of touring. “Part of the routine,” said lead singer Cy Curnin, “is becoming more lightweight, doing away with encumbrances. Zero is the point of relaxation.” --Shuttered Room/Reach The Beach songbook

Relaxation. Yes, what most of us are trying to do on Sundays while watching football. Until the "Saved By Zero" ad comes on and sucks away whatever happiness remains of the weekend.

There's some speculation on who actually sings the ad version, here. Presumably, once we know who is responsible, we can eliminate them and all memory of this song from the earth.

A group called Empire State Human did a cover of "Saved By Zero," but I don't think it's the one used in the commercial: MP3 Sample

Hopefully, someone gets to the bottom of this soon.

You Know The Republican Party's In Trouble When...

Sarah Palin is being hailed as the party's future:

Is Sarah Palin the answer for defeated Republicans? After a historic rebuke at the polls, the Republican Party is staggering into an uncertain tomorrow with the White House and Congress in Democratic hands, no certain leader in sight and its membership divided over what it means to be a Republican.

Ever since her selection as John McCain's running mate in late August, Palin, the 44-year-old Alaska governor, was the star of the GOP ticket, though views of her vary wildly across the political spectrum. With the Republican brand corroded and the hunt on for the next Ronald Reagan, Palin could be one of many people competing to influence Republican ideas in the post-Bush era, maybe even as the party's leader.

"Conservatives are still looking for Mr. Right. And maybe Mr. Right turns out to be Ms. Right," said Bill Whalen, a fellow at the conservative Hoover Institution.

Yes, the person "influencing Republican ideas" will be a former beauty pageant contestant who has no idea what a vice president does, who's never read a newspaper or magazine, and who's sole foreign policy experience is governing a sparsely populated state in sniffing distance of Russia.

Already, Republicans are in a tizzy, many blaming Palin for the GOP's losses this election:



Of course, others want to destroy the lives of those who would dare say anything bad about their beloved Sarah:

"We're tracking down all the people from the McCain campaign now whispering smears against Governor Palin... We intend to constantly remind the base about these people, monitor who they are working for, and, when 2012 rolls around, see which candidates hire them. Naturally then, you'll see us go to war against those candidates."

At this rate, its going to be a long time before Republicans are in charge again.

Finally Voting For A Winner



I can sleep well tonight knowing that finally, at long last, I've voted for the winning Presidential candidate.

My friend Jenny (Jenny Jo Journalista), who's covering the election for Columbia (School of Journalism) called me while in the crowd around the Apollo Theater in New York City. A madness of honking horns and joyful shouts. "Obama! Obama!" It was great to hear. I, on the other hand, enjoyed a quiet evening watching the results from the sleepy Republican suburbs of Monmouth County, NJ.

First the Giants win the Superbowl, now this. It's turning out to be a great year.