Bringing Up Baby


Luckily Maria and Tony Never Had Kids. Unluckily, Tony Died.

Child-rearing decisions can be difficult, especially in mixed marriages. Do you raise your baby Jewish or Epicopalian? Teach your tot republican or democratic values? Buy him or her a Red Sox or Yankees one-sie? Two young parents living in Commerce City, Colorado were faced with a similar dilemma.

Was their baby a Crip? Or a Westside Baller?


I'm a Blood, foo'

The mother is a member of the Crips. And the father belongs to the Westside Ballers gang. A real-life West Side Story. Except with considerably less dancing.


To Join This Gang You Need Seven Years Of Ballet And Two Of Jazz Tap.

The two got into a very public argument in a Hollywood Video store. Police arrived on the scene and arrested the father for disorderly conduct. "They have different ideas on how the baby should be raised. Basically, she said they cannot agree on which gang the baby would 'claim,'" said Commerce City Police Sgt. Joe Sandoval.

I, for one, hope that the parents are able to put their differences aside and do what's best for their child. Which is, obviously, to induct him into whatever gang this guy belongs to:


Because, Don't You Want To Be On His Good Side?

No word yet from the couple's four-year-old about which gang he'll end up pledging his allegiance to. There are two factors he's considering before making his decision. First, how many of the other gang's members he'll have to cap before earning his colors, and secondly, which gang Cassie the dragon from Dragon Tales belongs to.


She's Actually One Of The Southside Scissors

Whatever he decides, this is likely not the last time he'll be forced to choose between the conflicting views of his two parents. For instance, Mom likes Pepsi, Dad prefers Coke. Which caramel-colored soft drink will he prefer? Or will he rebel and go a different way, staking out his own territory in this crazy mixed up world?

Perhaps he'll choose RC Cola.

Until next time, my Eastside Bagelz brothers, peace out.