Apparently afraid that Britney leaving rehab will steal away the world's attention, Iran captured 15 British sailors.
Very strange. Iran claims the Brits were in Iranian waters. The Brits say they were on the Iraq side of the line. Tensions are high. War seems imminent...
Wait a minute... where have I seen this before?
Bond, James Bond
Yes, that's right. This is totally out of a Bond film...
The encoder is used by media mogul Elliot Carver, as a tool to start a war between the People's Republic of China and the United Kingdom; this is to gain an exclusive marketing device to launch his new worldwide television network. He uses the encoder to send a British frigate, HMS Devonshire, off-course in the South China Sea, where Carver's own stealth ship is located. Carver's henchman, Mr. Stamper, sinks the frigate and shoots down a Chinese fighter plane sent out to investigate. The British thought they had been attacked by the Chinese, and Admiral Roebuck gives M 48 hours to investigate before they retaliate...But who in real life could dream up such a fiendish plan to upset the Middle East just to generate a news story? What evil media genius is so desperate for ratings, that they would actually carry out such a diabolical scheme???? Only one. Yes. That's right...
Yes, yes, I know. I had trouble believing it myself at first. "I loved her on the Today show," you say. "She's so warm and friendly! She wouldn't hurt a fly, unless that fly was hurting another fly, and even in that case, she would capture the fly in a glass and release it a block or two away."
But as my super intelligent investigation revealed, if you're looking for evidence, look no further than Katie's accomplice, Executive Producer of The CBS Evening News With Katie Couric, Rick Kaplan:
Who happens to look suspiciously like...
Just read Rick's bio:
Most recently, Kaplan was president of MSNBC (2004-06), during which time the ratings for virtually every hour of the program day experienced double-digit growth. He developed new programs and worked to improve existing ones, including "Hardball with Chris Matthews" and "Countdown with Keith Olbermann," which recorded its highest-ever ratings during that time. Kaplan also produced major news events, including Election Night 2004.That's right! He "produced major news events"! Including the 2004 election!!! I knew Bush didn't really win!
His bio also says he had a hand in "producing" the Persian Gulf War, the opening of the Berlin Wall, the 1989 San Francisco earthquake and the Los Angeles riots. Now that's a busy evil genius. Elliot Carver eat your heart out!!!
Clearly, we need to find Katie's stealth boat and blow it up before things escalate.
I am aware I'm putting myself at risk here even talking about this. In the tragic event of my death, it's up to you, loyal readers (all three of you) to follow this investigation through all the way to the end. Do not stop until the whole truth behind the conspiracy is revealed!
I sincerely hope that the 15 British sailors are released unharmed. One thing's for sure. We could definitely use James Bond.
[note, the original of this post was erased mysteriously. Katie?]