Groundhog Day, Beware of Mohels
(Does anyone notice he looks just like the guy in Groundhog Day?)
The groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, saw its shadow today, predicting six more weeks of winter weather.
"I don't know how we can defeat the terrorists when someone sends a message like that," President Bush said. "Clearly, this groundhog is an enemy of freedom, and must be stopped."
"Of course it's going to be a long winter," the groundhog responded. "It's going to be a long four years."
The groundhog had been an active campaigner for John Kerry, husband to the state of Pennsylvania's Teresa Heinz Kerry.
"Yeah, I'm bummed he lost, but what can you do?" Phil said. "I'm just gonna stay in my burrow most of the time."
"You can run, but you can't hide," Bush said.
Meanwhile, in other news, am I the only Jew who didn't know this about a circumcision?
"Officials fear babies contracted herpes during circumcisions
NEW YORK (AP) -- City health officials are investigating the death of a baby boy who was one of three infants to contract herpes after a rabbi circumcised them.
Ten days after Rabbi Yitzhok Fischer performed religious circumcisions on twins last October, one died of herpes and the other tested positive for the virus, according to complaint filed by the health department in Manhattan Supreme Court.
The complaint, reported in Wednesday's edition of the New York Daily News, also said health officials later found a third baby who had contracted herpes after being circumcised by Fischer in late 2003.
Under Jewish law, a mohel -- someone who performs circumcisions -- draws blood from the circumcision wound. Most mohels do it by hand, but Fischer uses a RARE PRACTICE WHERE HE USES HIS MOUTH."
Ok, I'll admit. I made up the groundhog story. But this, this is real. Has anyone ever heard of this? I didn't think I was so ignorant about my own religion. But all I can say is we never learned that in Hebrew School.
"You humans are bonkers," the groundhog says.