Ladies and Gentlemen Of Delaware, Meet Your Republican Nominee For Senate...



Is it just me, or is she totally eye-****ing that youth pastor?\

Also, according to Bill Maher, she's not only hot, but she's always got the chronic:

It Can't Happen Here

It began with an attack, led by a bearded man, seeking to destroy the government of a country which stood for everything he stood against. Even though he failed, the people of the country began to fear bearded men like him, began to fear men who came from the same religious background. Right-wing religious, political, and media leaders referred to these people as vermin, less than human. They blamed them for the country's woes, a sick economy, a decline of national culture and stature. Popular cartoons appeared mocking their religion. Their places of worship, houses, and businesses were attacked. Their books were burned...

This may sound familiar to anyone following the current trend of anti-Muslim furor in this country. Osama Bin Laden attacked us. Right-wingers have stirred up anti-Islamic feelings. Those feelings have taken root in people who have suffered in our current economic downturn. Recently, a Muslim cab driver and a mosque were attacked. Now a Florida church plans to burn hundreds of Korans, the Muslim holy book, which have been sent to them from people all over the country.

But the story I began with is not the story of America's relationship with Islam following the September 11th attacks. It is the story of a different country, in a different time. Let me tell you the rest.

Over time, the dehumanization of these "enemies of the state" became accepted by the majority. After that, it was easy to pass laws restricting their freedoms. But this didn't make the people of the country feel quite safe enough. It was then suggested that there was an easy solution to the problem these enemies of the state presented. Kick them out.

I'm reminded of the simplistic solution many right-wingers have offered to the influx of illegal immigrants in this country. But this story isn't about Mexicans either.

But the solution wasn't that easy. Where would these people go? Neighboring countries didn't want them. In the meantime, they were forced to move into cordoned-off slums and makeshift encampments. These became overcrowded. Disease was rampant. The manpower and money necessary to keep these places under control was overwhelming. It was then that someone came up with a different solution. A permanent one.

Hopefully, you've figured out what story I'm telling here. It's the first part to a more popularly known story, an introduction that often gets skipped over, simply because the details of the final part are so chilling, so monstrous.

It's the story of a Jew, Kurt Eisner, who led the overthrow of the German government in Munich at the end of World War I, and was a key figure in forcing Germany's surrender. He didn't do it because he was a Jew, he did it because he was a radical communist. But his attack gave fuel to the right-wing forces that claimed Germany's defeat in World War I was due to leftist elements in their own country, not superior foreign might.





In this atmosphere of hatred, a new leader rose to power. He built his constituency by playing to their basest fears-- that Jews and the communists were trying to destroy their country. His hateful words inspired Germans to terrorize all Jews, no matter what their political beliefs. It was just a matter of time before this leader put into action his "final solution."

Could such a thing happen here? We're not at that part of our story yet. But the first few chapters written after 9/11 look eerily similar to that story of the past, with Muslims (and dark-skinned immigrants) instead of Jews. The Koran-burning parishioners are a reminder that people tend to follow their leaders, even into madness. 11,207 people are fans of this event on Facebook.

How many would have been fans of Kristallnacht?

Jews have a saying: "Never Again." I think that includes making sure that no other group is ever subjected to the kind of hate that spurs the most demonic violence in men.

So I've started a "Americans Against International Burn A Koran Day" group on Facebook. Show that there are enough Americans out there who recognize the signs of a country spiraling towards madness.

"Where they have burned books, they will end in burning human beings." -Heinrich Heine

[UPDATE: The book burning was canceled, proving that when the majority of good people stands up to the minority of bigots, the bigots sit back down.]

New Poll Determines Polls Are Now Officially Useless

In a new poll conducted by the Adam's Life blog, 79% of Americans admitted often lying to pollsters, providing inaccurate or sarcastic answers, or "just plain f*cking with Wolf Blitzer's mind."

The poll came on the heels of a Newsweek poll that showed the majority of Americans believe President Obama wants to impose Islamic Sharia law upon the United States.

"The pollsters ask such ridiculous questions, I really just try to have fun with them," said Roger P. Nobodi, a frequent online poll answerer. "The other day, there was a poll asking if we thought the sun was just the ash from God's cigarette. I thought, 'Okay, well why the hell not?'"

Bill Fakerton, who often responds to polls on Fox News and other conservative news sites, also admitted to not telling the truth.

"Do I really think Obama was born in Pakistan? No," Fakerton said. "But I don't like him. So sure, I'll click he could be from Pakistan. It's not like anyone's gonna call me out on it."

The Gallup Institute, which conducts polls for media, government, and business, expressed doubt that the Adam's Life poll was accurate.

"People lie or give jokey answers to polls all the time," said Arthur Imagenari, spokesman for the organization, "So I don't trust the results of this poll that finds people aren't honest when responding to poll questions."

He then exploded.

"I never lie to pollsters," said Faye Person, a housewife who has nothing to do all day but answer online poll questions. "I just try to give the answers I think they're looking for. Like when they ask if President Obama is secretly part of Bin Laden's inner circle, I figure they're getting that question from somewhere, so it must be partly true."

She did, however, admit to pretending to be in the coveted 18-25 demographic.

"They just care about those people's opinions more," Person said. "And who hasn't lied about their age?"

Nobodi, for one, doesn't plan on answering poll questions honestly anytime soon.

"I'm just having way too much fun. I told some guy the other day that I thought Michael Jackson wasn't dead," Nobodi said. "I'd rather be part of the 10% who feel that way than cowtow to the majority."

Additional findings of the Adam's Life poll discovered that only 65% of Americans use a toilet to go to the bathroom, and only 35% believe the sun sets in the west, 53% think that Terminator 2 was based on a true story, and 92% think Jessica Alba is a MILF.

Jailbreak Your iPhone. Seriously. Now.

I "jailbroke" my iPhone a few weeks ago. And I'll never go back to jail.

You can read the rest of this article first if you want, but you should really just backup your iPhone to your computer right now, then visit http://www.jailbreakme.com on your iPhone, and jailbreak yourself immediately.

But to those who need to know a little more, read on:

What is "jailbreaking?" Is it as illegal and dangerous as it sounds?

"Jailbreaking" is the act of running a computer program on your iPhone that allows you to install software not purchased at Apple's iTunes App Store. That's it. Nothing nefarious and dangerous. It's no more illegal than putting Microsoft Word on your Macbook computer.

Jailbreakme.com was created in part by a guy named Jay Freeman, who goes by the handle Saurik, and titles his homepage "The Realm of the Avatar." In other words, he's a computer geek, and not some Bond villain. He created Cydia, which is the official app store for Jailbreakers. It's not a place full of viruses and eletric fighting monkeys. It's the Century 21 to Apple's Bloomingdales.

Will this f*ck up my $199-$299 dollar phone?

This was my biggest fear. I'd heard things. Like, "Jailbreaking can turn your iPhone into an iPaperweight." And Apple warns you-- "Jailbreaking voids your warranty." But like that lady in the Pledge commercials found out (No waxy buildup!), I too discovered my fears were unfounded.

Let's say, for the sake of argument, the jailbreak does give you problems. All you have to do is plug your phone into your computer, hit the restore button, and your phone returns to its original state, with all the data from the last time you backed up to your computer. So there's no risk. If you try it, and it doesn't work for you, no biggie. You can restore your phone to its "still in jail" state and Apple will have no way of knowing whether you violated your warranty or not.

Why do I have to do this?
Because your phone is boring. Yeah, it was cool to have an iPhone when it first came out, but now it seems like everybody has one. And the only way you can tell them apart? "Oh... that's a nice case" or "Is that a new ringtone?"

This is what my Lock screen looks like:



I have my appointments, my email, weather and text messages all right there on the Lock Screen. And if I double-tap the clock, I get the top news headlines and sports scores too. It's a lot easier than unlocking the phone, then pressing the icon for each individual app and waiting for each one to load as I search for information. I did this with an app called Intelliscreen. Only available for a jailbroken iPhone.

Now look at what you can do to the rest of your phone:



"Look how pretty that text is! Is that Notes App... white instead of yellow? Where's the 3G symbol... why is it... is that the Ohio State logo? And what cell service do you have... Adam... wait, that's your name! And...wait a second... THERE'S FIVE ICONS IN THE DOCK! FIVE!?!?!"

Oh, and you can't tell from a still photo, but that's an animated wallpaper.

There's more.

When a song changes while I'm playing a game or surfing the web, I no longer have to wonder which song is on now. All I have to do is glance at the top of the screen:



And forget about those cheesy "flashlight" apps available at the Apple store. I just double-click the home button and the LED flash of the iPhone camera illuminates.

And honestly, this is the more boring stuff you can do. You can download theme sets that change the look of your app icons... making them 3d, turning them into baseball caps, or making each one a different Playboy Playmate.

You can even change the look of the dial screen and the text message application. Now I represent the Yankees every time I text:



My point is, there are endless options. None of these things are complicated to do. You install an app called Winterboard, which is very easy to use, and you can download different looks from Cydia or RockApp, another non-Apple app store.

So, you can either get really jazzed about the lame wallpapers Apple's store sells, or you can jailbreak your phone and make it even more interesting and fun. It's not a tough choice.

Other things you may want: Unlimited folder capacity and customizable folders, changing the colors of pop-ups and selections, the ability to keep programs loading in the background while working in another app.

And of course, there's the three big not-so-kosher things jailbreaking allows you to do: download free ringtones of popular songs, use your phone as a mobile Wi-Fi hotspot for your computer, and use Facetime over 3G. Just make sure you have an unlimited data plan for the last two.

Ok, I'm sold. Any warnings?

Just a few. One, and most importantly, do not update your iPhone software to the latest version, 4.0.2. There are no new features in this update... it's only designed to block jailbreaks from happening.

Secondly, not all programs and themes are designed for the iPhone 4 and the 4.0 software. If you wait for the descriptions to load (it can take a second or two in the Cydia app) you should be able to find out whether it's designed for your phone or not.

Thirdly, there's a lot of great programs in Cydia and RockApp, but there's a lot with bugs too. One app I tried, which puts actual live weather updates on top of the stock Apple Weather icon, sent my phone into "Safe Mode," which gave me a panic attack. Fortunately, its an easy fix. You go into Cydia or RockApp and simply go to the "Manage" section to delete the offending program (another Cydia App, CyDelete, makes this even easier).

Ok, but...

No, no buts. Do it now. Thank me later.

The Internet Will Not Let You Get Away With It

First, watch this:



Disgusted by that evil witch of a woman? So were the cat's owners when they saw the security camera footage.

They created a page of Facebook: Help Find The Woman Who Put My Cat In A Bin

According to Switched.com:

"Within days, the video had racked up hundreds of thousands of hits as well as tens of thousands of "likes" on Facebook. The woman was eventually identified, and, fearing for her safety, the police have had to put her in protective custody."

How many people have to be shamed on the internet before everyone realizes that nobody can get away with anything anymore?

If you do something bad, the internet will find you out. This would make the world honest, if it weren't for another primary function of the internet, which is to spread lies told by crazy people (i.e. politicians).