School textbooks are brainwashing our kids into becoming Islamic terrorist liberals who hate Christianity and worship at the altar of horse-porn.
So says the Texas State Board Of Education.
“I think our documentation clearly shows that the bias is there,” said Randy Rives of Odessa, who drafted the resolution. “And we feel that it was not done on accident.”Oh my! Randy's figured it out! He's on to the vast left-wing conspiracy that's out to turn America's children into homosexual communist atheists!
For instance, DID YOU KNOW:
-Textbooks say that Muslims once ruled most of the civilized world
-Textbooks say that Christian Crusaders killed people
-Textbooks say that not all Muslims are terrorists
-Textbooks say that some laws passed by liberals worked
-Textbooks don't say that not accepting Jesus will send you to hell
-Textbooks are heavy
"But," you might ask (ha, you said Butt!), "If children don't learn in school that Jesus Christ is their Lord and Savior and that all other religions are just sick, twisted blasphemy, then where will they learn it? My God! Think of the children! The CHILDREN!!!!"
Fortunately for Americans (white, Christian ones), Randy is on the case. That whole crusades thing? Let's shorten that to a paragraph. And replace "forced Jews and Muslims to convert to Christianity on pain of death" to "gave Jews and Muslims fuzzy bunny rabbits to love and cuddle."
They Called Them "Easter Bunnies"
How about the "New Deal," labor and welfare reforms of the post-industrial age? Let's just replace all that with, "Americans prayed really hard, and things just got better and better." Cause that's the real truth.
In fact, let's ditch the textbooks altogether. There's really only one book America's children need to read. It's a best-seller, and it's written by an author who looks down on us from up high, judging us mere mortals by the light of his omnipotent presence.
Thank God for Randy. At least someone in this country is trying to save our children's souls, instead of filling their heads with useless historical facts and knowledge.