Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Other Joes Get Cold Shoulder From Political Campaigns

Average Joe Public

In the election's final month, Republican Presidential nominee John McCain has repeatedly referenced Joe the Plumber in an effort to show voters how Barack Obama's tax policies could hurt the average working man. The tactic is a slight departure from the campaign's previous focus on Joe Six-Pack, mentioned numerous times in the vice presidential debate.

But there is evidence McCain's strategy may be leaving at least one group of prospective voters out in the cold.

"Maybe it's because I'm Jewish, but I haven't gotten much attention from either of the candidates this year," says Joe Schmoe, a former favorite collective pseudonym referred to by politicians.

"I've always been proud to be a part of campaign speeches and debate arguments," Schmoe says. "For whatever reason, it's just not happening this year."

John Doe, long a favorite of the legal community, has noticed a definite trend of politicians moving away from traditional collective pseudonyms towards more specific monikers.

"There's an impression that candidates can make more of an impact by targeting specific groups of voters rather than an American everyman like myself," Doe says.

John Q. Public agrees.

"I thought that movie with Denzel Washington was going to catapult me back into the big time," Public says. "But these days, all politicians want is an occupational name that screams 'lower-middle-class.'"

That bodes well for Joe the Carpenter and Joe the Electrician, both who claim to have an eye on the big time after Joe the Plumber's meteoric rise.

"I've been waiting for the opportunity to be mentioned in a stump speech," Carpenter says. "With the economy as bad as it is, this might be my only chance."

Joe the Electrician has sent emails to the campaigns of both major candidates. "I'm an undecided voter," he says. "If it's anyone that they should be talking about, it's me."

John Q. Public believes we may see more of this kind of thing. "Every Tom, Dick and Harry wants their fifteen minutes, and a desperate candidate seeking to connect with voters might just give it to them."

Tom, Dick and Harry could not be reached for comment.

Other Average Joes are content to sit this election cycle out.

"I'm focusing too much on improving my scores on the SAT," says Joe Bloggs, an average test-taker many students judge their performance against. "If Joe the Plumber wants to expose himself to that kind of scrutiny, then God bless him."

Jane Roe is refusing to vote due to what she believes is a failure by both campaigns to reach out to female placeholder names. "It's always Joe this, Joe that. You'd think Sarah Palin would at least give a shout out to a Jane or a Mary."

Whatever name candidates decide to elevate into the national consciousness in these final days, one thing is certain-- the notoriety is unlikely to last. Joe Six-Pack, for one, knows all too well how quickly fame can slip away.

"One minute you're on top, next minute, they drop you like a dead hooker off the side of a cruise ship," Six-Pack says. "Politics is a cruel game."


Hunter's sister said...

Um, please send this to The Onion. Very funny.

Hot Mama said...

One of the funniest ever!!!

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