Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Google Saves Drunken E-mailers

I admit, I've sent some regrettable e-mails. You have too. Sometimes, it's just because we were emotional at the time. Most likely-- especially now that we have email on our portable iPhones and Crackberries-- we were drunk.

The folks at Google feel our pain. Or rather, they want to spare us the pain of sending a drunken email that will later come back to haunt us:

"Yeah, um, boss... about that email I sent on Saturday at 3:00 am... just kidding, I don't want to quit. And I meant to call someone else a weasel."

World, meet Mail Goggles. Turn this feature on, and every time you try and send an email late at night on a weekend, Google will present you with a few math problems to solve before it sends. The logic being-- if you're in the right frame of mind to do math, then you're in the right frame of mind to send an email:

Math Will Sober You Up Right Quick
See, your teachers were right! Math isn't useless.

Of course, Mail Goggles isn't for everyone. For instance, those bad at elementary school math. And those with Arithmophobia: you're already drunk... adding blood-curdling numbers to the mix can only make your state of mind worse.

But for the rest of us, Mail Goggles can be a very useful tool. Why not extend mind-engaging academic tests to protect us from other erroneous communication? Solve a crossword before you can send that late night "What You Up To?!?" text message to your ex. Name the 12th U.S. President before drunk dialing. Analyze the use of allegory in Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness" before writing on your crush's Facebook wall during a Saturday pre-dawn bender.

Imagine. Suddenly, there would be a purpose to grade school: preventing us from making asses of ourselves.

Which, apparently, was the original purpose of grade school.

Danica McKellar
Maybe The Wonder Years' Chick Is On To Something

Anyways, the Jewish holiday I'm-Sorry-Fest of Yom Kippur is happening this week, so if you have sent a regrettable email, now's the time to apologize, beg forgiveness and repent. Cause even if you're not Jewish, you want to be sure you've got your bases covered, right?

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some math to study up on. I don't want to be stuck if I have to send an email this weekend.

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