Liberals Steal Dogs From Children
By Robbie Republican
Everyday in this country, I hear another frightening story about the downfall of the American family. Our values are quickly vanishing, and soon, we'll be left with nothing but a wasteland of homosexual baby killers, who will soon die off from lack of reproduction and return the land to its natural, God-given state.
The latest story concerns the recent dog adoption by famous lesbian Ellen DeGeneres. You undoubtedly have read my book, Lesbians Are Hot But Gays Are Not, in which I write that lesbians use the devil to convince certain parts of the male anatomy into approving of their lifestyle. On page 113, I refer to DeGeneres as "Ellen Degenerate." That's trademarked by the way.
But Ellen did a noble thing recently. Realizing that two pie eaters are unfit to raise a dog, she gave her adopted pup, Iggy, to a heterosexual family. If only more liberal free love drug addicts did the same thing. Ellen gave the dog to her hairstylist's family. The hairstylist's two daughters, 11 and 12, fell in love with it.
But when the agency called to check in on the dog, they found out about the transfer of ownership. Apparently, they think heterosexuals shouldn't own dogs. So they sent their Greenpeace thugs to the hairdresser's house, and ripped the dog out of the arms of its loving, and moral, new owners.
I am outraged. And so should you be. This is exactly what I'm talking about when I say that liberal America is on a rampage, seeking to tear out the pillars holding up the basic values of our country.
If a dog adoption agency thinks a lesbian junta is a fit owner for a dog, but thinks a typical American family is not, then who's to say that a human adoption agency won't conclude the same thing? It's a slippery slope, people, and the communists are greasing it up.
I urge every good, honest, Christian, hardworking, strong and patriotic American to protest this "Mutts & Mao" adoption agency. Show them that we'd rather let dogs get euthanized then send them into the hairy, brainwashing arms of the liberal lezzies.
My hero, Ronald Reagan, once said, "Win one for the Gipper!" I say, lets win this one for Iggy, for our children, and for America.
Next week, on my radio show, I'll talk about how the liberal media is using Hollywood studios to fool the American public into thinking the war in Iraq hasn't ended already.
Till then, God bless America. We're gonna need it.