Thursday, April 05, 2007

Math Predicts Yankee Dominance, Adam Buys Casino

A-Rod Hopes The Numbers Don't Lie

We all know that baseball is a game of skill, timing, and a little bit of luck. But did you also know that like the fate of the castaways in Lost (ABC, Wednesdays, 10 PM ET), baseball's future is already determined by mysterious, mystical numbers?

Mathematician Bruce Bukiet of the New Jersey Institute of Technology developed a mathematical formula he claims can predict the outcome of baseball games, and the entire baseball season. What team does this formula favor? The Bronx Bombers.

According to Bukiet, the Yanks will rule the league with 110 wins. The Mets, Astros, Padres, Indians and Angels will take their divisions. The Phillies and Twins will get the wild card slots. You can see the full results on Bukiet's website.

Sorry Cubs fans. This is not your year.

Now we can all be like Biff Tannen from Back To The Future Part II. For you betting guys, Bukiet's magic numerals say Andy Petitte has a 86.7% chance of winning today's game vs. Tampa. I strongly reccommend betting your life savings*. You can open a big casino and marry Lea Thompson!!!

Alt. 1985 Biff
Alternate 1985 Biff Had It All

All this is good news to me. I've got four Yankees (A-Rod, Jeter, Matsui and Chien Ming-Wang), two Mets (Paul LoDuca and Tom Glavine), one Angel (Gary HGH Jr.), two Padres (Adrian Gonzales and pitcher Chris Young) and two Twins (MVP Moreneu and Mauer) on my fantasy baseball team.

I've also got Dice-K, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Boston's Japanese phenom. He gets his first start today. He's either the second coming of Jesus or another Hideki Irabu flame-out, judging by everything printed about him in the press. My prediction? 30 wins. 300+ strikeouts. And the Rapture begins.

At least that better be the case. The rest of my pitching staff is subpar. That's what happens when you gamble on Carl Pavano (8.31 ERA in his first outing).

Of course, it's early, so anything can happen. Bukiet's forumla can't account for trades, injuries, or A-Rod's fragile psyche. It can't predict whether Barry Bonds will break Aaron's home run record or break his back. However, it can accurately predict the chances "Mr. Glass" Ken Griffey Jr. will be injured by the time you finish this sentence (100%).

So despite Bukiet's time machine, the future is still uncertain. As we learned from Doc in Back To The Future Part III-- "Your future is whatever you make it." Words we should all take to heart.

Doc & Marty
"Great Scot! Marty, Style In The Future Is Remarkably Similar To Style In The 1980s!!"

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to hop into my Delorean and change my outfielder from Willy Taveras (6 K's in 2 games!!) to Adam Dunn (2 homers in 2 games!).

The future's looking bright.

*Not responsible if you actually take my advice.

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