Monday, November 27, 2006

Colorado Man Campaigns Against Peace

Peace Wreath or Satan's Sign?

Pagosa Springs, CO - A homeowners association president in southwestern Colorado has threatened to fine a resident $25 a day until she removes a Christmas wreath with a peace sign.

"The opposite of war is 'peace,' according to this list of antonyms my son printed for me off the interweb," said Bobby Kearns, president of the Loma Linda Homeowners Association. "So, to my mind, if you support peace, then you're not supporting our troops."

"Some people in this neighborhood have kids in Iraq, and they are sensitive," said Kearns. "Also, the hippies called me 'square' back in high school."

When Kearns ordered the association's architectural control committee to require the homeowner to remove the wreath, they refused. Jack Lilly, chairman of the group, said it decided it was merely a seasonal symbol that didn't say anything. Lilly also said he had received no complaints from homeowners. Kearns fired all five members of the committee.

"God, Jesus, and George Bush have all taught us that peace is the devil's work," Kearns said in a telephone interview Sunday. "If you let one sign go up you have to let them all go up. Next thing you know, gay illegal immigrant meth addicts will be getting married to their 7-year old racially-mixed brothers. It's a slippery slope."

Kearns said he plans to use the money to put a monument to the ten commandments on the development's front lawn.

The sad thing is, that's only partially made up. The REAL article can be found here.

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