Tuesday, November 08, 2005

What's the Media's Obsession With Lesbian Cheerleader Sex Scandals?

Every Man's Fantasy

If anyone thought the media was run by liberals, they're wrong. It's run by men. Who else would make sucha big deal about two cheerleaders, having wild passionate sex in a bathroom stall?

I mean, it's not really news. This stuff has happened for years. Hasn't anybody ever watched "Naked Cheerleaders Volume One?" You'll never look at a cartwheel the same way again, trust me.

This may be news now, but in a month, it'll be a Playboy spread.

They just got out on bail. Their fellow cheerleaders posted bond. Now that's team spirit!

Unfortunately, their intimate moment has caused the two to be kicked off the cheerleading squad. The Panthers Cheerleaders have always had a strict rule: No sex with the players. They've now amended that rule. No sex with each other either.

Why they gotta hate?

I betcha disgruntled and suspended wide receiver Terrell Owens wishes he was a Carolina Panther and not an Philadelphia Eagle. In fact, word is, he's been practicing for a spot on the cheerleading squad:

T.O. Likes Pom Poms

So has former Presidential candidate John Kerry:

Where Was That Energy During The Campaign?

And we all know Bushie can relate to the hectic life of a cheer queer:

Give me an W! Give me a M! Give me a D!

Anyways, if it's anything this whole sordid business has taught us, it's that every so often, God throws the horny sportswriters a bone. How else do you explain how Anna Kournikova got into tennis?

Girls, I sympathize with you. All this attention must be humiliating. You deserve some privacy.

You're welcome to stay at my place.

Update: Fugitive Cheerleader! And Footage Of The Woman She Beat!

1 comment:

Adam said...

not one damn comment? you know how hard it was to find those cheerleading pictures? damn.

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