Hillary Beat Bernie I Guess. So Let's Get Along.

Welp, this will have a few Bernie supporters claiming the media's in the bag for Hillary.

BREAKING: @AP finds Clinton reached the number of delegates needed to clinch the Democratic nomination for president pic.twitter.com/e473F0G4vX

— The Associated Press (@AP) June 7, 2016

I know it's math and Hillary will get the pledged delegates she needs to win tomorrow regardless of who wins the state, but the AP announcing Hillary's win the day before the California primaries has gotta seem like an insult... sorry, conspiracy... to Bernie supporters.

To Hillary's credit, her first statement was one of humility and reserve:

We’re flattered, @AP, but we've got primaries to win. CA, MT, NM, ND, NJ, SD, vote tomorrow! https://t.co/8t3GpZqc1U

— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) June 7, 2016

To Hillary's detriment, a fundraising email sent out by her staff contains images labeled with the words, "Secret Win."

The images in this Clinton email are labeled "secret win." pic.twitter.com/YR4uCdQTZv

— Christina Bellantoni (@cbellantoni) June 7, 2016

That'll get some conspiracy theories smokin'.

Of course, the AP article isn't exactly something that helps Hillary. In fact, it very well could play into Bernie's hands-- Hillary supporters, thinking she's a sure thing, might do their hair or learn to play glockenspiel instead of voting in tomorrow's as-it-turns-out-not-really-crucial Primary elections. Bernie could, as a result, gain ground on Hillary or perhaps eke out a slightly larger margin of victory.

None of that will change the fact that Hillary will receive the pledged delegates she needs tomorrow (added to the superdelegates the AP says have committed to her) to reach the magic Primary-clinching number of 2,383 delegates. Bernie's campaign rightly points out that superdelegates can change their minds before the convention, and that 400 made up their mind before the Primary campaign even began. But that ignores the fact that those 400 who went all-in for Hillary at the very beginning are most likely among her biggest supporters, who will never change their minds. And unless you flip the vast majority of superdelegates (not just some), Bernie's still going to be behind.

So Bernie supporters, I feel you. I know this seems unfair as shit and rigged as hell. But if that's your reaction to today's headlines, it's good preparation for when the official nomination is declared, possibly Tuesday night, Wednesday morning, or on convention day. And that means it's a good time right now for all of us to consider what we do next. 

Hilldawgs gotta open their hearts and minds to the powerful needs and desires of a young, frustrated, progressive movement that deserves to be taken seriously. And Berniebroskies gotta reckon that Hillary is far more likely to represent their interests than a megalomaniac manchild who, at best, will nominate a wildly conservative supreme court justice who strips away our civil liberties, or at worst, will seriously endanger this country's safety.

Otherwise, no one is gonna be liking any of the headlines that come next...

Divided, we lose.

Bloomberg Writer Says Bernie Will Turn Us Into Venezuela

Bernie's "socialism," it should be noted, is not the same as Venezuela's.

If you're a fan of socialism and Bernie Sanders, you're not going to like what Noah Smith has to say about the crisis in Venezuela and how it can happen here:

"When center-left thinkers like Paul Krugman and Brad DeLong tried to restrain the excesses of economists who were over-hyping Bernie Sanders’ economic policy program, many leftists accused them of "hippie-punching,” and claimed that their sensible approach would play into the hands of plutocrats.

But these criticisms are misplaced, and Venezuela shows why. The center-left is the essential bulwark against the kind of aggressive policy mistakes that have doomed dozens of socialist revolutions to dysfunction and collapse. The historically successful approach to economic reform is to “cross the river by feeling the stones” -- a phrase coined by Chinese leader Deng Xiaoping, who undid much of the economic damage done by his predecessors. Gradual reform, not revolution, is a proven winner when it comes to improving the lives of society’s least fortunate."

Methinks even with a Sanders electoral victory, the chances of a socialist revolution happening in the U.S. are about zero, so we should be safe from becoming Venezuela, for now at least.

But I guess, here we're getting a peek into what Trump's line of attack against Bernie could be. Someone trademark the "Bernie Chavez" nickname now.

Did My Novel Forsee An Election Threesome?

My junior year in college ('03) I started writing a novel. The story took part in the near future, when a high profile terrorist attack becomes a harbinger of political revolution and a second civil war. The attack occurs in an election year, and a right wing nationalist candidate rises in the Republican Party. Running against him is an ineffectual, uninspiring Democrat, and a surprisingly charismatic third Party Independent candidate whose support is growing by the day.

In the novel, the election season proceeds deep into the summer, and the Democratic candidate and third party candidate run neck and neck, while near 40% of the electorate remains solidly behind a Republican candidate whose incendiary speeches against Muslims are attracting his own fanatical followers. The Democrats try to get the Independent candidate to back down and unite--but it's no longer clear that scenario will bring out a majority. In late October, the Independent candidate appears to have a distinct lead over the Democrat. 

Another attack just a week before Election Day swings the electorate. Now the nationalist candidate is polling at 51% nationwide. The Democratic candidate and Independent candidate need to join forces but it may already be too late.

I don't want to tell you what happens next in the novel--you'll have to buy it circa 2017-- but needless to say, what happens next is a disaster.

It's strange how this election season has shaped up to (somewhat) match my vision. In my novel, the Republican candidate is a far more lucid and intelligent man than Trump is. In fact, what makes him most dangerous is how he deftly weaves a kind of logic into his speeches--in the grand tradition of eugenics--he's a slick but deeply principled salesman of hate. Imagine Trump wasn't some blubbering haircut in a suit but instead a convincing and calculating presence.

In my novel, the Independent candidate is young, in his early 40s, a first term governor for the state of New Jersey (hey, I got the Northeast part right). He's a centrist, an ex-Republican. He doesn't preach about the evils of Wall Street but he does preach a message of equality. In a stirring speech at the convention, he paints a portrait of human beings as responsible for advancing life throughout the universe, and making sure all souls have a valued role to play among the stars. "We live on a tiny rock hurtling through the vacuum of space, spinning 'round a burning ball of angry fire, while asteroids and meteors and cosmic rays, earthquakes, tornadoes and all manner of natural disasters conspire to kill us, and yet--the thing we fear most is each other?" His campaign motto--I swear, this was really it--is, "America Can Be America Again."

In my novel, the Democratic candidate is just a dull old white guy.

There are enough similarities between my (yet to be completed) manuscript and this election season for me to wonder. Maybe Bernie... gasp... doesn't drop out. The way the Independent candidate in my novel didn't drop out. Maybe this goes three ways down to the wire. Maybe at a certain point, between now and election day, it's Hillary who clearly has less poll support. What does she do?

Hillary supporters deride Bernie supporters as delusional, guns in their own mouths, sore losers who will split the party and help elect a egotistical madman. But what if, in late October, the numbers are reversed? As statistician Nate Silver of FiveThirtyEight points out (in an article about Donald Trump's "unstoppable momentum") the fact is that many voters, "wait long enough to be reasonably sure they are picking a winner," and Hillary has not yet reached the point (a sort of golden ratio) where her election is inevitable. What if Bernie's appeal could be sharpened between now and November--not just as some TARP sour grapes and Occupy Wall Street word salad--but as a unifying human rights message with real power to change the world?

Well, then, wouldn't us "establishment" Democrats--the reasonable ones, as we've told ourselves--need to switch our support to Bernie? If he managed to somehow swing more than just his Bros and Bernettes, and most importantly, grabbed support from dissatisfied Republicans (a scenario that might only be possible for the centrist candidate in my novel)-- then wouldn't we have to bite the bullet too?

Somebody does, before it's too late.

All Heil President Trump

By Robbie Republican

It's been a long time, my fellow Patriots. I've remained mostly silent this Presidential primary season (except for the detailed daily policy debriefings I give to Reagan, my pet wolf) because I've been waiting to see how the Republican nominees responded to the pressures of an election campaign. I'm proud to say that it seems my gut instincts were right all along-- the only man who can lead this country out of the hell it's become under the ego-maniacal dictatorship of Barack Hussein Obama is titan of industry and long-time loyal Republican, Donald John Trump.

What other candidate, Republican or communist, can claim to have been involved in all aspects of American governance? Education? Trump ran his own university. The economy? Trump used his family money to revolutionize industries from meat purveyors (Trump Steaks), to casinos (a proud Native-American tradition). Foreign relations? Trump's so good at nailing foreigners, one married him!

I've taken great pleasure these past few months in watching the democraps self-destruct. It was only a matter of time before they dropped their act pretending to love democracy and started supporting a socialist who can't even afford to tailor his cheap suit. I admit, I got a little worried when I thought they might actually nominate a Jezebel sneaky enough to be a first lady, senator, and secretary of state. Thankfully, it looks like even if Hitlerly Clinton gets the nod, the commies will be too busy crying into their rice fields to vote and Trump will win the Presidency easily.

Imagine it. With Trump in charge, and a Republican Congress, there's no limit to what we can accomplish. A gun in every home and a baby in every rape victim. A Supreme court led by the esteemed Rush Limbaugh. No more he shes perving up our bathrooms--and gay people shoved back in the closet. Imagine it. Donald Trump standing on the shore of Ellis Island, watching all the boats full of immigrants leave our shores forever. Kicking Barack Hussein Obama back to his Kenyan homeland. Finally achieving the vision our forefathers had when they gathered in a church and penned those immortal words, "All men are created by God and if you don't believe in Jesus, get out."

Recently, I was checking the bathroom stalls in the ladies' room for queers when I had a revelation. What if Donald Trump is the second coming of Jesus? All the pieces fit. Jesus was an only son. Trump was an only son. Jesus walked on water. Trump bottled water. Jesus won over 12 skeptical disciples--Trump won over 12 primary opponents. God spoke through a burning bush--Trump spoke and burned Jeb Bush.

Jesus Christ even has the same number of letters as Donald Trump!

This revelation shook me to the core. Ever since Saddam Hussein passed Obamacare and turned millions of Americans over to feminazi death squads, there have been signs the world as we know it is ending. Now it seems the Messiah has come to cleanse this world and establish heaven on Earth.

My brain nearly exploded when I remembered that the book of Revelation says the Jews will sacrifice themselves to hold off the Antichrist's army long enough for the forces of heaven to triumph. What if... what if this Jew from Vermont, Bernie David, is the martyr the Bible was talking about? What if Hillary was the Antichrist of whom prophecy spoke?

I apologize, readers. I usually don't get too religious. But all this is impossible to ignore. Even half of those demorats call Hillary the devil!

Those Bernie Bolsheviks are right about one thing. Revolution is coming. I, for one, will be spending more time in church in the months ahead. Not just for the free change they pass around on those silver plates. I must repent for not supporting our Lord and Savior sooner. Forgive me, Lord, I was blinded by Megyn Kelly.

Here's What Happens When A Transgender Person Goes To The Bathroom

Here's what happens when a transgender person goes to the bathroom:

They go into an empty stall.

They do their business.

They wipe and flush.

They wash their hands (hopefully, for the doctor-recommended 30 seconds. Stay healthy y'all!)

They dry their hands (hopefully, not with one of those Dyson airblades).

They leave the bathroom.

This is all very difficult for Ted Cruz, and apparently, Republican state legislatures to understand:



For comparison, here's how a sexual predator dressed as a woman goes to the bathroom:

They lie in wait for a female to enter the bathroom.

They peek over top of the stall, or into it.

They shove the door open.

They grope, grab, force themselves on the woman.

They run when screams attract attention.

They do not wash their hands, certainly not with a Dyson airblade.

They're arrested when caught by police, or a good Samaritan, and charged accordingly.

No law on the books (or not on the books) allows these predators to get away with preying on women in bathrooms. If some predator thought the law would be on his side... well, they're going to discover that sexual assault, voyeurism, illegal detainment, and any number of other laws on the books exist to punish him for his crimes.

Then there is the very undeniable fact that there's no reason for a predator to dress up as a woman to assault a woman in a women's bathroom. It's not like that makes it any easier. Ben Roethlisberger wasn't wearing a dress when he did it. A man could attack a woman in the bathroom before North Carolina's bill, and they can do it after. It was illegal then, it's illegal now. A bill that says you need a vagina to be in the women's restroom isn't going to make a predator go, "Oh gee, I guess I won't be raping today!!"

Sure, a caught predator could claim to be transgender... but even if that were true, it wouldn't excuse any crimes committed while in the bathroom. It could also be easily refuted by any number of witnesses. Saying you're transgender isn't a get-out-of-jail-free card.

These "bathroom bills" don't keep anyone safe from predators, but they do make "pissing while transgender" into a criminal offense. If it's anyone at risk of sexual assault, it's the transgender person, part of a group that has often been abused and even murdered because of their orientation.

If you're really worried about protecting "your daughter," imagine what would happen to her if she was forced to use the men's bathroom.

That's what North Carolina's bill, and others like it, aim to do--to anyone born into a gender that their brain is not wired to be.