F#ck Snow Plows
"Emergency snow removal"
That's what the security guy at Stuyvesant Town called it at 4:20 am when I called to complain about the freaking snow plows blasting warning beeps every two seconds. It's fing ridiculous. No one is walking around in a snowstorm at 4am-- warning beeps are completely unnecessary. Of course, the noise can not be shut off. But it's louder than my damn alarm is that wakes me in the morning. It's right outside my fing window. I've never wanted to strangle a snowplow driver more. Or at least the fing guy who invented the backup warning beep. I'm thinking anyone who doesn't see a HUGE ASS SNOWPLOW backing up deserves to die. Survival of the fittest and such.
Or here's a freaking novel idea: just let the damn snow pile up. Let us have a damn snow day. Half the city is shut down anyway tomorrow. What ever happened to good old fashioned, "Oh my! We're snowed in!"
Seriously. Suck one snowplows.
[UPDATE: 311 noise complaint filed. Apparently, according to the woman I spoke to, they've been getting calls about this all night. "It makes the time pass," the woman said. At least someone's getting something out of this.]
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Why Are The Others Such Assholes?
They've kidnapped kids. They beat up people for no reason. They put people in bear cages. They lie, all of the time. They seem to have at least 3 different leaders at any given time, and each of those leaders seems to adhere to a non-disclosure policy that would rival the NSA's. Yet they call themselves, "the good guys." I'm talking of course, about the "Others" on ABC's Lost.
I've had a lot of Lost posts recently, so if you're not a fan, feel free to check back some other time. But I think you'll be interested in this post too. I know that people who don't watch the show have a complaint that seems to become more and more valid every time the "Others" appear in an episode. What's with all the secrets? If the Losties really are integral to the Others' or Jacob's plan, why not clue them in?
This came up directly in last night's episode, "What Kate Does," when Jack demands to know why he has to give Sayid a pill that he can't be told anything about.
Well, for the sake of argument, lets say the Others really are the good guys. Their fighting on Team Jacob, trying to protect the world from Smokey. Suddenly, the 815ers show up. Some are on Jacob's list of potential recruits. Some, however are not.
We've established that Smokey/Man In Black/Fake Locke is one devious son of a gun. He's managed to fool Locke into trying to kill himself, he's managed to fool people into thinking he's Locke, or Christian, or whoever else he wants to be. Also, through a "sickness," he's presumably turned some people genuinely nuts.
Now, lets say you're an Other. You've been on the island a long time. You've met your fair share of Island arrivals. And you've seen people on Jacob's list end up going bad due to Smokey's manipulations.
So what do you do to new arrivals? Well, if you're truly protecting the fate of the world, you'll understandably be protective of Jacob's secret game plan. Even when speaking to those who have been designated to carry it out. I'd say it's likely that none of the Others, even Richard, knows all of the island's secrets... the better to protect it. After all, we just saw Ben, one of the Others' leaders, KILL JACOB. Which would seem to be number one on a list of things the Others would not want to happen.
Given this context, the Others' secrecy makes sense. They can't even reveal the full plan for Smokey defeat to each other... how can they reveal it to strangers who the barely know? Especially when those strangers are as easily swayed and manipulated as we've seen the Losties be these past five seasons.
Imagine if Locke, who actually briefly became the "leader" of the Others, had been told the details of Jacob's plan. Smokey would know it all now.
In fact, that, I'd argue, is the exact reason why Locke, and no other Lostie, was the body Smokey chose to take over. Remember... it's Smokey, in Locke form, that tells Richard to give Locke the compass... the compass that in the past, convinces Richard that Locke is special. In essence, Smokey is making sure that Locke is installed as a leader in the Others camp, which is his way of sneaking into the Others leadership structure and undermining their efforts to contain him. Maybe Smokey couldn't get close to Richard Alpert before (he seems to not have spoken to him since Richard was still a guy "in chains") but now, as he marches towards the Temple to wipe out the Others, he's carrying Richard as a hostage on his back.
The Others being assholes really makes a lot of sense. Why not just tell Jack that Sayid will soon be demented and that poison is necessary to kill him? Well, maybe because Jack's own father seems to have been possessed by Smokey or the sickness. How can they be sure the son is any more reliable?
So yes, the fact that the Others make answers really hard to come by is frustrating. But I'd argue that instead of being merely a writer's ploy to infuriate fans and distance casual watchers, it's actually a major part of the plot and a key to understanding the fragile psyche of the Others: protectors of the island, and possibly--quite probably--the world.
They've kidnapped kids. They beat up people for no reason. They put people in bear cages. They lie, all of the time. They seem to have at least 3 different leaders at any given time, and each of those leaders seems to adhere to a non-disclosure policy that would rival the NSA's. Yet they call themselves, "the good guys." I'm talking of course, about the "Others" on ABC's Lost.
I've had a lot of Lost posts recently, so if you're not a fan, feel free to check back some other time. But I think you'll be interested in this post too. I know that people who don't watch the show have a complaint that seems to become more and more valid every time the "Others" appear in an episode. What's with all the secrets? If the Losties really are integral to the Others' or Jacob's plan, why not clue them in?
This came up directly in last night's episode, "What Kate Does," when Jack demands to know why he has to give Sayid a pill that he can't be told anything about.
Well, for the sake of argument, lets say the Others really are the good guys. Their fighting on Team Jacob, trying to protect the world from Smokey. Suddenly, the 815ers show up. Some are on Jacob's list of potential recruits. Some, however are not.
We've established that Smokey/Man In Black/Fake Locke is one devious son of a gun. He's managed to fool Locke into trying to kill himself, he's managed to fool people into thinking he's Locke, or Christian, or whoever else he wants to be. Also, through a "sickness," he's presumably turned some people genuinely nuts.
Now, lets say you're an Other. You've been on the island a long time. You've met your fair share of Island arrivals. And you've seen people on Jacob's list end up going bad due to Smokey's manipulations.
So what do you do to new arrivals? Well, if you're truly protecting the fate of the world, you'll understandably be protective of Jacob's secret game plan. Even when speaking to those who have been designated to carry it out. I'd say it's likely that none of the Others, even Richard, knows all of the island's secrets... the better to protect it. After all, we just saw Ben, one of the Others' leaders, KILL JACOB. Which would seem to be number one on a list of things the Others would not want to happen.
Given this context, the Others' secrecy makes sense. They can't even reveal the full plan for Smokey defeat to each other... how can they reveal it to strangers who the barely know? Especially when those strangers are as easily swayed and manipulated as we've seen the Losties be these past five seasons.
Imagine if Locke, who actually briefly became the "leader" of the Others, had been told the details of Jacob's plan. Smokey would know it all now.
In fact, that, I'd argue, is the exact reason why Locke, and no other Lostie, was the body Smokey chose to take over. Remember... it's Smokey, in Locke form, that tells Richard to give Locke the compass... the compass that in the past, convinces Richard that Locke is special. In essence, Smokey is making sure that Locke is installed as a leader in the Others camp, which is his way of sneaking into the Others leadership structure and undermining their efforts to contain him. Maybe Smokey couldn't get close to Richard Alpert before (he seems to not have spoken to him since Richard was still a guy "in chains") but now, as he marches towards the Temple to wipe out the Others, he's carrying Richard as a hostage on his back.
The Others being assholes really makes a lot of sense. Why not just tell Jack that Sayid will soon be demented and that poison is necessary to kill him? Well, maybe because Jack's own father seems to have been possessed by Smokey or the sickness. How can they be sure the son is any more reliable?
So yes, the fact that the Others make answers really hard to come by is frustrating. But I'd argue that instead of being merely a writer's ploy to infuriate fans and distance casual watchers, it's actually a major part of the plot and a key to understanding the fragile psyche of the Others: protectors of the island, and possibly--quite probably--the world.
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
The Most Terrifying Article You'll Ever Read
Your Cell Phone Is Killing You
And not just that... Wi-Fi too.
Yikes.
"But come on, that can't possibly be true!"
Well... minutes later, I read this article: Beanzawave. Key line:
Your Cell Phone Is Killing You
And not just that... Wi-Fi too.
Yikes.
"But come on, that can't possibly be true!"
Well... minutes later, I read this article: Beanzawave. Key line:
"Heinz claims that snacks can be warmed in under a minute thanks to intense heating action from a combination of cell phone and radio frequencies."I'm moving to the North Pole.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Top Five Lost Plot Threads On Lost
Season 6 started off with a bang, or rather, turbulence, and I can't wait to see what happens. But when I noticed Shannon not of the plane, it got me thinking. No, not about what actress Maggie Grace is doing that's so much better than Lost (cause there really is nothing), but about plot lines that haven't been brought up in a real long while, that better play a part in the series end game or I'll start to question whether the writers ever had any game plan. Here's 5 things that I hope the writers haven't forgotten about.
1) Quarantine/Vaccine/The Sickness
In Season Two, we were introduced to mysterious vials of medicine, which Desmond injected himself with every day and which was administered to Claire and her baby, Aaron. We also learned from the French lady that her team became "sick," and we saw them shoot each other. Later, we saw the Dharma recruits getting "inoculated" when they arrived on the island.
This does not seem like a MacGuffin. Instead, I'd argue, it foreshadows a disaster that will have a huge hand to play in the endgame of Lost. Let's say that humanity is headed for disaster. This was my theory way way back in Season 3. The Dharma Initiative knows the end of the world is coming, so do the Others, and so do Jacob and the Man In Black/Smokey. The difference is, while Jacob, Dharma and the Others want to stop the end of the world, it's clear that MIB/Smokey could care less about humanity:
Does this make sense? Probably not. But all these references to disease have to add up to something. And since we haven't seen anyone on the island fall victim to it, I'm left to assume that the disease can only be virulent outside the island, in the real world.
Of course, I could be totally wrong about this.
2) The Button
Some people believe this question's been answered already. But if the Swan really did just exist to release a pocket of energy, then why couldn't it be automated? There's only one explanation. It was too important to be automated. The release of energy really would end the world. But then why not simply turn the failsafe like, years ago? After all, since Desmond turned that key, the island hasn't exactly exploded.
But what if the button was forestalling the inevitable? What if the failsafe didn't end the danger, but was merely one last attempt to stall the end from coming? Perhaps all the failsafe did was buy more time. More time for... Aaron the wonder baby to redeem humanity?
I've really lost my mind on this one. But Lost has to answer the question: Why did a human being have to press the button? Why couldn't the failsafe have been activated years ago?"
3. Polar Bear?
Dear Lost writers. Don't think you can get away with "Oh, the Dharma people just brought polar bears to the island for research." That doesn't fly. Cause, well, other animals are obviously better suited for scientific research. We've seen them on the show: lab rats, bunnies. Polar bears? No scientist I know of would think bringing Polar Bears to a tropical island would provide sound research. And that polar bear in the Tunisian desert wearing the Dharma insignia collar? Are we really supposed to assume that Dharma hooked a polar bear to the frozen back-in-time wheel, just for kicks? No other animal made sense? They were just like, polar bears are best suited for time travel? That just does not make sense.
Explain the damn polar bears. And your explanation better not be, too much weed before the Lost writing session.
4) WAAAAAAALLLLLT!!
We were told time and time again that the kid was special. But... how? And why? We've seen Walt appear in odd places, we know he has dreams about the future. But we don't know why, and we certainly don't know what his purpose is. There were multiple episodes where Michael, Walt's dad, just screamed "WAAALLLT" at the top of his lungs. Almost an entire season centered around his rescue from the Others. Why'd we go through all that if he has absolutely nothing to do with how this all plays out???
If I had to venture a guess, I'd say Walt is important the same way Aaron is. These kids may be the key to the future if Smokey/The disease gets off the island or if humanity is in peril. But there's also the very real danger that the writers have forgotten about him: DESPITE HIM BEING IN EVERY SEASON FINALE EXCEPT SEASON 5.
5. Henry Friggin' Gale
When the Losties first encountered that weasel Ben Linus, he pretended to be a man named Henry Gale, who arrived by hot air balloon. If we never learn the true story behind Henry Gale, I think I can live with it. But it does seem cheap that they would introduced a hot air balloon and never even reference it again.
Unless...
The Losties finally find their way off the island... again. They pack into Henry Gale's balloon, patched up and still functional after all these years. The balloon begins to take off. But then Vincent the dog emerges from the woods. "Vincent!" Kate yells. She jumps down from the balloon to grab the dog, followed by Jack, but it's too late to stop the balloon from ascending. Kate and Jack watch in horror as the balloon drifts away.
"Now we'll never get home," Kate says.
"Nonsense," Christian Shepherd replies, emerging from the woods.
"Dad!?" Jack says, perplexed.
"You've had the power to go home all along," Christian says. "Just click your heels together and say, 'There's no place like home.'"
"Wait, this is a total rip-off of something," Jack replies.
"Just go with it," Christian says.
Jack and Kate wake up in bed together. "I've just had the strangest dream," they say, at exactly the same time. They laugh and kiss passionately.
Then, the camera pans over to the doorway, where a polar bear stands, wearing a Dharma collar, smiling menacingly before dissolving into black smoke.
Cut to Black. Lost!
Sorry, should have put a spoiler warning before all that.
Anyways, those are the mysteries I hope the writers haven't totally forgotten about. Let's see what they do with them.
[UPDATE] Oh, also, Geronimo Jackson.
Season 6 started off with a bang, or rather, turbulence, and I can't wait to see what happens. But when I noticed Shannon not of the plane, it got me thinking. No, not about what actress Maggie Grace is doing that's so much better than Lost (cause there really is nothing), but about plot lines that haven't been brought up in a real long while, that better play a part in the series end game or I'll start to question whether the writers ever had any game plan. Here's 5 things that I hope the writers haven't forgotten about.
1) Quarantine/Vaccine/The Sickness
In Season Two, we were introduced to mysterious vials of medicine, which Desmond injected himself with every day and which was administered to Claire and her baby, Aaron. We also learned from the French lady that her team became "sick," and we saw them shoot each other. Later, we saw the Dharma recruits getting "inoculated" when they arrived on the island.
This does not seem like a MacGuffin. Instead, I'd argue, it foreshadows a disaster that will have a huge hand to play in the endgame of Lost. Let's say that humanity is headed for disaster. This was my theory way way back in Season 3. The Dharma Initiative knows the end of the world is coming, so do the Others, and so do Jacob and the Man In Black/Smokey. The difference is, while Jacob, Dharma and the Others want to stop the end of the world, it's clear that MIB/Smokey could care less about humanity:
"They come. They fight. They destroy. They corrupt. It always ends the same." - MIB, Season 5 finale.To me, it seems clear Smokey is ready to be done with this whole humanity business. To him, the end of the world is long past due. An end of the world I believe will have something to do with a disease. An evil disease that drives people crazy and destroys everything. In the original timeline, Aaron the baby carried the cure, the chance at mankind's salvation. Perhaps he still does in the new altered timeline. But if Claire gives him up to the wrong people, well, so much for humanity.
"When John first came to the island he was a very sad man, a victim, shouting at the world for being told what he couldn't do even though they were right. He was weak and pathetic and irreparably broken. But despite all that, there was something admirable about him. He was the only one of them who didn’t want to leave. The only one who realized how pitiful the life he left behind actually was." -FakeLocke/MIB/Smokey Season 6 premiere.
Does this make sense? Probably not. But all these references to disease have to add up to something. And since we haven't seen anyone on the island fall victim to it, I'm left to assume that the disease can only be virulent outside the island, in the real world.
Of course, I could be totally wrong about this.
2) The Button
Some people believe this question's been answered already. But if the Swan really did just exist to release a pocket of energy, then why couldn't it be automated? There's only one explanation. It was too important to be automated. The release of energy really would end the world. But then why not simply turn the failsafe like, years ago? After all, since Desmond turned that key, the island hasn't exactly exploded.
But what if the button was forestalling the inevitable? What if the failsafe didn't end the danger, but was merely one last attempt to stall the end from coming? Perhaps all the failsafe did was buy more time. More time for... Aaron the wonder baby to redeem humanity?
I've really lost my mind on this one. But Lost has to answer the question: Why did a human being have to press the button? Why couldn't the failsafe have been activated years ago?"
3. Polar Bear?
Dear Lost writers. Don't think you can get away with "Oh, the Dharma people just brought polar bears to the island for research." That doesn't fly. Cause, well, other animals are obviously better suited for scientific research. We've seen them on the show: lab rats, bunnies. Polar bears? No scientist I know of would think bringing Polar Bears to a tropical island would provide sound research. And that polar bear in the Tunisian desert wearing the Dharma insignia collar? Are we really supposed to assume that Dharma hooked a polar bear to the frozen back-in-time wheel, just for kicks? No other animal made sense? They were just like, polar bears are best suited for time travel? That just does not make sense.
Explain the damn polar bears. And your explanation better not be, too much weed before the Lost writing session.
4) WAAAAAAALLLLLT!!
We were told time and time again that the kid was special. But... how? And why? We've seen Walt appear in odd places, we know he has dreams about the future. But we don't know why, and we certainly don't know what his purpose is. There were multiple episodes where Michael, Walt's dad, just screamed "WAAALLLT" at the top of his lungs. Almost an entire season centered around his rescue from the Others. Why'd we go through all that if he has absolutely nothing to do with how this all plays out???
If I had to venture a guess, I'd say Walt is important the same way Aaron is. These kids may be the key to the future if Smokey/The disease gets off the island or if humanity is in peril. But there's also the very real danger that the writers have forgotten about him: DESPITE HIM BEING IN EVERY SEASON FINALE EXCEPT SEASON 5.
5. Henry Friggin' Gale
When the Losties first encountered that weasel Ben Linus, he pretended to be a man named Henry Gale, who arrived by hot air balloon. If we never learn the true story behind Henry Gale, I think I can live with it. But it does seem cheap that they would introduced a hot air balloon and never even reference it again.
Unless...
The Losties finally find their way off the island... again. They pack into Henry Gale's balloon, patched up and still functional after all these years. The balloon begins to take off. But then Vincent the dog emerges from the woods. "Vincent!" Kate yells. She jumps down from the balloon to grab the dog, followed by Jack, but it's too late to stop the balloon from ascending. Kate and Jack watch in horror as the balloon drifts away.
"Now we'll never get home," Kate says.
"Nonsense," Christian Shepherd replies, emerging from the woods.
"Dad!?" Jack says, perplexed.
"You've had the power to go home all along," Christian says. "Just click your heels together and say, 'There's no place like home.'"
"Wait, this is a total rip-off of something," Jack replies.
"Just go with it," Christian says.
Jack and Kate wake up in bed together. "I've just had the strangest dream," they say, at exactly the same time. They laugh and kiss passionately.
Then, the camera pans over to the doorway, where a polar bear stands, wearing a Dharma collar, smiling menacingly before dissolving into black smoke.
Cut to Black. Lost!
Sorry, should have put a spoiler warning before all that.
Anyways, those are the mysteries I hope the writers haven't totally forgotten about. Let's see what they do with them.
[UPDATE] Oh, also, Geronimo Jackson.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
A Developing Theory Of Lost
Where The F@#$ Was Shannon???
I've had previous theories of Lost, and I still think at least parts continue to hold up after tonight's crazy "sideback" (as opposed to "flashback" or "flash-forward") episode of Lost.
A few quick thoughts, cause my brain is still frantically trying to find room for all this insanity:
Clearly there are two dogs in this fight, Jacob, who's dead now, and Smokey The Smoke Monster, which can appear as a smoke monster, a guy in a black shirt, John Locke, and anything else it wants to.
Smokey, in John Locke form, states his objective in this episode: To get off the island.
So Jacob has been confining Smokey to the island. Now, with him out of the way, Smokey is presumably free to travel.
The Others are Jacob's army, but at the moment, Smokey doesn't seem too afraid. Maybe because, oh, I don't know, he can turn into a column of smoke that kills everyone.
Which raises the question. What happens if Smokey gets off the island? While a smoke monster might provide an interesting new cast member on Jersey Shore, most likely, Smokey would love nothing more than to wipe out us "pathetic" humans. We're talking the end of the world. We're talking like Eloise Hawking did in that episode "Flashes Before Your Eyes."
From Wikipedia:
Tonight, we saw Desmond on Oceanic Flight 815. Which means that he was never on Lost island. Which means that he never pushed the button. Which means very very bad things are coming for the world... his alternate timeline where Flight 815 lands in LAX.
A timeline, in which, I'm pretty sure, Smokey will escape.
Maybe. Hmm.
What was with the island being underwater?
Anyways, things have clearly changed, in a big way. Light has literally turned to dark. And unless the Losties figure out how to put Smokey back in his ring of ash, both lives-- the ones that landed in LAX, and the ones that flashed to the island, are all going to die.
Anyways, I gotta sleep on this. Wild start to the end.
P.S. As I predicted, Cindy came back-- along with Zach and Emma... who just seem creeeeeepy. So did Captain Norris, even if it was just his voice. 3 Down, 8 to go.
Where The F@#$ Was Shannon???
I've had previous theories of Lost, and I still think at least parts continue to hold up after tonight's crazy "sideback" (as opposed to "flashback" or "flash-forward") episode of Lost.
A few quick thoughts, cause my brain is still frantically trying to find room for all this insanity:
Clearly there are two dogs in this fight, Jacob, who's dead now, and Smokey The Smoke Monster, which can appear as a smoke monster, a guy in a black shirt, John Locke, and anything else it wants to.
Smokey, in John Locke form, states his objective in this episode: To get off the island.
So Jacob has been confining Smokey to the island. Now, with him out of the way, Smokey is presumably free to travel.
The Others are Jacob's army, but at the moment, Smokey doesn't seem too afraid. Maybe because, oh, I don't know, he can turn into a column of smoke that kills everyone.
Which raises the question. What happens if Smokey gets off the island? While a smoke monster might provide an interesting new cast member on Jersey Shore, most likely, Smokey would love nothing more than to wipe out us "pathetic" humans. We're talking the end of the world. We're talking like Eloise Hawking did in that episode "Flashes Before Your Eyes."
From Wikipedia:
When Eloise [posing as a jewlery store clerk] showed him a ring and Desmond told her he would take it, she seemed upset and responded by telling him he would not. After Desmond refused to give the ring back she explained to Desmond that she knows his name, he will break Penny's heart, he will not marry Penny, instead entering the sailing race to prove Penny's father wrong, and he will go to the Island and press the button for three years until forced to turn the failsafe key. She said that if he "doesn't do those things," that "every single one of us is dead."
Tonight, we saw Desmond on Oceanic Flight 815. Which means that he was never on Lost island. Which means that he never pushed the button. Which means very very bad things are coming for the world... his alternate timeline where Flight 815 lands in LAX.
A timeline, in which, I'm pretty sure, Smokey will escape.
Maybe. Hmm.
What was with the island being underwater?
Anyways, things have clearly changed, in a big way. Light has literally turned to dark. And unless the Losties figure out how to put Smokey back in his ring of ash, both lives-- the ones that landed in LAX, and the ones that flashed to the island, are all going to die.
Anyways, I gotta sleep on this. Wild start to the end.
P.S. As I predicted, Cindy came back-- along with Zach and Emma... who just seem creeeeeepy. So did Captain Norris, even if it was just his voice. 3 Down, 8 to go.
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