Do No Harm
Excellent piece in the New York Times Magazine about the tragic and terrifying scenes that played out in a New Orleans hospital in the immediate wake of Hurricane Katrina. Harrowing.
I don't know what to think. All I know is it makes me angry. It seems to me that by euthanizing patients who had a chance at survival, however slim, goes against the Hippocratic oath, not to mention basic morality. The main doctor involved may insist she's not a murderer, but that just makes me more inclined to judge her harshly. What kind of person ends a life and displays no remorse for what they did, even if they believe it was necessary? What if it was your parent, brother, sister who was in that hospital bed? Would you still do it? What if it was you in that bed?
What makes it worse is that this woman is seeking to make doctors immune from prosecution for their actions during a disaster. If that bill were to pass, wouldn't it reduce incentive to save patients lives? They could just euthanize everybody and then get out of dodge. Does that seem right to you?
I'd take my chances with God rather than being the victim of some doctor who decided for me that I needed to die.
Friday, September 04, 2009
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
A More Healthy Nation
By Robbie Republican, guest blogger
My fellow patriots. We find ourselves at a pivotal moment of American history. When good men are called upon to fight a menace to our society far greater than the war machines of Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden. I'm talking, of course, about the battle against Barack Hussein Obama's communist health care plan.
As you've probably heard, Obama's plan will euthanize anyone over the age of 65. American citizens will be forced to donate their organs to Mexican immigrants. In addition, small children will be taken from their mothers and raised in a secret Democratic party brainwashing camp, where they will be taught to marry members of the same sex and worship Al Gore.
Well, I for one won't stand for it. And I'm not alone. As Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) recently said about the health care bill, "This cannot pass... What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists..."
That's right. Slit our wrists. Because that's how badly we need to sink this health care bill. Sure, the few without health insurance will die because of undiagnosed hemophilia, and be forced to pay for their hospital stays in full, but it'll be worth it to prove to those fat cats in Washington just how committed we are to making sure no one gets free health care.
Because right now, as Bachman so eloquently puts it, Obama and the Democrats are "reaching down the throat and ripping the guts out of freedom." By giving Americans the option of signing up for free health care, they hope to abolish the legislative branch and install Obama as "Lord and Emperor Almighty, Eternal Leader of the Democratic States of Ameristan." It's a clumsy title, I know, but I didn't come up with it, the commies did.
Just imagine a world in which the Democrats' health care plan passes. The tortures Nazi Pelosi has dreamed up cause my skin to crawl (small children may want to leave the room).
Pelosi says that under Obama's bill, millions of uninsured Americans will suddenly become eligible for something she calls a "checkup." According to my research, it would go something like this: Unfortunate Americans would be required to divulge their entire life history on several forms. Then, they'd be held in a windowless room with nothing more than Readers' Digest magazines from 1998. Upon their name being called, they'd be forced to empty their bladder into a tiny plastic cup, which the torturers would collect for further study. They would then be transferred to a small room where they would be forced to disrobe and sit on a hard slab table covered in tissue paper.
Then the torture would really begin. Popsicle sticks shoved down their throats and bright lights inserted into their ear canals. Their knees will be beaten with rubber mallets, just for kicks. Then these pour souls will be probed with a cold metal torture device called a "Stethoscope," and be forced to cough on command. Finally, in an act of pure malice, their arms will be stabbed and their blood will be collected, presumably to feed the new "Vampire-Homo hybrids" Democrat scientists have invented. Fruits with fangs? That's where the rainbow of health care leads.
I know, I know. I'm shaking with fear too. But when something makes us afraid, we can't shrink back and let it win. We have to stand and fight. And if the other side has more supporters, and more evidence backing them up, well then we have to fight dirty. Even if it means lying about the thing we fear, so other people will begin to fear it too, and join us in our battle.
So spread the lies, true Americans. Say Obama's plan calls for hydrochloric acid to be included in school lunches. Tell your neighbor about Obama's plan to steal guide dogs from blind people. Send an email blast out to your coworkers about Pelosi's proposal to add a hammer and sickle to the American flag. Remember... once its on the internet, it's true.
It's what any good, honest, God-fearing American should do.
Until next time patriots, stay healthy, especially if you're uninsured. And God bless you.
By Robbie Republican, guest blogger
My fellow patriots. We find ourselves at a pivotal moment of American history. When good men are called upon to fight a menace to our society far greater than the war machines of Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden. I'm talking, of course, about the battle against Barack Hussein Obama's communist health care plan.
As you've probably heard, Obama's plan will euthanize anyone over the age of 65. American citizens will be forced to donate their organs to Mexican immigrants. In addition, small children will be taken from their mothers and raised in a secret Democratic party brainwashing camp, where they will be taught to marry members of the same sex and worship Al Gore.
Well, I for one won't stand for it. And I'm not alone. As Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) recently said about the health care bill, "This cannot pass... What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists..."
That's right. Slit our wrists. Because that's how badly we need to sink this health care bill. Sure, the few without health insurance will die because of undiagnosed hemophilia, and be forced to pay for their hospital stays in full, but it'll be worth it to prove to those fat cats in Washington just how committed we are to making sure no one gets free health care.
Because right now, as Bachman so eloquently puts it, Obama and the Democrats are "reaching down the throat and ripping the guts out of freedom." By giving Americans the option of signing up for free health care, they hope to abolish the legislative branch and install Obama as "Lord and Emperor Almighty, Eternal Leader of the Democratic States of Ameristan." It's a clumsy title, I know, but I didn't come up with it, the commies did.
Just imagine a world in which the Democrats' health care plan passes. The tortures Nazi Pelosi has dreamed up cause my skin to crawl (small children may want to leave the room).
Pelosi says that under Obama's bill, millions of uninsured Americans will suddenly become eligible for something she calls a "checkup." According to my research, it would go something like this: Unfortunate Americans would be required to divulge their entire life history on several forms. Then, they'd be held in a windowless room with nothing more than Readers' Digest magazines from 1998. Upon their name being called, they'd be forced to empty their bladder into a tiny plastic cup, which the torturers would collect for further study. They would then be transferred to a small room where they would be forced to disrobe and sit on a hard slab table covered in tissue paper.
Then the torture would really begin. Popsicle sticks shoved down their throats and bright lights inserted into their ear canals. Their knees will be beaten with rubber mallets, just for kicks. Then these pour souls will be probed with a cold metal torture device called a "Stethoscope," and be forced to cough on command. Finally, in an act of pure malice, their arms will be stabbed and their blood will be collected, presumably to feed the new "Vampire-Homo hybrids" Democrat scientists have invented. Fruits with fangs? That's where the rainbow of health care leads.
I know, I know. I'm shaking with fear too. But when something makes us afraid, we can't shrink back and let it win. We have to stand and fight. And if the other side has more supporters, and more evidence backing them up, well then we have to fight dirty. Even if it means lying about the thing we fear, so other people will begin to fear it too, and join us in our battle.
So spread the lies, true Americans. Say Obama's plan calls for hydrochloric acid to be included in school lunches. Tell your neighbor about Obama's plan to steal guide dogs from blind people. Send an email blast out to your coworkers about Pelosi's proposal to add a hammer and sickle to the American flag. Remember... once its on the internet, it's true.
It's what any good, honest, God-fearing American should do.
Until next time patriots, stay healthy, especially if you're uninsured. And God bless you.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Watch Bad Hockey, Get A Free Burrito
I did some searching for discount tickets on the NYU Ticket Central site, and came across this awesome deal for New York Islanders tickets:
Yes, you heard right. Your prize for traveling to Long Island and standing in line wearing an Islander jersey is a free Chipotle Burrito.
Perhaps they're trying to co-opt Pittsburgh Penguins' coach Dan Bylsma's pregame tradition. Hey, it worked for the Penguins...
Of course, doing the math, all you're really getting out of this deal is a $10 burrito.
Full Disclosure: I'm a Devils fan:
That's Me Holding Up The Brodeur Jersey At His 552nd Win
I did some searching for discount tickets on the NYU Ticket Central site, and came across this awesome deal for New York Islanders tickets:
Yes, you heard right. Your prize for traveling to Long Island and standing in line wearing an Islander jersey is a free Chipotle Burrito.
Perhaps they're trying to co-opt Pittsburgh Penguins' coach Dan Bylsma's pregame tradition. Hey, it worked for the Penguins...
Of course, doing the math, all you're really getting out of this deal is a $10 burrito.
Full Disclosure: I'm a Devils fan:
That's Me Holding Up The Brodeur Jersey At His 552nd Win
Monday, August 24, 2009
Jewish Fantasy Baseball Season Shalosh: Final Stretch Update
UPDATE: My Jewish Fantasy Baseball team has gotten some press. Appropriately, Jewish press.
We're heading into the final month of the fantasy baseball season next week, so I'd like to give an update on how this year's Davids of the Diamond have performed. The first year I made an all-Jewish fantasy baseball team, we won 3 games. The next year, we won 8. Will the 2009 Chosen Team improve upon that?
With four weeks to go, it's still possible. The Major League Jews are 6 - 14, good enough for 5th place in the six-team West division of MLB.com league 40701. I admit, I haven't followed as closely as in past years. The team actually started off 3 - 1, but nosedived quickly.. due to me leaving red-hot Jordan Schafer on the bench while Elijah Dukes put up weeks of zeros. Khalil Greene didn't help either. If only I had gone with Schafer/Schierholtz and Eckstein when I left the team on autopilot.
But a big victory last week, 160 - 137, ironically, over a team called "Mount Zion," keeps hope alive for a third straight year of improvement.
This season's biggest Jewish stars:
Ryan Braun: With a .313 average, 26 homers, 12 stolen bases and 89 RBIs, Brauny is punishing baseballs like Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds punishes nazis.
Ryan Zimmerman: He may not be Jewish, but he'd be welcome for any minyan with the way he's been hitting. A .301 average, 26 homers, and 85 RBIs shows that Hashem's written this guy in the book of life for a very good year.
Ian Kinsler: With 26 homeruns and 24 stolen bases, this mench is looking forward to a possible 30-30 season. Could a 40-40 season be in his future? There hasn't been one of those by a Jewish guy since Noah.
(yes, that was an attempted flood joke)
Kevin Youkilis: With a beard Morris Katz would no doubt enjoy painting, the Red Sox third baseman has been playing first for the Jew Crew, and contributing 22 homeruns to go along with a .307 average.
Brad Ausmus: He's tallied only 79 at bats this season as Russel Martin's backup, but from the way Martin has played (.258 4 HR), Ausmus should have been called up to the bemah more. Awesome Ausmus has been batting .304, with 1 HR on the year, and as the only Jewish catcher in the major leagues, that's not too shabby.
This week, the Kee-pa Kids take on the Chicago White Flames, who are 9 - 11 and led by vaguely Jewish-sounding Troy Tulowitzki. Be sure to wish them Mazel Tov.
UPDATE: My Jewish Fantasy Baseball team has gotten some press. Appropriately, Jewish press.
We're heading into the final month of the fantasy baseball season next week, so I'd like to give an update on how this year's Davids of the Diamond have performed. The first year I made an all-Jewish fantasy baseball team, we won 3 games. The next year, we won 8. Will the 2009 Chosen Team improve upon that?
With four weeks to go, it's still possible. The Major League Jews are 6 - 14, good enough for 5th place in the six-team West division of MLB.com league 40701. I admit, I haven't followed as closely as in past years. The team actually started off 3 - 1, but nosedived quickly.. due to me leaving red-hot Jordan Schafer on the bench while Elijah Dukes put up weeks of zeros. Khalil Greene didn't help either. If only I had gone with Schafer/Schierholtz and Eckstein when I left the team on autopilot.
But a big victory last week, 160 - 137, ironically, over a team called "Mount Zion," keeps hope alive for a third straight year of improvement.
This season's biggest Jewish stars:
Ryan Braun: With a .313 average, 26 homers, 12 stolen bases and 89 RBIs, Brauny is punishing baseballs like Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds punishes nazis.
Ryan Zimmerman: He may not be Jewish, but he'd be welcome for any minyan with the way he's been hitting. A .301 average, 26 homers, and 85 RBIs shows that Hashem's written this guy in the book of life for a very good year.
Ian Kinsler: With 26 homeruns and 24 stolen bases, this mench is looking forward to a possible 30-30 season. Could a 40-40 season be in his future? There hasn't been one of those by a Jewish guy since Noah.
(yes, that was an attempted flood joke)
Kevin Youkilis: With a beard Morris Katz would no doubt enjoy painting, the Red Sox third baseman has been playing first for the Jew Crew, and contributing 22 homeruns to go along with a .307 average.
Brad Ausmus: He's tallied only 79 at bats this season as Russel Martin's backup, but from the way Martin has played (.258 4 HR), Ausmus should have been called up to the bemah more. Awesome Ausmus has been batting .304, with 1 HR on the year, and as the only Jewish catcher in the major leagues, that's not too shabby.
This week, the Kee-pa Kids take on the Chicago White Flames, who are 9 - 11 and led by vaguely Jewish-sounding Troy Tulowitzki. Be sure to wish them Mazel Tov.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Hot Lesbian Sex
Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman Have Ecstacy-Induced Angry Sex In New Darren Aronofsky Film
I want to see Darren Aronofsky's new film because... er... I liked Pi so much.
Of course, knowing how the real world works, chances are Natalie and Mila's scene will be disappointing. Because, you know, its an R-rated film and not late night Skin-emax. But it's a pretty hot combo.
Let's take a look at the most hyped Hollywood hottie lesbian scenes:
1. Selma Blair & Sarah Michelle Gellar, Cruel Intentions
OMG! Buffy! Let's face it. Without this scene, there pretty much isn't any point to Cruel Intentions. Yeah, Ryan Phillipe made the girls swoon, but there was no way any self-respecting guy would watch this movie until he heard about "the kiss." And yeah, its hot and all (that little line of spittle that tells you this was no "stage" kiss), but it's really not worth sitting through all 97 minutes.
2. Denise Richards and Neve Campbell, Wild Things
Wild Things came out my freshman year in high school, though I wasn't able to see it until a year or so later, when it came out on cable. Before that moment, I heard again and again how the chick from Party of Five sluts it up in a threesome. When I finally saw it, I thought to myself... take off the damn shirt! Neve never does. And while Denise Richards is fine and all, it's like looking at a naked barbie doll. Except more plastic. And no one wants Matt Dillon to be a part of their hot-girl-on-girl action.
3. Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson, Vicky Christina Barcelona
Scarlett Johansson = Hot. Penelope Cruz = Hot. Sitting through a movie with no redeeming characters, an aimless plot, and an open-ended ending, when there's not even any Scar-jo - P-cruz nudity? Not hot. This is the extent of the much hyped "lesbian scene." At least the movie didn't include some lecherous old guy pursuing an underage girl... like every other Woody Allen film.
4. Bridget Moynahan and Heather Graham, Grey Matters
I have very few complaints about this scene, actually. Bridget Moynahan is beautiful even with her clothes on, and that drunken kiss goes on forever. Beggars can't be choosers.
But unless you're interested in a lesbian coming-out story that features Alan Cumming in drag and Molly Shannon not in character as Mary Catherine Gallagher, the rest of this movie will probably just leave you wondering: how in the hell could Tom Brady break up with Bridget Moynahan?? Come on! She's the mother of your child!!! I don't care if Gisele has the sexy accent. Dick.
5.Winona Ryder and Jennifer Aniston and Lisa Kudrow, Friends
Now this is what I call, Must See TV. Ah, sweeps season. Gotta love it.
Sure, there's plenty more where that came from. But keep these moments in mind when debating whether to see Aronofsky's new film. Just because there's two major hotties going at it, that doesn't guarantee it'll be worth the $11 ticket. In fact, if history shows anything, directors tend to take the rest of the film off after seeing something like this.
And Tom Brady, you suck.
Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman Have Ecstacy-Induced Angry Sex In New Darren Aronofsky Film
I want to see Darren Aronofsky's new film because... er... I liked Pi so much.
Of course, knowing how the real world works, chances are Natalie and Mila's scene will be disappointing. Because, you know, its an R-rated film and not late night Skin-emax. But it's a pretty hot combo.
Let's take a look at the most hyped Hollywood hottie lesbian scenes:
1. Selma Blair & Sarah Michelle Gellar, Cruel Intentions
OMG! Buffy! Let's face it. Without this scene, there pretty much isn't any point to Cruel Intentions. Yeah, Ryan Phillipe made the girls swoon, but there was no way any self-respecting guy would watch this movie until he heard about "the kiss." And yeah, its hot and all (that little line of spittle that tells you this was no "stage" kiss), but it's really not worth sitting through all 97 minutes.
2. Denise Richards and Neve Campbell, Wild Things
Wild Things came out my freshman year in high school, though I wasn't able to see it until a year or so later, when it came out on cable. Before that moment, I heard again and again how the chick from Party of Five sluts it up in a threesome. When I finally saw it, I thought to myself... take off the damn shirt! Neve never does. And while Denise Richards is fine and all, it's like looking at a naked barbie doll. Except more plastic. And no one wants Matt Dillon to be a part of their hot-girl-on-girl action.
3. Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson, Vicky Christina Barcelona
Scarlett Johansson = Hot. Penelope Cruz = Hot. Sitting through a movie with no redeeming characters, an aimless plot, and an open-ended ending, when there's not even any Scar-jo - P-cruz nudity? Not hot. This is the extent of the much hyped "lesbian scene." At least the movie didn't include some lecherous old guy pursuing an underage girl... like every other Woody Allen film.
4. Bridget Moynahan and Heather Graham, Grey Matters
I have very few complaints about this scene, actually. Bridget Moynahan is beautiful even with her clothes on, and that drunken kiss goes on forever. Beggars can't be choosers.
But unless you're interested in a lesbian coming-out story that features Alan Cumming in drag and Molly Shannon not in character as Mary Catherine Gallagher, the rest of this movie will probably just leave you wondering: how in the hell could Tom Brady break up with Bridget Moynahan?? Come on! She's the mother of your child!!! I don't care if Gisele has the sexy accent. Dick.
5.Winona Ryder and Jennifer Aniston and Lisa Kudrow, Friends
Now this is what I call, Must See TV. Ah, sweeps season. Gotta love it.
Sure, there's plenty more where that came from. But keep these moments in mind when debating whether to see Aronofsky's new film. Just because there's two major hotties going at it, that doesn't guarantee it'll be worth the $11 ticket. In fact, if history shows anything, directors tend to take the rest of the film off after seeing something like this.
And Tom Brady, you suck.
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