The Five Worst Holiday Gift Ideas For 2010

I love holiday shopping. It's just fun to buy gifts, and it's especially fun to receive them. I even wrote a gift guide on this blog two years ago (some of those stores have since closed). But today, I'm writing about bad gifts. Laughably bad gifts that are available from major retailers this holiday season. These Ho Ho Horrendous presents are guaranteed to ruin anyone's Christmas or Chanukah spirit.

5. Pillow Remote Control



This is what happens when someone has an idea and never really thinks it all the way through. "You’ll never lose this remote in-between the cushions. Because it IS a cushion!!!!!!"

Um, yeah, it's also an uncomfortable pillow, and incredibly awkward as a remote. There's a distinct possibility laying down on it will change the channel. It's not exactly ergonomically designed and lacks easy navigation controls for today's menu-based cable and satellite systems. The sum of the parts, in this case, does not add up to a whole.

4. Tokyoflash Kisai Wasted Watch



Someone will want this. Someone will inevitably think this looks cool. But for more than $80, plus shipping and handling, this wristwatch will make telling the time... almost impossible. I mean, there's a whole YouTube video explaining it, and I'm still lost. Imagine if you're running late. You'd never know it.

3. Ballistic Shoes



According to SkyMall, these shoes can "defy gravity" and "catapult" your legs as you run. They also feature, for some unexplained reason, a sperm logo. Ball-istic indeed!

2. Beard Oil



As much as I like New York Magazine and their quirky gift recommendations... oil for a beard? Even if your man (or woman) sports a beard, it's hard to imagine anyone getting that excited over this.

1. The Vulcanite Anal Douche



This product was actually featured in Yahoo's Holiday Gift Guide (Under "Personal Care"). I guess that's why they're not as big as Google.

Of course, I guess this gift works if you're trying to send a message.

Yankee Stadium On Sale Today!

The New York Yankees announced today that they've finally reached a deal with the State of New York to sell parts of "The House That Ruth Built."

Apparently, the Yankees still believe people have enough money to pay for $2,500 dollar seats in the new stadium AND $750 for a seat from the old one.

But read the fine print... the $750 dollar "deal" is actually a fraud:

The commemorative seats are authentic seat backs and bottoms with new commemorative arms.

Which means that for $750, you're actually getting only 75% of an old Yankee Stadium seat, combined with a brand new armrest.

So if you really want authentic, a pair of seats goes for $1499.99 (plus $70 shipping), and unlike the solo seats, these are 100% the real thing, not refurbished in any way.

But while seats are undeniably cool (and may even tempt some people in this economy, despite the high sticker), some of the other items up for sale at Steiner Sports are, er... less appealing:

Like, er.. this:


Finally, the Famed Yankee Stadium Goya Beans Sign Can Be Yours!!

Or this:


I Swear Guys, It's From Yankee Stadium! I Have The Certificate Of Authenticity Here Somewhere...

Or this:


Brian Cashman's Filing Cabinet! Just Think Of All The Files He Kept In There!

(Like the ones that said "Don't trade for Johan Santana)

To be fair, there's some cool stuff being offered (The auction price for a "Be Alert Foul Balls" sign is only $200 as of now). And if you have an extra $50,000 dollars lying around, why not spend it on the most ridiculous item of all: the Yankee-logo-emblazoned turf from behind home plate:


Um... So, Okay, Where Do I Put This Exactly?

Your personal 20 x 20 foot piece of Authentic Yankee Stadium Sod from behind home plate with the interlocking NY comes complete with a bag of peat moss, grass seed, and a flag stating its origin: Yankee Stadium. You will also receive a 16x20 photograph of the final game at the original Yankee Stadium, a Joe DiMaggio Diary page along with instructions on how to properly care and maintain the sod, the official interlocking NY logo stencil and white paint. A Yankees-Steiner Letter of Authenticity is included. The grass will be delivered to your house and will be transplanted for you. The highest success for replanting is in the northern regions of the United States.

I guess that means Yankee fans down in Boca Raton are sh*t out of luck.

Can you imagine the discussions with the kid who mows your lawn?

"Yeah, Billy... be extra careful on that $50,000 dollar patch of grass right there."

And... oh yeah; come first snowfall, your investment is going to look like this:


Quick! Roll Out The Tarp!!

For $50,000, I'm expecting the Yankee Stadium grounds crew to come to my home and perform the YMCA:

Friday Food Holiday Gift Guide

They say the quickest way to someone's heart is through their stomach (though as my doctor friends point out, it's quicker to make an incision in the breastplate.) In NYC, you can step it up a notch above a box of Godivas fairly easily and cheaply.

Just visit these places below:

The Store: Fat Witch Bakery, 75 9th Ave. (Chelsea Market)

What You'll Find:

Holiday Cauldron Special, $18.99. One luscious, gooey, mmm Fat Witch brownie is $2.75... this collection has 7 Fat Witch Baby Brownies, 3 Blonde Babies and 3 Walnut Babies.

Also look for: For do-it-yourselfers, Fat Witch's Original Brownie Mix.

The Store: La Maison Du Chocolat, 30 Rockefeller Center.

What You'll Find:

Chocolate Macaroon, $2.50 ea. This isn't one of those dry, coconutty lumps for Passover... this is the best cookie they'll ever have in their life. Gift boxes with a variety of flavors are available.

Also look for: Chocolate Covered Fruit, Tasse De Chocolat-- dark chocolate beads, and, if you're in the store, a overdose-inducing cup of Hot Chocolate.

The Store: Butter Lane, 123 E. 7th St.
What You'll Find:

Chocolate Cupcake with French Vanilla Buttercream Icing,$2.50. There's no way you'll want to wait in line at Magnolia, so try these cupcakes on for size.

Also look for: A much-raved-about Banana Cream Cheese cupcake (which I was unfortunately not able to sample), a variety of French buttercream and American buttercream (the staff will explain the difference) cupcakes.

The Store: Build A Green Bakery, 223 First Ave.

What You'll Find:

Big Box of Little Cookies, $15.00. Size doesn't matter... with these cookies. Always fresh, they pack some big taste.

Also look for:New York Chocolate Cheesecake and Peanut Butter Chocolate Cheesecake, out this month, and their tasty Blueberry Corn Muffins.

The Store: Dylan's Candy Bar, 1011 Third Ave.

What You'll Find:

Dylan's Candy Bar Striped Scarf, $42.00. I was gonna feature some candy here, then I saw this scarf with pockets. A scarf with pockets! I thought of that first.

Also look for: Candy. All kinds. Everything from a Pez Elvis Gift Set to Chocolate Covered Peanuts in a Paint Can. Yes, a Paint Can. Paint not included.

New MSN Article: Grandparent Gadgets



You won't find walkers or an old bowl of Werther's Originals on this list. Only hip and helpful tech gifts for the hip-replacement set.

New York City Holiday Gift Guide: Sports and Dorks

Just a handful of places today, where you can find gifts for your sports fan or, er... anti-sports fan. Let's go NYU Bobcats!! Yes... its Bobcats. Not Violets. I swear.

The Store: Steve & Barry's, 100 W. 33rd St. (Manhattan Mall)

What You'll Find:

Long-Sleeve College T-Shirt, $4.00. Help your friend or relative feel like a college kid again.

Also look for: Steve and Barry's is going out of business, and the phrase "picked over" doesn't begin to describe the remaining items from their closing sale. But if you get there this week, there's still plenty of Steve & Barry's fleeces, Laird Hamilton's "Wonderwall" surf-clothing collection, University of Michigan Varsity-Style Jackets, and ridiculously cheap earrings and other accessories.

The Store: Yankees Clubhouse Store, 393 Fifth Ave.

What You'll Find:

New York Yankees vs Boston Red Sox Connect Four MLB Game, $19.99. The only bad part about this gift? Someone ends up having to play as the Red Sox.

Also look for: Yankees Jerseys and Caps, a Yankees Mr. Potato Head doll.

The Store: Paragon Sports, 867 Broadway

What You'll Find:

Finis SwiMP3 V2 Player, $111.96. For the swimmer who found out the hard way that iPods don't work underwater.

Also look for: Every sporting good under the sun, Custom Pocket Knives, and some great lawn games, like the Franklin Sports Spongebob All Sport Set, which includes a pop up goal and soccer ball.

The Store: Jewish Book Center of The Workman's Circle, 45 E. 33rd St.

What You'll Find:

Mensch T-Shirt, $13.00. For the mensch who has everything, except a T-Shirt printed with the definition of what a Mensch is.

Also look for: Musical Dreidels, books on Kabbalah, or Jewish Mysticism, and for aspiring Jewish Jocks, the Shvitz! My Yiddishe Workout DVD.

The Store: Bauman Rare Books, 535 Madison Ave.

What You'll Find:

Issac Asimov's Book Of Facts, Signed By The Author, $150. The king of sci-fi for your sci-fi fan. As long as he doesn't mind that Asimov wrote in it.

Also look for:A framed collection of Beatles' Autographs, rare first editions of books and manuscripts.

More gift guide to come. See the whole gift guide, here.

New York City Wacky Japanese Gift Guide

The gift guide continues...

Those Japanese are really ahead of the curve. I mean, first, Nintendo. Then sushi. Then Tamagachi. Then Alyssa Milano and Jennifer Love Hewitt as major pop stars. Well, okay, maybe they don't know music. But they good know what looks good and is fun to play with. Us Americans struggle to keep up. Unless you shop at these stores below, beacons of Japanese brilliance shining through the concrete caverns of New York City:

The Store: AC Gears, 69 E. 8th St.

What You'll Find:

Takaratomy Air Guitar Pro Acoustic, $55.99. Air guitarists everywhere now have an alternative to Guitar Hero and Rock Band.

Also look for: Cool gadgets like the Dreams DJ Speaker, a keychain-sized device that allows you to DJ-scratch along with your iPod, cool accessories like Angel and Devil Earphones, and the most fun alarm clock you'll ever see, the Bandai Gun Oclock Alarm Clock:



The Store: Kid Robot, 118 Prince St.

What You'll Find:

Yummy Breakfast Keychain, $4.95 ea. Who doesn't want a smiling short-stack of pancakes holding their keys together?

Also look for: Vinyl and metal figurines ranging from the dark and subversive (Cannibal FunFair Figurines) to the adorable and deplorable (cigarette-addicted Smorkin` Labbits).

The Store: Giant Robot, 437 E. 9th St.

What You'll Find:

Lie Detector Toy, $21.00. Now you can tell if they really like their gift.

Also look for: Unique stocking stuffers like the furry monster-shaped Domokun Small Coin Purse, Super Mario Brothers keychains. Also, er, the I'm-not-convinced-it's-innocent Elite Banana Massager, shaped like the fruit.

Tuesday Toy Store Gift Guide

I love toys. So do you. Everyone loves 'em. And in New York City, you're not limited to KB Toys at the mall or Toys R' Us. You can find some toys here that you can't find in many places. Not even at the North pole.

The Store: Dinosaur Hill, 306 E. 9th St.

What You'll Find:

"Where The Wild Things Are" Puppets, $27.50. This is one seriously cute monster.

Also look for: Handcrafted, old-fashioned wooden toys, kid's instruments like a miniature Calypso Steel Drum, and the adorable shaggy Razzy, the owner's schnoodle (not for sale).

The Store: Kidding Around, 60 W. 15th St.

What You'll Find:

Pottery Wheel, $50.00. Because how else can your kid re-create the scene from Ghost?

Also look for: Shrinky Dinks, Creativity For Kids arts & crafts sets, the kid-ridable Yellow Jacket Plane.

The Store: Alphabets, 115 Ave. A

What You'll Find:

MyTunes MP3 Amp, $40.00. Crank up your Coldplay/Joe Santorini collection way past 11.

Also look for: Gag gifts, funky t-shirts, Ugly Dolls, Slinky Dogs, wallets and watches, like the Android “Radar” Watch.

The Store: Boomerang Toys‎, 173 W Broadway

What You'll Find:

Elite Fleet Battery Powered Backyard Flyer Airplane, $18.00. For those not old enough to fly a real airplane.

Also look for: Classic brand name toys like a Thomas the Train Engine Wooden Train Set, animal puppets by Folkmani, and activity sets like Marvin's Magic Box Of Tricks.

The Store: FAO Schwarz, 767 5th Ave.

What You'll Find:

Make Your Own Muppet, $130. Amateur Jim Hensons, now's your chance to create the new Kermit.

Also look for: The home version of the Piano Dance Mat featured in the Tom Hanks movie, "Big," plus basically every toy you can imagine.

Monday Museum Gift Guide

There are lots of museums in New York, all with their own gift shop. And those are great places to find unique gifts not found anywhere else. Below are five that I've been to. There's a lot more where this came from, so get out this week and help the NYC economy by shopping until dropping.

The Store: MOMA Design Store, 81 Spring St.

What You'll Find:

Lumen Oil Lamp, $50.00. Start a forest fire, without all the damage!

Also look for: Muji products, like the Muji Jewelry Box With Mirror, and funky watches, like the Matthew Waldman-designed Zub 20 Zot Watch.

The Store: American Folk Art Museum Gift Shop, 45 W. 53rd St.

What You'll Find:

Handcrafted Board Piano, $38.00. Made in Pennsylvania, adapted from an ancient African folk instrument, its a finger-pickin' good time.

Also look for: A Cat Face Pillow, handsewn by Indian artisans, and an folk-artist-designed Compass Necklace.

The Store: Ukranian Museum Gift Shop, 222 E. 6th St

What You'll Find:

Inlaid Ring Box, $27.00. Because your mail-order Ukranian bride will need something to put her other husband's wedding ring in.

Also look for: Гаррі Поттер - повна серія книжок, which translates roughly to, a collection of 7 Harry Potter books, in the "original" Ukranian. Also Ukranian Dolls and Teddy Bears.

The Store: American Museum Of Natural History, Central Park West at 79th St.

What You'll Find:


Space Navigator, $75.00. Give them the sun, the moon, the planets and the stars with this electronic guide to the night sky.

Also look for: The gravity defying Cosmic Rocket, a Paint-Your-Own_Butterfly art kit, and the Chemc500 Chemistry set.

The Store: De La Vega, 102 St. Marks Pl.

What You'll Find:

Become Your Dream T-Shirt, $35.00. James De La Vega's St. Marks street shop isn't a museum, per se, but he's got plenty of graffiti-style, counter-culture art to buy.

Also look for: Prints, stickers and T-shirts from De La Vega's "Mother Series," in which he depicts his mother as Castro, John Lennon, and other figures.

Stay tuned, the city gift finder continues...

The New York City Gift Guide



Holiday time is here again, and whether you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza or Festivus, you're probably looking to buy a few gifts (or, in the case of Festivus, preparing for The Airing of Grievances). There's no better place to do that than New York City, home to funky, fresh and fabulous gifts you can't find anyplace else.

I've been to a plethora of present purveyors during my time in the city, and I went to some of the best (i.e. most conveniently located to my home, business, and friends' apartments) to uncover some good ideas for your family and friends this shopping season.

We'll cover five stores today, with more to follow all next week!

Browsing these stores is highly reccommended, even though most have websites. They're all colorful, fun and unique. You never know what you'll find. Remember, if you do your holiday shopping right, those Christmas carols will sound a little merrier, those Chanukah candles will seem to burn brighter, that Kwanza basket will appear to overflow with abundance, and that cold aluminum pole just may feel a little less cold.

The Store: Exit 9, 64 Ave. A

What You'll Find:

My Ukelele, $49.00. Make beautiful music.

Also look for: Gag gifts, like a spongy Shower Mic, and interesting gadgets like a Solar Radio.

The Store: Daily 235, 235 Elizabeth St.

What You'll Find:

Rody, $65. A rocking horse for the new millenium.

Also look for: Gag gifts like the "Control A Man" Remote and "Convert To Judaism" Breath Spray, cute items like Animal Clocks.

The Store: VIDEOGAMES NEW YORK, 202 E. 6th St.

What You'll Find:

Nintendo DSi, $299.99. Unreleased in the U.S., this Japanese import is gamer nirvana.

Also look for: Old-school classic gaming systems like the Nintendo Game & Watch.

The Store: Tiny Living, 125 E. 7th St.

What You'll Find:

10x Office Tool, $21.95. Stapler, hole punch, and 8 more office necessities in one tiny package.

Also look for: Accessories for a small apartment, like the Fireplace Candle and Folding Wine Rack.

The Store: Sam Flax, 12 W. 20th St.

What You'll Find:

Kikkerland Windup Zecar, $14.95. Wind-up fun.

Also look for: Desk games like the Ruda Metal Football Game Desk Set and arts & crafts gifts like the Melissa & Doug Table Top Easel.

Christmukah Fun In NYC



I need to go to this:

NBC- F. A. O. Schwarz has a make-your-own Muppet station called The Muppet Whatnot Workshop! The store provides a slew of wigs, eyes, noses, outfits, and body types to choose from, which combined allows for 72,576 different variations of Muppets.

The Make-Your-Own Muppets cost $130 each, but Kermit makes a pretty good argument for buying one, now: Kermit & Ms. Piggy

The puppets are the real deal-- the same materials and quality that they use for the various Muppets shows.

You'll be able to design your own Muppet online starting in February, but if you're in New York City, why wait? Or rather, why not wait... on line at F.A.O., that is, for about two hours or so.

"Gads" For Dads and Grads
Best Tech Gadget Gifts For Father's Day and Graduation

My latest MSN piece:



Enjoy!

Other gift ideas that didn't make it into the final article:

For Dads:



The “Grill Master”: Dad makes the best hamburgers in the neighborhood, but even he could use some help. The Char-broil Commercial Series Infrared Gas Grill uses an infrared burner system that eliminates flare-ups that cook food unevenly. An 810 sq. inch stainless steel cooking area provides room for approximately 36 burgers, and a 13,000 BTU side stove with griddle is perfect for heating sauces or vegetables. $499 at lowes.com.



The "Couch Potato”: After eating all that meat, Dad might need to hit the gym. He can work out at home using Wii Fit for the Nintendo Wii. The game uses a wireless peripheral called the Wii Balance Board, which measures body mass index and helps players perform more than 40 different exercises, including step aerobics, yoga, even simulated skiing. $89.99 + Nintendo Wii ($294.99) at gamestop.com.



“Mr. Fix It”: Every craftsman needs a cordless drill, and the Makita 18V Compact Lithium-Ion Cordless ½ inch Driver-Drill Kit packs the most power in a light package, providing 450 pounds of torque while weighing in at a measly 3.5 pounds. And it only takes 15 minutes to charge the battery. $201 at homedepot.com



"The Traveling Salesman": When Dad's on the road, he might miss all those shows he watches at home. Help alleviate the homesickness with the Sling Media Slingbox Pro. The device connects to your cable or satellite box at home, and beams the signal through the internet to your mobile phone or laptop. $249.99 at circuitcity.com.



"The Outdoorsman": You've heard of the old idiom "carrot and stick," but the folks at Element 21 took it literally. They built their E21 Carrot Stix Fishing Rods with a composite material containing 70% cellulose fibers extracted from—you guessed it—carrots. The result is a lightweight, but durable fishing rod that won the Freshwater Rod award and overall Best of Show at the 2007 American Sportfishing Association's annual convention. $149.95 at e21fishing.com.

For Grads:



Beach Bum: After four grueling years of college—which involved no partying whatsoever—your graduate deserves to relax. This summer, they can lounge poolside or on the beach listening to their iPod on the weather-resistant BoomBucket Portable Music System. Unlike many other iPod docks, a clear cover protects the iPod from harm. The bucket doubles as a portable iPod charger. $150.00 at brookstone.com



The Blogger: Whether your son or daughter is the next TalkingPointsMemo or the next Washingtonienne, they'll need a laptop computer to type up their story. For Apple fans, there's the MacBook Air, one of the lightest laptop computers on the market, good for when reporting breaking news from the field. For PC lovers, Lenovo's ThinkPad X300 is nearly as thin and light as the Air, and includes a DVD burner drive. Air, $1799 at apple.com. Thinkpad, $2799.99 at compusa.com.



The Amateur Photographer: Your graduate has an eye for the perfect picture—just check out those photos they posted on Facebook. The Sony Cybershot W170 Digital Camera has 10.1 megapixel resolution, a 5x optical zoom, face recognition and anti-blur, plus "Smile Shutter" technology—which can automatically capture the moment your subject is smiling or laughing. $299.99 at bestbuy.com



The Traveler: Many graduates want to see the world before settling into a job. Make sure they don't get lost. The Garmin nuvi GPS Navigation touch-screen devices are small enough to fit in your pocket and come loaded with road maps and millions of points of interest for North America. The top of the line 750 model includes an MP3 player, audio book player, picture viewer, and a currency converter. Optional features include traffic alerts and a subscription to MSN Direct content. $250 - $600 at garmin.com.



The Pod Person: Wherever your grad goes, they'll probably need some portable entertainment. Not much needs to be said about the iPod Nano, the latest in the line of Apple's popular MP3 players. The slim, palm-sized player comes in six different colors and both the 4 GB and 8 GB models have plenty of room for your graduate's collection of music, TV shows, movies and podcasts. $149 at apple.com.