Love Of Deep Dish Pizza May Have Killed CIA Agents, Informants In Iran, Lebanon

This is not a funny story: CIA Spies Caught, Fear Execution

If these agents are executed, it's a tragedy of epic proportions. If the government of Iran can somehow put a kibosh on the killings (perhaps in exchange for recent sanctions against Iran being reconsidered), it's still a major blow to American intelligence operations in the Middle East.

The craziest part is that the spies may have been compromised due to the location where they repeatedly (and seemingly without deviation) chose to meet:

In Beirut, two Hezbollah double agents pretended to go to work for the CIA. Hezbollah then learned of the restaurant where multiple CIA officers were meeting with several agents, according to the four current and former officials briefed on the case. The CIA used the codeword "PIZZA" when discussing where to meet with the agents, according to U.S. officials. Two former officials describe the location as a Beirut Pizza Hut. A current US official denied that CIA officers met their agents at Pizza Hut.

From there, Hezbollah's internal security arm identified at least a dozen informants, and the identities of several CIA case officers...

One former senior intelligence official told ABC News that CIA officers ignored warnings that the operation could be compromised by using the same location for meetings with multiple assets.

"We were lazy and the CIA is now flying blind against Hezbollah," the former official said.

Lazy? Or just in love with deep dish... or stuffed crust? It's not something to laugh about, but something that just makes you shake your head and wonder. Isn't it common sense not to always meet in the same place?

After all, the pizza's not even that good.

This never would have happened if they just ordered in Domino's.

Two Plus Two Equals Five

"How can I help seeing what is in front of my eyes? Two and two are four."

"Sometimes, Winston. Sometimes they are five. Sometimes they are three. Sometimes they are all of them at once. You must try harder. It is not easy to become sane."
--George Orwell's 1984

This week, you may have heard about a little U.S. intelligence report that declared, "Iran stopped nuclear weapons work in 2003."

You would think this news would be cause for celebration. Bogged down in the explody mess of Iraq, and the forgotten war in Afghanistan, the last thing America needs is a third conflict to divide our already stretched-thin troops and sink us further into debt. And you'd think that Bush and Company would welcome this news, because it proves that however misguided their war in Iraq was, it may have influenced Iran's decision to halt their program. Hey, they actually did accomplish 1/100th of their mission in the Middle East!! Hurrah!!!

Except well, according to Bush, Fox News, and INGSOC, despite the fact that the report says Iran has halted their nuclear program, Iran is now a bigger threat than ever.

Huh?

"Iran was dangerous, Iran is dangerous and Iran will be dangerous if they have the knowledge necessary to make a nuclear weapon," Bush said.

National Securirty Adviser Stephen Hadley was quoted as saying, "If we want to avoid a situation where we either have to accept Iran ... with a path to a nuclear weapon, or the possibility of having to use force to stop it, with all the connotations of World War III -- then we need to step up the diplomacy, step up the pressure, to get Iran to stop their so-called civilian uranium enrichment program. That's our policy going forward -- no change."

Bush has pushed for MORE sanctions against Iran.

So let me get this straight. A report that says Iran cancelled their nuclear program is actually an indication that they will soon make nuclear bombs and start a World War III?

2 plus 2 equals what now?

What's Up Iran?



Apparently afraid that Britney leaving rehab will steal away the world's attention, Iran captured 15 British sailors.

Very strange. Iran claims the Brits were in Iranian waters. The Brits say they were on the Iraq side of the line. Tensions are high. War seems imminent...

Wait a minute... where have I seen this before?


Bond, James Bond

Yes, that's right. This is totally out of a Bond film...

The encoder is used by media mogul Elliot Carver, as a tool to start a war between the People's Republic of China and the United Kingdom; this is to gain an exclusive marketing device to launch his new worldwide television network. He uses the encoder to send a British frigate, HMS Devonshire, off-course in the South China Sea, where Carver's own stealth ship is located. Carver's henchman, Mr. Stamper, sinks the frigate and shoots down a Chinese fighter plane sent out to investigate. The British thought they had been attacked by the Chinese, and Admiral Roebuck gives M 48 hours to investigate before they retaliate...

But who in real life could dream up such a fiendish plan to upset the Middle East just to generate a news story? What evil media genius is so desperate for ratings, that they would actually carry out such a diabolical scheme???? Only one. Yes. That's right...



Katie Couric.

Yes, yes, I know. I had trouble believing it myself at first. "I loved her on the Today show," you say. "She's so warm and friendly! She wouldn't hurt a fly, unless that fly was hurting another fly, and even in that case, she would capture the fly in a glass and release it a block or two away."

But as my super intelligent investigation revealed, if you're looking for evidence, look no further than Katie's accomplice, Executive Producer of The CBS Evening News With Katie Couric, Rick Kaplan:



Who happens to look suspiciously like...



...Elliot Carver!!!!!!!

Bombshell!!!!

Just read Rick's bio:

Most recently, Kaplan was president of MSNBC (2004-06), during which time the ratings for virtually every hour of the program day experienced double-digit growth. He developed new programs and worked to improve existing ones, including "Hardball with Chris Matthews" and "Countdown with Keith Olbermann," which recorded its highest-ever ratings during that time. Kaplan also produced major news events, including Election Night 2004.

That's right! He "produced major news events"! Including the 2004 election!!! I knew Bush didn't really win!

His bio also says he had a hand in "producing" the Persian Gulf War, the opening of the Berlin Wall, the 1989 San Francisco earthquake and the Los Angeles riots. Now that's a busy evil genius. Elliot Carver eat your heart out!!!

Clearly, we need to find Katie's stealth boat and blow it up before things escalate.

I am aware I'm putting myself at risk here even talking about this. In the tragic event of my death, it's up to you, loyal readers (all three of you) to follow this investigation through all the way to the end. Do not stop until the whole truth behind the conspiracy is revealed!

I sincerely hope that the 15 British sailors are released unharmed. One thing's for sure. We could definitely use James Bond.


[note, the original of this post was erased mysteriously. Katie?]