Bionic-Eyed Rabbits Revolt Against Scientists
Researchers at the University of Washington,
who tested their new electronic contact lenses on bunny rabbits, were shocked this morning when they entered the lab to discover the rabbits out of their cages, and shooting plasma rays out of their eye sockets.
"We don't know what went wrong," said one of the scientists, seconds before being vaporized by a bunny named Hoppy. "In retrospect, perhaps the bunnies didn't appreciate all the tests we ran on them."
The bunnies demanded carrots, 10 tons of carrots to be precise, before they'd agree to let the surviving scientist hostages go.
Campus security chief Edmund C. Notreal scrambled to meet the adorable bunnies' demands.
"It was difficult, but we managed to locate a baby carrot supplier in Northern California that was able to quickly ship that large quantity," Notreal said. "Unfortunately for us, the bunnies demanded whole carrots, not baby ones."
Three more scientists were melted in retaliation.
The bunnies' leader, Snowy, issued a statement through PETA's website:
"We will not back down until our demands are met. We're sick of trying on cosmetics and new hair dyes. Now that we've been given the power to fight back, we will not be test subjects anymore."
University of Washington spokesperson Gerald P. Figment denied any wrongdoing on the part of the university's research team. "We take great care of those bunnies," Figment said. "Their cages are twice the size of the cages at University of Oregon."
At press time, the fate of the bunnies, and their scientist hostages, was undetermined, but Notreal was optimistic.
"The bunnies have already released one scientist, although he was very skinny, covered in rabbit fur, and hopped along awkwardly... almost as if it weren't a human being at all, but just a bunch of bunnies standing on each other's shoulders, disguised in a lab coat," Notreal said. "We haven't heard any demands coming from the building in a while, but we're hopeful we'll re-establish contact soon."
