When Torture Is Not Torture, or, Waterboarding Ain't Boogie Boarding

From the AP:

WASHINGTON - The White House on Wednesday defended the use of the interrogation technique known as waterboarding, saying it is legal — not torture as critics argue — and has saved American lives.

President Bush could authorize waterboarding for future terrorism suspects if certain criteria are met, a spokesman said...

Waterboarding involves strapping a suspect down and pouring water over his cloth-covered face to create the sensation of drowning. It has been traced back hundreds of years, to the Spanish Inquisition, and is condemned by nations around the world.

[CIA Director] Hayden banned the technique in 2006 for Central Intelligence Agenc interrogations, the Defense Department has banned its employees from using it, and FBI Director Robert Mueller said his investigators do not use coercive tactics in interviewing terror suspects.

To reiterate things I've written before in this blog: Torture doesn't work. Torture is not a valid form of intelligence gathering.

If waterboarding isn't torture in Bush's book, then what else doesn't he consider torture?

The Rack



Bush's Defense: "Oh come on, don't doctors reccommend stretching before and after exercise? This is like yoga!"

The Nail Pull



Bush's Defense: "You kidding me? It's just a manicure! Laura tells me they pay good money for this at all the best salons."

Chinese Water Torture



Bush's Defense: "We call it, 'Bobbing for Freedom.' If they find a green apple, then we'll give them a full pardon. Except there aren't any apples. Only water. Makes it harder for the terrorists to get a pardon. You don't want to pardon terrorists, do you??"

Shock Torture



Bush's Defense: "You know when you pet a cat sometimes and you feel a little shock on your fingers? This is no worse than that. Just a couple hundred thousand volts. It's like a hot tub really."

Celine Dion Torture



Bush's Defense: "Ok, you got me. I'll order our intelligence services to end this type of interrigation technique immediately."

Burma Is Burning


Noble Prize Winner and Legitimate Burmese Prime Minister, Aung San Suu Kyi

Like most places the British formerly conquered, colonized, and eventually retreated from, the country of Burma is extraordinarily fucked up. In 1948, the British empire granted Burma independence. At the time, it was one of the wealthiest countries in the East, rich in natural resources. In 1962, amid economic and political turmoil, the Burmese military, led by Ne Win, seized control of the country in a coup d'état. Rangoon University students staging a peaceful protest against the government were shot down. Such began the military junta government's policy of killing unarmed protesters. That was just one of Ne Win's great accomplishments. Another was changing the denominations of Burmese bills to multiples of 9. He did this, allegedly, because his personal fortune teller told him it would make him live to be 90 (he lived to be 92).

Ne Win's decision destroyed what was left of the Burmese economy. Left with worthless currency, the Burmese people increasingly began to demand democracy. Protests, led by college students and supported by the country's influential monks, spread throughout the country. In 1988, facing a country rife with poverty and simmering in discontent, Ne Win "retired." But just as the Burmese people began to hope for democracy, a new military junta was installed (widely believed to be influenced by Ne Win), under the leadership of General Saw Maung. He crushed the pro-democracy demonstrators, killing more than 3,000 people in what came to be known as the Four Eights Uprising.

Saw Maung continued to lead Burma into isolation from the rest of the world, and continued Ne Win's policy of ruling with an iron fist and itchy trigger finger. He created the State Law and Order Restoration Council (now called the State Peace and Development Council), an Orwellian body dedicated to torturing, killing or imprisoning anyone deemed to be against the dictatorship. He also changed the name of Burma to Myanmar, a change not recognized by the United States and U.K.

In 1990, bowing to international pressure, Myanmar held free elections for the first time in 30 years. The National League For Democracy won nearly 59% of the vote. The military-supported National Unity Party won 21 percent. Refusing to relinquish power, the military junta declared the election invalid, and placed the democracy party's leader (and elected prime minister) Aung San Suu Kyi, under house arrest. Aung San was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1990 recognizing her struggle for Burmese civil rights, and spent all of the 1.3 million in prize money to aid the health and education of the Burmese people. She remains confined to her home, under heavy guard and without access to the outside world, to this day.

In 1992, Saw Maung resigned (citing health reasons) and Than Shwe took power. Initially thought to be more liberal, he maintained a hardline against democracy efforts. He's best known for spending three times the country's health budget on his daughter's wedding while the country is starving. Last year, the dictatorship moved its capital from Yangon (formerly Rangoon) to a field in the middle of nowhere. The field is in a region known for being difficult for foreign armies to invade. But the cost of moving all the government facilities and military infrastructure to such a remote region nearly bankrupted the country. As a result, on August 15th, 2007, the military junta doubled the price of fuel (which they control). The increase in price for this basic necessity, along with already inflated prices for other basic goods and services, led to the most recent protests. On August 19, 400 people marched against the government, and were quickly pacified. On September 5, three monks were injured when the government cracked down on a peaceful protest in the town of Pakokku. The monks of Pakokku demanded an apology by September 17, which they did not receive. The next day, tens of thousands of monks marched on Burma's major cities. One rally marched past the house of Aung San, where the picture above was taken.

What happened next was...

The last 50 seconds or so of this video is pretty terrifying. That's when the shots ring out:



They kill journalists in Burma:



BBC on Burma:



CNN reports on Burma's brand of police brutality:

Video here.

Burmese villages are disappearing under mysterious circumstances.

Where have all the monks gone?

Is Burma heading towards genocide? Rambo says so.

[UPDATE 10/11:] It's getting worse every day.

Thanks to the BBC, ol' reliable Wikipedia, Global Voices, and all, the, blogs, from, Burma for informing me about a nation, and a tragedy, we Americans don't get to learn a lot about.

My Strategy For Winning The War

by George W. Bush



Congress told me that I need to communicate with the American people about how we're going to win this war in Iraq. They told me people don't understand what we're doing there. So I'm here to tell you what we're doing, and share with you the detailed strategery that will accomplish our mission.

Step 1: Work Hard.

I know I've been working hard. And so has Dick Cheney. And Donald Rumsfeld. And all our troops over in Iraq. Spreading freedom is hard work. And we need to work hard to make it happen.

Step 2: Keep Working Hard.

This is an important addition to step one. We must keep working hard. Even if it gets hard to work hard. I'll tell you, it was tough this summer to stay focused, with all the hard work that had to be done on my ranch. But I kept working hard. That's the most important thing. We can't cut and run. If we don't keep working hard, how are the Iraqis supposed to?

Step 3: Make Fun Of People Who Say We Don't Work Hard

I haven't been to too many hospitals, visiting wounded troops. In fact, I haven't gone to any. But when someone who has gone to those hospitals, and fought in a war (I didn't do that either) starts to say we're not working hard, we have to make fun of that person so people think he's not working hard. Because we're the ones working hard. No one works harder. I don't have time to visit memorial services or listen to soldiers complaining. I'm too busy working hard.

Step 4: Take A Vacation

The thing about hard work is, it makes you tired. So those of us who work so hard need a vacation. No, not our troops... Me. I've spent more time on vacation than any other President. That's because I work harder than any of them ever did. Especially that Clinton guy. He barely took any vacation. Because he didn't work hard.

Step 5: Success

If we keep working hard, and making fun of those people that say we don't work hard, then Iraq will be a beacon of freedom in the Middle East, and the world. And Jesus himself will return to Earth and gather up us hard workers, leaving behind only the Democrats, the Log Cabin Republicans and John McCain. And then we won't need to work hard anymore. Because in heaven, coke is good for you and there are no dirty stinking lying journalists poking fun of your bad vocabularization.



So that's the plan. It's not a timetable. No war has ever been won on a timetable. The only way to win a war is through hard work. And we're working hard. We are. A lot harder than Osama. What's he done recently? Bring it on!!!