The Political Joke Contest!!


Why Is This Man Laughing?

My uncle, whom I love, is unfortunately a republican. Yes, he is still invited to family functions, and despite his political leanings, he's a good man. But every so often he emails some anti-Democrat jokes. He sent one out recently, and I decided to send him a Republican joke back. But looking on the web... I couldn't really find any good Republican jokes. I remember hearing them time and time again, but the ones I found on the web were pretty lame (This site had a few zippy ones). So I decided to attempt to create my own Republican jokes. I'm a writer, I'm somewhat funny... how hard could it be?

My first attempt:

A republican congressman walks into the airport bathroom and sits down in a stall. While he's doing his business, he looks down and notices the man in the stall next door tapping his foot. Worrying that it might be an invitation for gay sex, the republican quickly gets up and dashes out. He's immediately apprehended by the police. "I didn't proposition anyone for gay sex!" the republican insists. "We know," the cop says. "But you still murdered that hooker."

Hilarious!!!!

Well. No, not really. I tried to think of something clever for the punchline, but everything I thought of was pretty lame.

This is hard work. I moved on and tried another one...

Dick Cheney and a monkey are sitting in a tree. Suddenly, the monkey throws a coconut at Dick. "Hey, watch it!' Cheney yells. The monkey throws another coconut at him. "I'm warning you!" Dick shakes his fist at the monkey. After a moment, the monkey throws yet another coconut. "That's it!" Cheney yells. "I'm gonna kick your ass, I don't care if you are the President!"

Ha!! Now that's a little better. No?

Finally, I went for something more complex. Yes! Puns!

A republican senator moved to a farm in Iowa to gain an advantage in the upcoming Presidential primaries. He'd never farmed before, so he decided to ask his neighbor for some advice. "Well," the neighbor said, "You'll need to buy a good hoe, spread some bull shit, and plow a pasture." The republican got excited. "I know plenty of hookers, and I can bullshit with the best of them, but where can I find a pastor?"

Bingo!!! No? Not funny? Well, lets see you do better.

In fact, you, know, that's a great idea! There's so few original, good, current political jokes out there. Everyone seems to be copying and pasting the same few old ones. So, dear readers, show off your wit and wackiness by writing a brief joke of your own!!

The best joke, chosen by me, will receive a free t-shirt with their joke displayed proudly on it.

So get writin'

A few suggestions...

- Start off with a typical joke beginning, like, "A republican walks into a bar..."

- Don't get too preachy. Half the "jokes" I read on the web were actually valid, unfunny criticisms of the government. Monkeys throwing coconuts is funny. People dying in the Sudan... not so much.

- Keep it simple. The longer a joke goes on, the more I get bored. That punchline better be a hoot if I'm going to read four paragraphs.

I look forward to reading all .5 of your entries.

Young Playwrights Festival



Way back in high school, before youthful idealism and creativity gave way to malaise and cynicism, I wrote a play. It was about a vampire who worked at a convenience store and lived in a closet. It was called "I Am A Closet Vampire," and I entered it into the New Jersey Young Playwrights Competition. The judges recognized brilliance when they saw it. I was a winner.

The best part was the prize-- a staged reading of my play by professional actors. The actors chosen to perform my play told me they liked it so much that they memorized it; so it was less of a staged reading and more of a real staged play. It was incredible to see something I wrote come alive. People laughed at all the right parts. It was pretty close to how I had envisioned it. The one difference actually ended up being beneficial-- one of the actresses was missing on the day of the performance, so one actor took on two parts-- both husband and wife, both cops. This made for a wonderfully schizophrenic character that I never would have come up with on my own.

This year's Young Playwright's Festival concludes today. But I suggest you check it out next year. Go to the Playwrights Theater website for more information.