Hot Lesbian Sex



Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman Have Ecstacy-Induced Angry Sex In New Darren Aronofsky Film

I want to see Darren Aronofsky's new film because... er... I liked Pi so much.

Of course, knowing how the real world works, chances are Natalie and Mila's scene will be disappointing. Because, you know, its an R-rated film and not late night Skin-emax. But it's a pretty hot combo.

Let's take a look at the most hyped Hollywood hottie lesbian scenes:

1. Selma Blair & Sarah Michelle Gellar, Cruel Intentions

OMG! Buffy! Let's face it. Without this scene, there pretty much isn't any point to Cruel Intentions. Yeah, Ryan Phillipe made the girls swoon, but there was no way any self-respecting guy would watch this movie until he heard about "the kiss." And yeah, its hot and all (that little line of spittle that tells you this was no "stage" kiss), but it's really not worth sitting through all 97 minutes.



2. Denise Richards and Neve Campbell, Wild Things

Wild Things came out my freshman year in high school, though I wasn't able to see it until a year or so later, when it came out on cable. Before that moment, I heard again and again how the chick from Party of Five sluts it up in a threesome. When I finally saw it, I thought to myself... take off the damn shirt! Neve never does. And while Denise Richards is fine and all, it's like looking at a naked barbie doll. Except more plastic. And no one wants Matt Dillon to be a part of their hot-girl-on-girl action.



3. Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson, Vicky Christina Barcelona

Scarlett Johansson = Hot. Penelope Cruz = Hot. Sitting through a movie with no redeeming characters, an aimless plot, and an open-ended ending, when there's not even any Scar-jo - P-cruz nudity? Not hot. This is the extent of the much hyped "lesbian scene." At least the movie didn't include some lecherous old guy pursuing an underage girl... like every other Woody Allen film.



4. Bridget Moynahan and Heather Graham, Grey Matters

I have very few complaints about this scene, actually. Bridget Moynahan is beautiful even with her clothes on, and that drunken kiss goes on forever. Beggars can't be choosers.

But unless you're interested in a lesbian coming-out story that features Alan Cumming in drag and Molly Shannon not in character as Mary Catherine Gallagher, the rest of this movie will probably just leave you wondering: how in the hell could Tom Brady break up with Bridget Moynahan?? Come on! She's the mother of your child!!! I don't care if Gisele has the sexy accent. Dick.



5.Winona Ryder and Jennifer Aniston and Lisa Kudrow, Friends

Now this is what I call, Must See TV. Ah, sweeps season. Gotta love it.



Sure, there's plenty more where that came from. But keep these moments in mind when debating whether to see Aronofsky's new film. Just because there's two major hotties going at it, that doesn't guarantee it'll be worth the $11 ticket. In fact, if history shows anything, directors tend to take the rest of the film off after seeing something like this.

And Tom Brady, you suck.

Who Is Matt Cassel?

This Sunday, for the first time since 2001, the New England Patriots will have someone other than Tom Brady under center for the start of a regular season game. Instead, fans will see Matt Cassel, a guy who is not dating Gisele, not the father of Bridget Moynahan's baby, and isn't constantly confused with Matt Damon.


Ignore The Man On The Left

Who exactly is this guy?

If you're a sports fan, or have even watched the news, you've probably heard that Cassel hasn't started a game since high school. You may even know he's married to a total hottie former USC volleyball star.

Seen here, unfortunately, hobnobbing with a certain someone...


Talk About Embarrassing Pictures On The Web...

I was curious to see what I could find out about this mystery man. This is what I uncovered:

His father, Greg, was a script writer on the CBS series "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" and his mother is a set designer. Matt and his family had to live in a hotel for weeks after the Northridge earthquake of 1994 destroyed their home.

Cassel was actually better at baseball as a kid. He batted cleanup on Northridge California's national championship Little League team in 1994, which eventually lost to Venezuela in the Little League World Series. "He's got tools other guys might not possess," his little league coach said. "He doesn't let anything bother him."

Then, his sophomore year, he took over as quarterback. He followed a solid sophomore season with a jaw-dropping junior year, quarterbacking his team to a championship.

His sophomore year football coach said, "With his personality, he's one of those kids who can throw an interception, then come back and throw a touchdown. I haven't had many kids who can go one play at a time. He's a big-time player, no question."

His high school girlfriend was a major hottie too:


She's a "professional model." Sort of like Gisele!

I guess that's what you get when you're the star quarterback.

He was ranked the #53 prospect in the nation coming out of high school. Although it should be noted, no one else in the top 100 that year has become an NFL superstar, except maybe Willis McGahee at #16.

There was no doubt he'd be a big star at USC. Carson Palmer was leaving for the NFL soon.

"It's a good situation at USC. I get to learn behind Carson Palmer for a few years and then I'll get my shot. I just want to make the most of my opportunity," Cassel said, back in 2000.

His freshman year, he threw only two passes, but ran for 22 yards.

Then... well. Then the career path got derailed. Paul Hackett, who was high on Cassel, was let go. Pete Carroll came in. Cassel backed up Palmer in 2002, throwing 4 passes, completing 3 for 27 yards. But the next season, Matt Leinart, not Cassel, got the starting nod. From then on, the kid with the golden arm didn't make one start at quarterback. His only start was.. very weirdly.. at tight end.

Cassel's junior year, he threw 13 passes. Senior year, he threw 14 passes and completed 10, for 97 yards and an interception.

Leinart took the reins and never looked back, becoming a 1st round draft pick of the Arizona Cardinals. Cassel was chosen in the 7th round by the Patriots, who were roundly criticized for being out of their minds. One respected sports magazine called their draft choices "bizarre."

This guy was high on Cassel before it became popular. He goes as far as comparing him to Matt Hasselbeck, though the comparisons he offers are far from compelling.

All in all, what we have here is the story of a gifted athlete who was all set for big things-- but then missed out on his big break.

I hope it doesn't happen against the New York Jets.

One more picture of Bridget for good measure:


Let's Hope Her Baby Doesn't Inherit Brady's Weak Knees

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P.S. Curt Schilling's wrong. New Yorkers don't take glee in Brady's injury. We take glee in Curt Schilling's injury. Cause he's an obnoxious jerk.

Broken Brady? Don't Believe It, Giants



The news today, on its surface, should make New York Giants fans cheer: New Endland Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was seen wearing a cast on his leg. But Big Blue Boosters shouldn't get too excited... I have a feeling this is all an elaborate ploy by coaching mastermind Bill Belichik.

Suddenly finding his team about to face a red-hot, determined Giants squad, Bill needed to find a way to lull the Giants into a false sense of security. By making Brady look injured, he's hoping the Giants won't prepare as hard to face him.

What evidence to I have for this?

Curt Schilling's "Bloody Sock."



A sports journalist reported that Red Sox cather Doug Mirabelli told him that Schilling's bloody sock was faked. Of course, Mirabelli denied it, and the sports journalist recanted. But I still don't trust those Bostoners. If Schilling can fake a bloody ankle to lull the Yankees to sleep, then is it so far-fetched to think Brady, another chowda-head, wouldn't do the same thing?

After all, Brady is far from a stand-up guy. As we all recall, he left:



for



Need more evidence? He was spotted LAST NIGHT without the walking cast. Shenanigans!!



So my advice to the Giants? Practice as if Brady is perfectly fine. Actually, practice as if he just got a robot super arm installed. And 4-wheel-drive. And laser beams for eyes. Because if it's two things we know, its that we can't trust Bill Belicheat's injury report and we can't trust New England sports stars.

Let's Go Blue!!

No New Brady Babe

Well, it's official, there won't be another Brady baby. At least for now. Poor Tom will just have to make due with one. But at least I got to write this article about the whole ordeal.

Brady Going For A Two-Peat?



Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is at it again. A Brazilian newspaper reports that he's knocked up his second breathtakingly beautiful celebrity in 3 weeks. This time, it's supermodel Gisele.


Gisele, A Maternity Model??

I took an old article and updated it to match this startling new development.

Brady living the perfect dream

By Tim Polzer
with additional reporting by Adam Hunter

(Mar. 9, 2007) -- Minutes before Super Bowl XXXVI, most Patriots players were attempting to get a handle on what was about to be the biggest game of their lives. While veterans considered how long they had waited to get to the ultimate game and younger players attempted to block out any thoughts of how they might screw up the rare opportunity, Tom Brady took a unique approach. The first-year starting quarterback who began the season toting a clipboard behind an established veteran, studied the locker room, found a seemingly comfortable place, banged a supermodel, and took a nap.

Five years, three Super Bowl rings and a pair of Super Bowl Most Valuable Player performances later, nobody needs to wake Brady up. He's living a dream and seemingly doing it in his sleep.

"It really has been an incredible year," Brady said. "A lot of players don't ever get a chance to make it with one incredibly hot model/actress, so I know how fortunate I am to be a guy that has done it over and over and over."

Brady has not only made it with his second model in one year, he's put himself into position to go 2-0 in the pregnancy game. Brady's unflappable head coach, Bill Belichick, appreciates his quarterback's clutch performances in his own understated way.

"I don't think the magnitude of the girl or the crowd noise or the situation bothers him," Belichick said. "He's able to focus on what he has to do and usually does a pretty good job with it." Pretty good job, huh?

Brady's pretty good job résumé is flawless. He remains undefeated in eight attempts to do impossibly beautiful women. His calm approach to high-pressured situations has produced two babies with model/actress Bridget Moynihan and supermodel Gisele. His heroics in doing those unforgettable hotties has even made some forget his first playoff feat: directing the game-tying and game-winning drives in the snow against the Raiders in their 2002 divisional playoff classic.

Whether rain or snow or constant comparison to Joe Montana on the world's biggest sports stage, Brady doesn't flinch or fluster. From that moment in 2001 when he entered the huddle as a mid-game replacement for then-Patriot Drew Bledsoe, Brady has been having more unprotected sex with models than any man in New England.

"Tom brings a whole aspect to his game where he's calm, cool and collected. He's not a guy that's going to be all nervous and start screaming and stuff," guard Joe Andruzzi said. "Take for instance the last two models. The last two minutes of sex he'd say 'alright guys, it's up to us, let's go do this thing.' He calms the girls down when they're in a tough position but they know what has to be done. He relaxes the bedroom."

Brady's ability to absorb the demeanor and spoils usually relegated to more veteran lovers, boils down to his work outside the bedroom. Brady does his homework and pays his dues.

Tom Brady continues to point his member in the right direction.
"Nobody works any harder or does any more to prepare for a girl than Tom. He's been consistently one of the hardest workers in the bedroom and has been recognized as such," Belichick said. "His preparation, week-in and week-out, is exceptional. He studies the game plan very hard. He studies his women well and has a good command of not only what he's doing, but what the girl is doing and things to expect."

As the hype for Brady Babies I & II builds to a crescendo, many pundits are attempting to compare him to the game's most celebrated quarterbacks. If you were an model, would you rather have Daunte Culpepper, Donovan McNabb or Tom Brady? While the first two names have established themselves as constants atop the NFL's statistical charts, its Brady's "bottom-line" success that keeps him out of their shadows. He doesn't single-handedly take over a model as much as he controls her with execution and poise. It's something his teammates now take for granted.

"[It's] his decision making. He makes great decisions," receiver Troy Brown said. "That's what it really comes down to. Not making the bad calls and doing some ugly chicks, and just making good decisions with his football."

Belichick was a little more effusive. "I think Tom is a good lover, period. He has been blitzed, he has been three-woman rushed, they've played man and they've played zone. He understands what he's trying to do and how to handle different situations. He is a quick decision maker and doesn't hold onto one girl too long. He can figure it out, find the model and try to give it to her."

To get that third Brady Baby in four weeks, Brady will have to make nothing but good decisions with New York's Scarlett Johansson, known for confusing lovers like Josh Hartnett and Justin Timberlake.


Will Brady Step Up?

Brady finds himself surrounded by the attention caused by the Brady Baby news this week, but his habits haven't changed.

"It's like any other week," Brady said. "You watch every model/actress, you see their every line of defense. You evaluate them and develop the game plan you think is best. When the ball is kicked off, it's business as usual. You go out there and perform like you do every other game."

Brady's ability to perform with Scarlett like every other model/actress could mean another Brady Baby and another Most Valuable Player of the Year award, which would raise his accomplishments closer to those of Wilt Chamberlain-- another athlete who's superior physical skills dropped babies in every girl in town. But unlike Brady, those girls weren't always models or actresses. Another Brady Baby would spawn another round of conjecture on how Brady will be remembered.

"Being able to do hot models and stay cool under pressure. He's been able to make big plays in key situations. He works hard in the weight room, works hard in the film room, and he really shows guys how it's supposed to be done," Brown said. "There will be a lot of guys that are going to follow in his footsteps if they can have the kind of success that he has, if they can put the time that he has into it."

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[UPDATE] Gisele's family denies the pregnancy, but no word from Gisele yet.