2014 Jewish Fantasy Baseball Team

"Jewish" is a funny word. Can you imagine a Catholic calling themselves Catholic-ish? Or A Muslim calling themselves Muslim-ish? Officially, the "ish" suffix, in English, means "belonging to," or "having the characteristics of," but when most of us use it, we use it to mean "close, but not quite." As in, that 5'9" guy we really want to set up with our 5'11" friend isn't short, he's "tall-ish."

This is a long-winded way of saying that, when I call this year's Jewish Fantasy Baseball Team, "Jewish," the "ish" means it's all relative. The sad fact remains, there are still a lot of holes to fill on the roster after you've accounted for the players with any relation to the Jewish faith. Hence, my catcher, Evangelical Christian A.J. Pierzynski. The last name is vaguely Jewish-sounding. A.J. does not stand for Adam Judah, unfortunately.

Here's this year's squad, the Hammering Hebrews of Yahoo Winners' League 101786:

1B- Ike Davis.	"'It’s funny about Judaism,' Davis said. 'It doesn’t matter if you’re ultra-religious or not, as long as you know that it’s in you or you’re a part of it, everyone accepts you.' Following a Jewish custom, Davis’ given name is Isaac Benjamin — the first names of Millie Davis’ two grandfathers." Davis had a rough year last year--.205 AVG and 9 HR, but he secured the Mets 1B job in camp. I predict 20 HRs this season. -------------------------------------------------------
2B - Jason Kipnis	"Kipnis is a practicing Roman Catholic, though he self-identifies as Jewish due to his father's Jewish ancestry." One of the best second basemen in the game, I predict 20 HRs and 30 steals.  --------------------------------------------------------
3B- Ryan Zimmerman	Being that my blog comes up a couple times on the top of Google searches for, "Is Ryan Zimmerman Jewish?", the answer is obviously, no. But apparently, Zimmerman means "carpenter" in German, and Jesus was a carpenter, and we all know Jesus was a Jew. So there you go. 23 HRs or so in the heart of the Washington Nationals' order should do this team nicely.  --------------------------------------------------------
SS- Derek Jeter	Find a Jewish Yankees fan and ask him who his favorite player is. If it's not Derek Jeter, I'll eat my hat (I wear a Nestle Crunch bar as a hat). Derek is 40, and coming off a major injury, but he'll bat second in the Yankees lineup, and if he stays healthy, I predict 15 HRs and 15 steals, with a .290 AVG.
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OF- Ryan Braun	Wondering why there was no 2013 Jewish Fantasy Baseball Team? Well, Braun's suspension, combined with injuries to Ian Kinsler and Kevin Youkilis... it just sort of brought me down. But Braun is back, and if he's learned anything from his Jewish faith, he repented for his sins last Yom Kippur and will use this season to make the world a better place. 35 HRs and 25 steals would be a good start. Tikkum Olam, Ryan.  --------------------------------------------------------
OF- Nate Schierholtz	Internet commenter pantherpro once said, "Nate is Jewish!" on this HardballTalk post. He then insinuated that Nate is bad at baseball. In addition, Twitterer @TacoTansel, sad that Nate left his favorite team, the San Francisco Giants says, "Ima miss Nate Schierholtz. He's my favorite Jewish player of all time." More authoritative sources haven't weighed in on Nate's faith. But nevertheless, Nate is not bad at baseball. A season of 15 HRs and 10 steals isn't outside the realm of possibility. --------------------------------------------------------
OF- Torii Hunter	Torii is most definitely not a Jew. And his behavior has sometimes been questionable. But I share his last name. And I'm Jewish. This team needs some category juice. 17 HRs, 10 steals... on Detroit he'll gobble up runs and RBIs.
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UTIL- Adam Lind	Jewish-sounding name. I'm not the only one who has lumped him in with the Hebrews. I'm high on his abilities. 25 HR, 90 RBI seems possible, even if he may sit against tough southpaws.  -------------------------------------------------------
UTIL- Ian Kinsler	"...Every year for Passover we’d have a seder, which I always looked forward to. I’m not a devoutly spiritual person, but I’m very into the cultural identity that comes with being Jewish. If there are Jewish kids out there who look up to me or see me as a role model of what’s possible, I embrace that proudly." We're proud of you too, Ian. Part of a heavy-hitting Detroit lineup (coached by former Jewish major-leaguer Brad Ausmus) and fully back from injury, Kinsler has a real shot at 20 HRs and 20 steals. ----------------------------------------------------
SP	Jordan Zimmermann is on here for the same reasons Ryan Zimmer-one "n" is. A high K-rate, facing National League lineups should make him a solid pitcher all year. Clay Buchholz is not Jewish but the last name is... in the ballpark. Once again, his high K-rate should keep my numbers in that category up. Scott Feldman, the only real Jewish starter in the majors, already won his first game of the season, giving up only 2 hits to the Yankees. Tyson Ross is not Jewish, but the last name is. Pitching in Petco should give him solid ratios. And how could I have a Jewish team without one of the most famous names in Genesis? When top prospect Noah Syndergaard gets called up to stop the Mets season from drowning, I'll be there to sneak aboard his ark (yes, this is cheesy writing).  -----------------------------------------
RP	Trevor Rosenthal, despite the spot-on name, isn't Jewish, although he says, "My dad is an attorney, and he gets invited to bar mitzvahs all the time." He's a lights-out closer who should dominate in Ks and saves all year. Joe Nathan, another JINO, also should hold down the closer job without issues. J.J. Putz, doesn't wear the Star of David, nor does he have a closing gig, but his Yiddish last name gives me hope he'll provide solid Ks in the 8th inning and be next in line should Addison Reed falter. Craig Breslow, currently on the DL, is a Jew, and if he comes back and contributes the way he did in Boston last year, he'll be a vital member of the squad. While he works his way back from injury, I added Matt Lindstrom, not Jewish, but if I hope to compete, I need saves, and his last name is close enough.  ------------------------------------------------
Bench	Rounding out the roster is real Jew, Josh Satin, Davis's backup on the Mets. I refuse believe that Houston outfielder Robbie Grossman isn't Jewish... he has to be in denial. I expect 10 HRs and 20 steals from him. Adam Dunn is on my team for his perennial 30+ HRs, he does share names with the first man in Genesis.
	I haven't addressed Tim Lincecum. Really no way to justify him. I landed him in the automated draft, and he's too useful a piece to straight-up drop. What I'd like to do is trade him and Torii Hunter for a more "Jewish" player... but so far, no trade partners are biting. I'm hoping Timmy starts the season strong and becomes a valuable asset that someone will give up a Madison Bumgarner, Max Scherzer, Steven Strasburg or Paul Goldschmidt. But that's unlikely to happen.
	Also, I currently don't have Sam Fuld or Danny Valencia on the roster. As rarely-used backups, they don't have a lot to contribute right now. But if they become starters, I'd add them. Same goes for if Ryan Lavarnway gets called up and plays for Boston.
	Can my team win it all? Probably not. But can we win a good number of games this season, embarrassing teams that chose more traditional strategies? I believe so.

Um... Chanukah?

There's a potato latke festival going on tonight in Chelsea in honor of Chanukah, and some of the city's best restaurants will be participating. In order to attend, you'll have to lay out some serious gelt: the cheapest tickets are $55.

That said, hold onto your dreidels, because something is amiss...

That ain't kosher.

 Braised Pork!?!? Shrimp!?!?! This is worse than the Chanukah ham:

No, not delicious for Chanukah

Seriously, the Fifth Annual Latke Festival??? You should have gotten your act together by now. We're really going goy for a festival celebrating Jewish tradition? At least go kosher-style.

This is what happens when the Ukranians and the Mexicans attempt to create Jewish food. (although Toloache and Yerba Buena chef Julian Medina gets it right)

Somewhere, an old Jewish man is rolling in his grave, and complaining.

A Two State Solution Is The Only Solution For Israel

Stephen Walt of Foreign Policy magazine lays out the case simply. The only way Israel can continue to exist is the two-state solution: Israel right beside a Palestinian state. Anything less, and Israel risks becoming a country much like South Africa, willfully subjugating a group of people in order to maintain power.

There is concern that Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel, does not want a two-state solution. After all, he's one of Israel's most prominent right-wing hawks. But Walt's article points out that an Israel divided into Israelis and Arabs cannot stand. The only way Israel can remain a Jewish nation is if the majority of its people remain Jewish. And the only way to do that, outside of Nazi-like relocation or genocide, is to cut off the parts of Israel which aren't Jewish, and let those parts form a Palestinian state. Two states, side by side, or no Israel at all.

So if a two-state solution is inevitable, assuming the leaders in Israel want to maintain the Jewish state, then all efforts must be made now to make it happen. For years this has been cast as the Palestinian fight-- they're the ones "fighting for freedom." But perhaps it is Israel, and Jews everywhere, that should be fighting for a Palestian state.

It's a radical idea-- that Jews should help the Palestinians. But perhaps its the only idea that makes sense. The Arab countries have paid lip service to the Palestinian cause. With all their money from oil, they'd rather build show cities like Dubai than build roads in Palestine. Jews have been generous to Israel, but perhaps their aid is misplaced. As my guide on my Israel trip said: "Israel doesn't need money. It needs Jews." And while I'm sure he didn't mean "give your money to the Palestinians," maybe that's where aid should focus-- to hasten the day when handing the keys of the West Bank and Gaza Strip to Palestine won't be an unmitigated disaster.

After all, a healthy, stable Palestinian state is in Israel's best interests. And if that state owes a debt of gratitude to Israeli and Jewish outreach, it's less inclined to act violently against the remaining land of Israel.

We can be cynics, and say that the Palestinians will use their own country as a staging ground to "finish the job" and destroy Israel forever(if you've ever been to Israel, you know how tenuous a strip of land the remaining Jewish state would encompass). Certainly the Gazans have shown what happens when Israel leaves and the crazier parts of the Palestinian cause take over. But its clear that Israel can't continue to be an occupying force, no matter how benevolent it tries to be. At some point, a Palestinian state has to be created... and it might as well be created on firm ground, on favorable terms, by an act of Israeli generosity.

Perhaps instead of putting the nation's energies towards expanding already thin Jewish settlements into hostile territories, Israel should implore the world to contribute to building a stable nation of Palestine. Ask the Arab countries first. Lets see if they put their money where their mouth is. Once the proper infrastructure is built, then Israel can begin the troublesome, more difficult task of making a peaceful transition of power.

Unrealistic? One needs only to look at the Balkans, once torn by hatred between ethic groups, which now has achieved a measure of stability. Separate ethnically-based nations can be carved out of one mixed bag, but it can't be a haphazard job. Palestine isn't nearly developed enough to stand on its own yet. The economic state of the Palestinians must be improved before they can be trusted to make decisions based on the common good, and not age old grudges. And it will take commitment from the people who have the most to lose--the Jews-- to make it happen.