Jailbreak Your iPhone. Seriously. Now.

I "jailbroke" my iPhone a few weeks ago. And I'll never go back to jail.

You can read the rest of this article first if you want, but you should really just backup your iPhone to your computer right now, then visit http://www.jailbreakme.com on your iPhone, and jailbreak yourself immediately.

But to those who need to know a little more, read on:

What is "jailbreaking?" Is it as illegal and dangerous as it sounds?

"Jailbreaking" is the act of running a computer program on your iPhone that allows you to install software not purchased at Apple's iTunes App Store. That's it. Nothing nefarious and dangerous. It's no more illegal than putting Microsoft Word on your Macbook computer.

Jailbreakme.com was created in part by a guy named Jay Freeman, who goes by the handle Saurik, and titles his homepage "The Realm of the Avatar." In other words, he's a computer geek, and not some Bond villain. He created Cydia, which is the official app store for Jailbreakers. It's not a place full of viruses and eletric fighting monkeys. It's the Century 21 to Apple's Bloomingdales.

Will this f*ck up my $199-$299 dollar phone?

This was my biggest fear. I'd heard things. Like, "Jailbreaking can turn your iPhone into an iPaperweight." And Apple warns you-- "Jailbreaking voids your warranty." But like that lady in the Pledge commercials found out (No waxy buildup!), I too discovered my fears were unfounded.

Let's say, for the sake of argument, the jailbreak does give you problems. All you have to do is plug your phone into your computer, hit the restore button, and your phone returns to its original state, with all the data from the last time you backed up to your computer. So there's no risk. If you try it, and it doesn't work for you, no biggie. You can restore your phone to its "still in jail" state and Apple will have no way of knowing whether you violated your warranty or not.

Why do I have to do this?
Because your phone is boring. Yeah, it was cool to have an iPhone when it first came out, but now it seems like everybody has one. And the only way you can tell them apart? "Oh... that's a nice case" or "Is that a new ringtone?"

This is what my Lock screen looks like:



I have my appointments, my email, weather and text messages all right there on the Lock Screen. And if I double-tap the clock, I get the top news headlines and sports scores too. It's a lot easier than unlocking the phone, then pressing the icon for each individual app and waiting for each one to load as I search for information. I did this with an app called Intelliscreen. Only available for a jailbroken iPhone.

Now look at what you can do to the rest of your phone:



"Look how pretty that text is! Is that Notes App... white instead of yellow? Where's the 3G symbol... why is it... is that the Ohio State logo? And what cell service do you have... Adam... wait, that's your name! And...wait a second... THERE'S FIVE ICONS IN THE DOCK! FIVE!?!?!"

Oh, and you can't tell from a still photo, but that's an animated wallpaper.

There's more.

When a song changes while I'm playing a game or surfing the web, I no longer have to wonder which song is on now. All I have to do is glance at the top of the screen:



And forget about those cheesy "flashlight" apps available at the Apple store. I just double-click the home button and the LED flash of the iPhone camera illuminates.

And honestly, this is the more boring stuff you can do. You can download theme sets that change the look of your app icons... making them 3d, turning them into baseball caps, or making each one a different Playboy Playmate.

You can even change the look of the dial screen and the text message application. Now I represent the Yankees every time I text:



My point is, there are endless options. None of these things are complicated to do. You install an app called Winterboard, which is very easy to use, and you can download different looks from Cydia or RockApp, another non-Apple app store.

So, you can either get really jazzed about the lame wallpapers Apple's store sells, or you can jailbreak your phone and make it even more interesting and fun. It's not a tough choice.

Other things you may want: Unlimited folder capacity and customizable folders, changing the colors of pop-ups and selections, the ability to keep programs loading in the background while working in another app.

And of course, there's the three big not-so-kosher things jailbreaking allows you to do: download free ringtones of popular songs, use your phone as a mobile Wi-Fi hotspot for your computer, and use Facetime over 3G. Just make sure you have an unlimited data plan for the last two.

Ok, I'm sold. Any warnings?

Just a few. One, and most importantly, do not update your iPhone software to the latest version, 4.0.2. There are no new features in this update... it's only designed to block jailbreaks from happening.

Secondly, not all programs and themes are designed for the iPhone 4 and the 4.0 software. If you wait for the descriptions to load (it can take a second or two in the Cydia app) you should be able to find out whether it's designed for your phone or not.

Thirdly, there's a lot of great programs in Cydia and RockApp, but there's a lot with bugs too. One app I tried, which puts actual live weather updates on top of the stock Apple Weather icon, sent my phone into "Safe Mode," which gave me a panic attack. Fortunately, its an easy fix. You go into Cydia or RockApp and simply go to the "Manage" section to delete the offending program (another Cydia App, CyDelete, makes this even easier).

Ok, but...

No, no buts. Do it now. Thank me later.

Apple's iPhone 4 Antenna Issue Actually A Good Thing



I don't get all the hubbub about this iPhone 4 antenna issue, which everyone seems to be panicking about (except, you know, actual iPhone 4 users). In fact, if pressing the little black line on the lower edge of the phone really does kill reception and drop calls, it's actually quite a genius feature.

For years, mankind has struggled to end phone calls with ridiculously long talkers. Remember that episode of Seinfeld when Elaine uses a hairdryer to pretend she's in the car, so she has an excuse to stop talking with her friend's long-winded boyfriend?

Well we no longer have to resort to such ruses. With the iPhone 4, simply give your phone the "death grip" whenever a call is lasting a little too long.

"Oh, sorry, I would have loved to listen to all the names you've thought of for your cat... but this damn iPhone!"

"Oh, I didn't hang up on you, Mom. I heard most of your lecture about how I need to get a real job. It was just this phone thing..."

"Don't be silly, of course I wasn't bored by your ruminations on whether you should have chicken salad or tuna for lunch. It's all Steve Jobs' fault."

So rejoice, iPhone 4 owners. You now have a magic button that can act as a get-out-of-call free card any time you need it. Apple should really be selling this as a feature.

Just don't use it on me.

Stuff I Wish Existed Instead Of The Ipad

Ok, so the iPad was somewhat of a disappointment. I wish Apple had offered up something other than a giant iPhone that fixes few of the shortcomings of the original, more portable version. In fact, I came up with a few devices I wish Apple, or someone else, would come up with:

The "Hula":



A portable device that is Hulu-capable. There were rumors of an iPhone Hulu app almost a year ago, but nothing has surfaced. Hulu allows users to stream hundreds of TV shows, both old and new, for the low low price of... free. It would be awesome to watch TV shows anywhere. There could even be an option to download the show (for a fee) to watch later (like on a plane or somewhere without wi-fi or cellular service. Furthermore, the device could stream shows from other websites, like ABC.com (Lost), comedycentral.com (South Park) and others. You can already watch these on your computer for free... why not your phone, or some other portable device?

The "Satchel":



A satellite-capable cell phone, able to access both Direct TV and Sirius/XM radio from anywhere. Here's what makes this great. There's a limit to how much data can be sent over 3G, or even tomorrow's 4G cellular networks. So even if Apple gives us a device that streams video other than YouTube and all that, load times could still be slow when a million people are trying to view content at once. Satellite, however, doesn't have this problem. The satellites send a signal, all you need is a device that unscrambles that signal. Sirius already makes a portable player. Could these two satellite titans join forces and create the ultimate media device?

The "Gamepod":


I Got Tired Of Using MS Paint, SO I Took This From The Internet

Your PSP can play movies, surf the internet, and play videogames. The Nintendo DS has dual touchscreens. Your iPhone and Blackberry meanwhile, claim they can play games, but its still not the ultimate gaming experience. Why not create a device with the ergonomics of a portable game system with the functionality of a smartphone?

Yeah yeah, I know:

NGage

But that thing is Ugly. If we had given up on an Apple phone after the Motorola Rokr disaster, where would we be today?

A Nintendo or PSP Phone? Are you really gonna tell me that's a bad idea?

Any company interested in following up on these ideas, please contact me. I have no technical expertise, but I'll gladly take a 1 million dollar idea fee.

(plus a lot on the back end)

Seinfeld Is Back!!!



(Sorta)

According to the New York Post, the cast of Seinfeld will reunite on the HBO show "Curb Your Enthusiasm," which stars the Seinfeld creator, Larry David. The plot of this season of Curb will revolve around Larry's attempt to make a new Seinfeld episode.

The new "episode" may actually air in its entirety, as the season finale of Curb.

This makes me very, very happy. TV hasn't been the same since the four went to jail for refusing to help somebody. Of course, I'll never accept that episode as the actual finale. I prefer to think of this Saturday Night Live sketch as the actual Seinfeld ending:

Seinfeld in Oz

Nation in Debt? Time For A Little Bit Of Luck



The national debt is approaching 11 trillion dollars, and with all the money Congress is giving out during this economic crisis to just about any rich guy who asks for it, that figure is bound to skyrocket. With our government’s finances in worse shape than Jessica Simpson, how can we find the money to improve our nation’s crumbling infrastructure and fund the programs that are vital to a healthy, non-George-Bushy America? One solution is surprisingly simple.

It’s time to get lucky.

To be more specific, it’s time the United States joins the UK, Mexico, South Africa and a slew of other countries in creating a National Lottery.

Currently, forty-two states bring in millions upon millions each year by taking advantage of one of humanity’s oldest vices, gambling. That money is typically earmarked for education and other important state initiatives. A National Lottery could be used to shore up an ailing social security program, fix our country’s crumbling electrical lines, roads and water mains, or bribe Sarah Palin to simply disappear.

The United States first experimented with a National Lottery back in 1776, when the Continental Congress approved the sale of one million $10 to $40 tickets in order to raise money for the American Revolution. Unfortunately, at that time, the only people who could afford tickets at those prices were the wealthy… who were more likely to be Tories, British supporters. Not surprisingly, the lottery idea was scrapped.

The main problem these days would be political in nature. First, the religious right likes gambling as much as they like a cross made out of cocks. Second, states with existing lotteries may feel threatened. And third, in order to establish a National Lottery, funds must be established to create a federal bureau that would administer the game. None of these challenges is insurmountable, however.

Presumably, promises that the lotto funds would go partially to charitable institutions could placate large portions of the religious right (for instance, the UK lotto has provided 20 billion pounds to “good causes” since 1994). Prices on tickets could be set higher than those offered by state lottos, aiming at a different demographic of ticket buyers. And since we’re already providing private jets and lavish vacations for failed CEOs, what’s a few more bucks to create the Bureau of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

And there’s evidence that in these tough times, people are buying lottery tickets more than ever. According to Scientific Games, maker of scratch-off tickets, revenue is up for scratch-off and daily tickets in 25 states with lotteries

Now, I’m not good with math, but I’ll attempt to give you a rough idea of the money we’re talking here. According to a study of Texas lotto players conducted by the University of Houston's Center for Public Policy, 36% of Texans bought at least one lottery ticket last year. Extrapolate that 36% figure across the country, and that’s 109,376,871 people buying lotto tickets.

Charge those guys $10 a ticket…and, uh…

Hold on…

You got more than a trillion dollars. $1,093,768,710 to be exact. You think the U.S. can’t use that money? Couldn’t you? Maybe you’d be the lucky sucker who becomes the first government-made millionaire. Maybe the country’s debt won’t be the only one eased by this.

Hey, you never know.

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[You can read this and other fascinating random combinations of words and letters at Slow Century Magazine, a place where I will hopefully contribute to more often in the future.]

Killer Cats

The New York Times has an interesting article about wild cats decimating the bird population throughout the world, especially in island and seashore habitats. One bird lover took it upon himself to shoot the offending furballs.

"For the cats, it’s easy pickings. They’re popping birds like they were M & M’s." -cat shooter Jim Stevenson.

Here at Adam's Life, we believe cats are just like people (and dogs are just like really dumb people). As such, some are cute and cuddly, and others would make Ted Bundy afraid.

So I'm not sure shooting them is the answer. The guy who shot the cat didn't catch the cat in the act of eating a bird. How did he know that the cat he shot was one of the bad ones? Maybe that cat was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, lured to the bird's nesting grounds by some of his cat frat brothers, in some sort of cat hazing ritual. Maybe that cat just came to the bird nesting grounds because that's where all the hot female cats hung out. My point is, that poor cat was executed without due process. And that's just un-American.

So what do I propose? How do we solve the feral cat problem? Simple, my friends...

Cat jails.



Two "Cat Jail" Prototypes

In every municipality dealing with a feral cat problem, we set up special tribunals to try accused cats. Each cat will be assigned a public defender, and the prosecution will have to prove that the de-feline-dent actually committed a crime.

If convicted, the cat will receive a sentence anywhere from community service (forced to pick up trash along the highway) to life behind bars (I don't believe in the death penalty).

Now, I know what you're saying. This will cost taxpayers billions. It will make a mockery of the criminal justice system. Billions, you say? Well how much are we spending on the war?? A mockery of the criminal justice system? Um... hello, remember this?:


The System Doesn't Work

Cat jails will work as a deterrent, making feral cats think twice about attacking endangered birds. And they can pay for themselves... just charge admission to cat lovers, turning each cat jail into a sort of petting zoo.

The more I think about this, the more I'm convinced it will work. So write your congressman. Tell him you don't want another cent of your taxpayer dollars going towards the war, and you want it all directed towards cat jails. It's the only humane way to deal with this problem.