Why Mitt Romney Endangers American Lives

Four Americans are dead in Libya, including the U.S. ambassador to the country, after a rocket attack that came amidst protests against a cheesy, poorly produced, anti-Prophet-Muhammed film that was filmed in the United States and went viral in the Muslim world.

While the rest of the country mourned the dead and decried the act of violence, Mitt Romney went on the attack, accusing President Obama of apologizing to terrorists.

What actually happened is far different.

The American embassy in Cairo, feeling the heat from Muslim reaction to the film, distanced themselves from the film, stating in a tweet: "U.S. Embassy condemns religious incitement." That caught some flack for seemingly going against the right to free speech. They later wrote, "We firmly reject the actions by those who abuse the universal right of free speech to hurt the religious beliefs of others."

Now, the American embassy is doing exactly what its supposed to do. It is not the embassy's job to explain "sticks and stone may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," to a populace that for decades was thrown in jail or murdered for proclaiming unpopular beliefs. It is the embassy's job to smooth things over. Their job is to avoid violence in the interest of maintaining diplomacy. The filmmakers certainly had the "universal right" to make their film, however, free speech is not without consequences. If you're Michael Richards and do stand up, and respond to African-American hecklers with liberal use of the n-word, you'd better get ready for the backlash. And as we know, unflattering portrayals of Mohammed (who, according to the Muslim religion, isn't even allowed to be represented in a positive image), often result in protests, which lead some extreme factions to violence.

It's simple cause and effect--insult Mohammed, incite violence. No one's saying violence is the appropriate response to hate speech. We're just saying, it happens. So if you don't want people to die, you should probably resist the urge to insult the prophet.

Now, lets say someone in this country does decide to insult Mohammed. It's their right, sure. But the U.S. government shouldn't be insulting Mohammed, the same way they shouldn't insult Jesus, or Moses, or any other religious leader. The problem is, when an American citizen's insult travels around the globe (the way Pastor Terry Jone's Koran burning did, or the way our soldiers pissing on the Koran did), America's enemies use it as a weapon against America. "See!" they tell their followers. "This is America. Not the home of the free, but the home of hate. They hate Islam! They want to destroy you!" They publicly screen that crappy anti-Mohammed video, and say to those inclined to listen, "This is what America is about! This is what America represents!" They take the action of one individual or one small group and use it to represent what America is all about.

To respond to those extremists, it is necessary for a representative of the United States to stand up and say, "No, this isn't what we're about. We believe in free speech, and that means, sometimes, one of our citizens says or films something idiotic and offensive, like the hit ABC show 'Bachelor Pad.' But we as a country also believe in the freedom of religion. And we believe that it is irresponsible, and wrong, to use one's right of free speech to denigrate and shame another person's freedom of religion."

That's what the embassy said. That's what Hillary Clinton said: "Some have sought to justify this vicious behavior as a response to inflammatory material posted on the Internet. The United States deplores any intentional effort to denigrate the religious beliefs of others. Our commitment to religious tolerance goes back to the very beginning of our nation. But let me be clear: There is never any justification for violent acts of this kind."

It's a statement aimed at refuting what the extremists say-- that the actions by a very few represent the feelings of the greater whole. It condemns violence, while making it clear that perceived cause of the violence--religious intolerance--is not what America represents. In short: "What the extremists tell you is a lie."

Mitt Romney, clearly, does not believe this. Instead of standing up for the majority of Americans who don't think all Muslims are terrorists, he's standing up for the few that do. Instead of telling the world that this hateful, anti-Islam video doesn't represent the best of America, he's saying to the world that it does. Hate, according to Mitt Romney, is America's greatest export. And he's damn proud of it.

"It's disgraceful that the Obama administration's first response was not to condemn attacks on our diplomatic missions, but to sympathize with those who waged the attacks," Romney said.

Except, well, of any of the American representatives commenting on this attack, it's Romney who gives the terrorists what they want. Instead of telling the extremists, "Your justification for this violence is bogus," he's AGREED with them. He's saying America doesn't have to distance itself from the film the extremists used as an example of America's intolerance. Rather, he's arguing that America should defend and support what the film had to say! It's free speech, so Romney will stand by it to the bitter end, even if that speech was made by an Egpytian Coptic Christian with a criminal history who clearly intended for the film to cause violence.

As far as the international stage is concerned, it seems that Romney and Obama have very different ideas about how a President should behave. While Obama believes a President should show America is better than what its enemies say it is, Romney believes a President should show America is EXACTLY what its enemies say it is.

You decide which is better. You decide which action really sides with the terrorists.

If You Don't Believe In Jesus, Don't Live In Alabama

The new governor of Alabama was sworn in yesterday. As governor, it will be his responsibility to make sure everyone in his state is protected equally under the law. Except those damn Jews, Buddhists, Muslims,and Atheists.

"[I am] governor of all of Alabama — Democrat, Republican and independent, young and old, black and white, rich and poor," Robert Bentley told the crowd at Montgomery's Dexter Avenue King Memorial Baptist Church, according to the Birmingham News. "If you're a Christian and you're saved... it makes you and me brother and sister... if we don't have the same daddy, we're not brothers and sisters. So anybody here today who has not accepted Jesus Christ as their savior, I'm telling you, you're not my brother and you're not my sister..."

So if his wife is Christian, does that mean he's committing incest?

UPDATE: The governor has offered a half-assed, non-apology apology:

"What I would like to do is apologize. Should anyone who heard those words and felt disenfranchised, I want to say, 'I'm sorry.'"

(emphasis mine)

Monk Love



The New York Times has an interesting article about two Buddhist Americans, Michael Roach and Christie McNally, who have vowed never to separate by more than 15 feet. And... they're celibate.

"[Michael] is a good guy and learned person, but the Bill Clinton question lingers over him," said Lama Surya Das, an American Buddhist who studied in Tibet and wrote “Awakening the Buddha Within." "He is with a much younger blond bombshell. What is a deep relationship that is not sexual? It is hard to understand."

Hmm. "What is a deep relationship that is not sexual?" Sounds like Lama Das is one horny bastard.

Of course, it is a bit hard to understand how going against one's biological imperative is spiritual. Especially since following such a course would... you know... sort of bring about the end to one's lineage. And if we can't have kids to thrust our strange beliefs on, then who will lead our cult spiritual revolution once we go off to that big yurt in the sky?

After all, celibacy was not exactly a big draw for the Shakers.

Why would a religion include a mandate to promote the eventual extinction of the human race? Because that's what would happen if everyone suddenly went celibate. Didn't anyone see Children of Men?!?!


No kids? Shakers wish.

But I do think Michael and Christie are on to something. They've built a relationship out of mutual respect and genuine care for one another. They watch out for each other, and they're there for each other, all of the time. Maybe if we focused a little less on sex and just a bit more on that other stuff, then we wouldn't all be divorcing each other, cheating with hookers and hiring hit men to off our significant others. After all, if these two could stay together after sleeping in a smelly yurt night after night, then isn't there hope for Eliot and Silda Spitzer?

Perhaps those two should consider the 15 feet rule.

Opiate Of The Asses



I'm not ashamed to say it. I believe in God. Does he have a white beard and a deep, booming voice? Does he really dig pipe organ music?? I'm not so sure.

But what I am sure of is this. One reason God doesn't appear to us is that a good number of us humans are totally, freaking nuts.

Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock are among several celebrities who have restraining orders against some of their overly rabid fans. Can you imagine how many restraining orders God would have to get if he was walking around down here? Have you seen some of these nutballs???


God Would Not Give This Woman An Autograph

Two recent stories are perfect examples of how looney tunes some of these so-called religious people can be.

In the Sudan, a nation known for its religious tolerance and abundant good cheer, a British schoolteacher at the Unity High School was sentenced to 15 days in jail for allowing her elementary school class to name a teddy bear "Mohammad."

Nevermind that "Mohammad" is the MOST POPULAR NAME IN THE MUSLIM WORLD. For some reason, it's ok to give the name Mohammad to your son (who may grow up to become a drug addict, criminal, or any number of things offensive to the prophet's name), but to give that name to a teddy bear is illegal.

Fortunately, the Sudanese people are outraged by the verdict. Unfortunately, they're outraged because they believe the teacher's punishment was NOT STRONG ENOUGH.

At least 600 Islamic demonstrators spilled out of mosques after prayers, chanting: "By soul, by blood, I will fight for the Prophet Mohammad."

Some of the protesters demanded the teacher's execution, according to The Associated Press. The agency reports that some chanted: "No tolerance: Execution" and "Kill her, kill her by firing squad."

"Imprisoning this lady does not satisfy the thirst of Muslims in Sudan," a prominent cleric added.

Apparently, these extremist Muslims believe that even with all the poverty, war, and endless misery in the Islamic world, God is most pissed off that some teacher would have the nerve to let her students name a stuffed animal after his prophet.

If God wants his followers to murder someone over that... well just imagine what other offenses he wants his people to kill for.

Extremist Islamic Guy: Excuse me, sir, what are you doing?

Guy: What?

ETG: You double-dipped the chip.

Guy: Excuse me?

ETG: You dipped the chip, took a bite, and then you dipped again.

Guy: So?

ETG: Infidel!!!! (stabs guy with knife)

George Is Lucky He's Not In Sudan

I'm no prophet, but I think the almighty has more important things to worry about.

The other story in the news today is even more tragic. A 14-year-old boy had a 70% chance of surviving leukemia if he got a blood transfusion. He chose not to.

Why? he was a Jehovah's Witness. And they don't believe in blood transfusions. According to the boy's religion, he wasn't allowed to live. God wanted him to die.

The same God that allowed mankind to create medical breakthroughs that could save his life, didn't want the boy to use those medical breakthroughs to save his life.

These may be extreme examples, but they're not the only ones. There's people who say we'd all be better off without religion. I don't think that's true. But clearly, we'd be better off if God could just get restraining orders against all the nutjobs.

Perhaps he should hire Nicole's lawyer.

Creamy, Chocolaty Christ Offends Catholics



Your tastebuds salivated when New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin announced plans to rebuild the city out of chocolate. Now, chocolate-lovers, there's a way to satisfy your sweet tooth and your need for spiritual fulfilment. That's right. Your own, personal, chocolate Jesus.

Now I'm Jewish, so I can't claim to know what the hubbub is about the guy, but clearly, he was someone special. And I know the Catholics love eating his body. But I could never understand why that body was made out of little bland wafer cookies. I always thought, hey, if this guy's so special, how come he doesn't taste more delicious??

Clearly, artist Cosimo Cavallaro feels the same way. Which is why, I assume, he re-created Jesus's body in all his chocolaty glory. He planned on putting it on display at a hotel here in New York City. Strangely, some people are offended by Cosimo's depiction. Perhaps they're diabetics.

Apparently, the main point of contention is the fact that choco-Jesus is naked. I can see why this is an issue. Who wants to be the guy stuck with.. er.. eating the messiah's you-know-what? I'm sure it's just as tasty as the rest of our savior, but so totally not worth the jokes you'll have to endure.

Still, I'm surprised at the backlash. Bill Donahue (no relation to Phil), head of the Catholic League, called it "one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities ever." The Romans throwing them to the lions coming in a close second, of course.

"All those involved are lucky that angry Christians don’t react the way extremist Muslims do when they’re offended—otherwise they may have more than their heads cut off," Bill said.

You said it Bill. If only Christians weren't so damn non-violent, then you could carry out the revenge you really desire!


Not As Friendly As He Looks...

Part of me thinks there might be a bit of a racial thing here. Would Bill be opposed to a Jesus made from white chocolate?? Think about it.

Or perhaps they simply wanted him covered in a candy shell. After all, you want Jesus to melt in your heart, not in your hands.

(insert boooos here)

And this is not even the first time a holy figure has been depicted in chocolate form. Just last year, God himself designed a chocolate Virgin Mary. "I have big problems right now, personally, and lately I've been saying that God doesn't exist," the woman who found the chocolate virgin said. "This has given me renewed faith."

If a three inch Virgin Mary could restore one woman's faith, think about what a 6 foot tall chocolate Jesus could do. Alas, we won't find out. After much complaining, the unveiling of the chocolate Jesus was cancelled.

The Catholic League, in the Christian spirit of forgiveness, had this to say:

“While we are delighted with the outcome, we are not pleased with the comments of the gallery’s creative director, Matt Semler. For him to say that our objection to this outrageous display constitutes hate speech and is the equivalent of a fatwa shows how deliriously irresponsible this man is.

“Because we did not like the way the Roger Smith Hotel handled the decision to drop the display, we have no intention of contacting the 500 organizations that we alerted to this assault on Christian sensibilities to inform them that the exhibition has been cancelled.”

Because, apparently, the Catholic League wants its members to waste their time traveling to the hotel, only to find out they've already succeeded. That'll show em!!?

As a Jew, I may never be able to understand why people believe Jesus is made out of crackers. But from what I've seen and read about, I don't think Jesus would be too upset about this whole chocolate thing. I mean, people nailed him to a cross... is he really gonna get in a tizzy about someone portraying him as a dessert? It seems to me that if he was a-ok with the first thing, then this whole chocolate business wouldn't really faze him.

So Cosimo, consider this an open invite to bring your sweet savior over to my place. As long as I get to choose which part to eat first.

Golden Calf To Welcome Visitors To Billy Graham Memorial



According to The Washington Post, a talking cow will greet visitors to the Billy Graham Memorial, which will give tourists a chance to walk all over Billy's grave.

Disturbing.

What's with the children of famous people wanting to make their parents into a joke post-mortem? Ted Williams's son froze his dad's dismembered corpse. Now Billy's kids want to make their dad's grave the conclusion to a Mr.-Toad's-Wild-Ride-Kiddie-Theme-Park-Adventure.

"Hey Kids!! You know how you wanted to go to Disney World???"

"Yeah!!!!"

"Well, instead, we're going to the place where legendary evangelist Billy Graham was reduced to a cheesy toursit trap!"

"Yayyyy!!!"

I think I join Billy in saying, "Jesus."

Let it be known. When I die, I want to be buried like a normal person. In a cemetery.

On Mars.