Midtown Apartment For Sale... WTF Is That Mystery Room??

On this blog from time to time I’ve featured some "interesting" apartments I found on StreetEasy. There was the apartment with the shower bigger than the rest of the apartment; there was the place virtually staged to look like the scene of a cult suicide; and of course, who could forget the apartment that came with a giant hairy spider in the bathroom? This one, however, might be the wildest because it features a mystery room where, you can totally trust us, nobody is hiding in the dark watching you, we promise.

Seriously, look at this:

Low monthlies, prime amenities... what’s the catch?

This room at the Lombardy Hotel (not to be confused with Vince Lombardi, of NFL fame) is the “perfect pied-a-terre and investment property,” a hotel room you can own for use as your private sex pad or rent out—by the night, presumably—for some passive income. The maintenance fee is high but that includes electric and cable (not specified: free pay per view?) and housekeeping service twice a day, plus a fitness center, on-site salon and concierge. It’s a studio, and has all the charm of a state highway Best Western, but the price is right for the neighborhood and it’s got a walk-in closet—most New Yorkers would dream of that—complete with a hotel safe:

How many apartments come with a robe and slippers?

But then... upon closer glance at the floorplan, an oddity:

There’s only one way in or out. 

There's a... mystery room. Okay, sure, it’s a hotel. It’s not your typical apartment. Housekeeping comes twice a day after all... Maybe this is where they keep the clean towels? But my mind gets wondering. Do I have the choice to not let housekeeping into my room? Can I go green? Maybe it’s something mechanical behind that door? Just some pipes or circuit breakers? Or maybe...

Then I see the pictures:

Looks clean modern, nice bookshelves... hey wait. 

That is a door. 

That, for the visually challenged, is a door entirely blocked by bookshelves, full of books. On the bottom shelf, there’s even a vase and what looks like it could be a Pinewood Derby trophy.

I won one year.. I think.

This is where I seriously start to wonder. If the maids or maintenance needed to access the room, the door wouldn't be so covered up, right? Do they clear the shelves and move them every time they need to get in? Doesn't that put the vase at risk?

What is inside this mystery room that is so conveniently located between the shower and the bed? Can building folks just enter through the apartment to hang out in the room whenever they want? Is there a secret entrance to the room that's not on the floorpan? I WANT TO KNOW!

Mr. Lombardy takes a "passionate interest" in his guests.

All kidding aside, I'm sure there is a reasonable explanation why this mystery room exists and why the owner of the apartment must never ever go inside, no matter what sounds are coming from in there.

After all, it's not like whomever built the building would have had any motivation for spying on hotel guests to find out and reveal their most scandalous secrets. Who built this hotel anyways?

"Built in 1926 by William Randolph Hearst..."

Hmm.

Still a pretty good deal for $499,000.

It’s Collusion

Donald Trump didn’t collude with Russia to steal the 2016 election, he says. Okay. Even if Robert Mueller didn’t completely exonerate the president, he couldn’t find the evidence that he did—there was no cooperative witness, no smoking gun document.

This time it’s different. Did The Donald bully (#BeBest) Ukraine to help him steal the 2020 election? We not only have a credible whistleblower, citing more than a half dozen potential witnesses, but we have a document released by the White House that backs up every accusation.

And keep in mind—the “transcript” provided by the White House only contains the sanitized version Trump and his cronies thought would be less damaging to share. The word for word transcript, which White House officials allegedly ordered to be buried on a “code word level” server intended only for the nations most sensitive secrets, is presumably far worse!

(One wonders how Mueller’s investigation would have proceeded if he had this evidence of a crime and coverup. It’s a question likely to be asked of Mueller by some enterprising journalist, and who knows, given Trump’s continued insults, Mueller just might drop his “no comments” to answer it.)

What’s more, it wasn’t only Ukraine. Rudy Giuliani, in his established role as most ghoulish spokesperson for the administration, has been on a world tour of sorts urging multiple countries to investigate Trump’s political rivals based on conspiracy theories launched on internet chumbucket sites like 4chan. If the standard for impeachment was working in concert with another country to influence the outcome of an election, then Trump’s transcript of his call proves we’ve reached that standard, and Giuliani’s actions make it all the more brazen. Trump defenders who move the goalposts further to say collusion requires a criminal act (like hacking) can’t make these actions sound any less treasonous or corrupt, as much as they may try.

The dizzying array of scandals, crimes and corruption emanating from the White House has been at times difficult to keep up with—one reason among many why I abandoned writing on this blog for a while.

This one though, is substantive. This one follows through on a narrative that has been ongoing since the very beginning of the Trump presidency:

Unable or unwilling to do anything that improves the lives of ordinary Americans, Trump colludes with powerful allies—Fox News, Russian propaganda outfits—to spread lies and misinformation that divide our country and secure his power.

This time, maybe, he won’t get away with it.

Trump Supporters Cite 3-Year-Old Article About A Fixed Problem

Exclusive: US May Have Let 'Dozens' of Terrorists Into Country As Refugees

Wow! What a headline. That definitely supports Donald Trump's order to ban all refugees from this country.

Oh, except it's from 2013?

By JAMES GORDON MEEK CINDY GALLI and BRIAN ROSS Nov. 20, 2013

About something that happened in 2009?

The discovery in 2009 of two al Qaeda-Iraq terrorists living as refugees in Bowling Green, Kentucky...

And the oversight was addressed in 2011?

"An ABC News investigation of the flawed U.S. refugee screening system, which was overhauled two years ago..."

Well, they did catch two guys who slipped through. What percentage of the Iraqi refugees was that exactly?

Most of the more than 70,000 Iraqi war refugees in the U.S. are law-abiding immigrants eager to start a new life in America, state and federal officials say.

That comes to roughly .00286%. Rounded up.

Yeah, even two is too many. I hear ya! But if this is the best reasoning you have for banning all refugees from completely different conflicts and countries-- two guys who were caught before they could actually do anything, almost 8 years ago... Well, that sounds like pretty flimsy reasoning.

No one does Google better than a right winger desperately looking for something to cherry pick out of context in order to sustain their worldview.

But hey, f*ck the refugees, right? Their fault for being born in countries destroyed by colonial powers and our own foreign policy.

The Joy of Sadness

By Robbie Republican

I hear a joyful noise outside the window of my new apartment in Trump Tower. A soothing sound that brings happiness to my heart and lifts my soul on the wings of angels. I'm of course talking about the tormented cries of the liberals on the city streets below, bawling their eyes out that America will finally be great again.

The only sound better than the cries, are the cracking skulls.

As I've written before, America's savior Donald Trump couldn't have come at a better time in history. After we finally defeated racism (you're welcome, Obama), brought peace to the middle east by wiping out Saddam Hussein and began to usher in a new era of global prosperity, out came the demoncrats to ruin everything.

They invented #BlackLivesMatter in order to kill police officers and incite a race war, founded ISIS (thanks, Hillary), and gave all our jobs to the Chinese and the Mexicans. Fortunately, we live in a democracy, and this election restored law and order. If only we can stop the liberals from voting entirely, we might have a chance to keep it that way. God knows, we've tried. Maybe we can learn a thing or two from our dear friends, the Russians.

I wish I could pour the tears of all those sissies in a bottle, age it like a fine wine, and then pop the cork in four years when Trump is elected President-for-Life, and toast to their demise. Because nothing says "America is Back, Baby!" more than taking joy in the sadness of others. Where would we be without the Trail of Tears? The Redeemers? Executive Order 9066? Senator Joe McCarthy?

Liberals have no appreciation for our history. Obama even replaced American hero Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill with an unrepentant fugitive and lawbreaker, just because she was a black female. That's racism and sexism. With Trump in charge, you can bet things will go back to the good old days.

The more I see people throughout this country crying, worried about their futures, complaining that they won't be able to afford healthcare for themselves and their families, worried our planet will burn from war and global warming-- I get butterflies.

It reminds me of my first love, Reagan Ronalds, a totally real girl from my high school. Her hair was as red as the blood of our soldiers, and she spoke volumes about how, as a woman, she wanted a country that protected the baby inside her from her own bad decisions, and that she wanted a country where men were men and told her exactly what she had to do, so she didn't have to think too hard. Thinking hurt the tiny brain in her pretty head.

Reagan and I shared a passionate kiss by the lake behind the school, and I promised her right there and then that I would help make an America where women like her would never be expected to do anything, an America where she would be safe from the criminals, terrorists, and journalists.

She asked me how it was possible that I could be so smart and brave, and I told her that I never stopped believing. Believing that one day, a man would come to save us from the weaklings who believed in peace and harmony and equality. A man even smarter and braver than I was, who knew that the best way to make America great was to make half the nation and most of the world quiver in fear and despair. And more nukes. Lots more nukes.

"Could such a man really exist?" she asked me, as I pushed her to her knees.

"He will," I said, looking up at the skies, ever-hopeful for the coming.

I don't know where Reagan Ronalds or our baby are now. But today I imagine she's as happy as I am to see how miserable the people are who don't agree with us. Obama never understood-- all his calls for unity, all his insistence that we were one nation for all-- he never got that America isn't something that can be shared with everyone. It's something reserved for those that truly deserve it. For us, the day has finally come that we can look at our lefty neighbors and proudly say, "Have fun in Canada, losers."

Because if you're not with us, you're against us. If you're against us, you're against America. All the screaming and shouting won't get you anywhere except the inside of a jail cell, cause we have the freedom of speech now.

Ahh, do you hear that sound? A boot stamping on a human face - forever. Sounds like victory to me.

'Til next time comrades-- I'm Robbie American, proud Patriot. God Bless you, and God Bless America.





[Note from Adam: Views of Robbie Republican do not reflect my own... ;)]

Should Barack Obama Pardon Charlie Kushner?

Today Barack Obama pardoned millionaire developer Ian Schrager for his tax fraud in 1980. While he's at it, he should also probably pardon Charlie Kushner.

Charlie Kushner, of course, is Jared Kushner's father, Jared Kushner is Ivanka Trump's husband, and his loyalty to his father-in-law during the Presidential campaign helped elevate him to the powerful position of Senior Advisor to the President-elect (shudder) Donald J. Trump.

Back in 2005, Charlie Kushner was fined more than half a million dollars by the FEC for illegal campaign contributions (to Democrats) and spent 16 months in prison for those contributions, tax evasion, and witness tampering. That witness tampering? Oh, he hired a prostitute to seduce his brother-in-law so he could blackmail him.

Why should Obama pardon Charlie Kushner's misdeeds when his son is in bed with Trump(s)?

1. It's highly likely Trump will do it.

Speculation has swirled that Jared Kushner is out for revenge on those who turned their backs on his family and led to his father's downfall. Reports indicate that he was responsible for pushing New Jersey governor Chris Christie out of Trump's cabinet and transition team (Christie was the prosecutor who went after his father and forced him to take the plea deal). It's almost impossible to fathom Jared getting this far without an interest in securing a pardon for his father, who by all accounts he was close with. By pardoning Kushner before Trump can, Obama takes away any leverage Trump may have over Jared, making sure the newly-elected President can't dangle a pardon in exchange for his son-in-law's acquiescence. Not to mention  he steals Trump's thunder and makes sure that Donald isn't the one who gets to claim he did a great and merciful act for his son-in-law. You know that'll burn Trump, who always wants the credit for everything.

2. Kushner is a longtime loyal Democrat

Until his son married a Trump, and Democratic friends turned their backs on him, Kushner was a steady Democratic donor and ardent supporter of Democratic Party causes. Rewarding him for that loyalty might smooth over the bad blood and help win him and his family back from the dark side (Charlie hosted a fundraiser for Trump last year at the Kushner's seaside estate.)

3. It might help with the Jews.

Despite his unparalleled support for Israel during his Presidency, Barack Obama's reputation has suffered among Jews in this country and abroad due to right-wing propaganda. Why not overturn the narrative by pardoning one of Israel's biggest supporters? Before his conviction, Charlie Kushner, the son of a Holocaust survivor, was one of the world's leading philanthropists for Jewish causes. According to Mark Charendoff, president of the Jewish Funders Network,"If you look at the population of Jewish philanthropists who are committed to the Orthodox world, the Jewish world in general and the broader American community, and then layer on that a deep commitment to the welfare of Israeli society, there’s an awfully short list of people who meet that criteria and have the resources of Charles Kushner.”

Obama has shown that he's not above pardoning millionaires and billionaires who cheated the system. Ian Schrager's philanthropic contributions pale in comparison to Charlie Kushner's.

It's one thing Donald Trump can't publicly bash Obama for doing--and one thing that would certainly piss him off.