A Developing Theory Of Lost


Where The F@#$ Was Shannon???

I've had previous theories of Lost, and I still think at least parts continue to hold up after tonight's crazy "sideback" (as opposed to "flashback" or "flash-forward") episode of Lost.

A few quick thoughts, cause my brain is still frantically trying to find room for all this insanity:

Clearly there are two dogs in this fight, Jacob, who's dead now, and Smokey The Smoke Monster, which can appear as a smoke monster, a guy in a black shirt, John Locke, and anything else it wants to.

Smokey, in John Locke form, states his objective in this episode: To get off the island.

So Jacob has been confining Smokey to the island. Now, with him out of the way, Smokey is presumably free to travel.

The Others are Jacob's army, but at the moment, Smokey doesn't seem too afraid. Maybe because, oh, I don't know, he can turn into a column of smoke that kills everyone.

Which raises the question. What happens if Smokey gets off the island? While a smoke monster might provide an interesting new cast member on Jersey Shore, most likely, Smokey would love nothing more than to wipe out us "pathetic" humans. We're talking the end of the world. We're talking like Eloise Hawking did in that episode "Flashes Before Your Eyes."

From Wikipedia:

When Eloise [posing as a jewlery store clerk] showed him a ring and Desmond told her he would take it, she seemed upset and responded by telling him he would not. After Desmond refused to give the ring back she explained to Desmond that she knows his name, he will break Penny's heart, he will not marry Penny, instead entering the sailing race to prove Penny's father wrong, and he will go to the Island and press the button for three years until forced to turn the failsafe key. She said that if he "doesn't do those things," that "every single one of us is dead

."
Tonight, we saw Desmond on Oceanic Flight 815. Which means that he was never on Lost island. Which means that he never pushed the button. Which means very very bad things are coming for the world... his alternate timeline where Flight 815 lands in LAX.

A timeline, in which, I'm pretty sure, Smokey will escape.

Maybe. Hmm.

What was with the island being underwater?

Anyways, things have clearly changed, in a big way. Light has literally turned to dark. And unless the Losties figure out how to put Smokey back in his ring of ash, both lives-- the ones that landed in LAX, and the ones that flashed to the island, are all going to die.

Anyways, I gotta sleep on this. Wild start to the end.

P.S. As I predicted, Cindy came back-- along with Zach and Emma... who just seem creeeeeepy. So did Captain Norris, even if it was just his voice. 3 Down, 8 to go.

Yankees Employee Screws Up



A Yankees employee accidently clicked "CC" instead of "BCC" in a promotional email she sent to nearly 1,000 people. As a result, she revealed nearly 1000 email addresses to total strangers, some of whom, within minutes, were spamming the others on the list with offers for posters and ticket trades.

A quick rundown of the email addresses reveals people working at financial institutions, media companies, military installations and other places that would definitely not appreciate their work emails being broadcast to potentially unsavory characters.

A follow up email simply was an attempt to recall the message... I think we know how that worked out.

I'll accept an apology in the form of Legends Seats tickets.

Top Ten "Lost" Characters From Lost

The best show in the history of television, Lost, returns Tuesday night, with a new episode at 9:00 Eastern time. However, even the best of shows can seem to forget about some characters which once seemed as if they could be important. Lost, with its ensemble cast and multiple flashbacks, is full of people that made a quick impression upon Lost fans, but seemingly have fallen by the wayside as the series regulars have shuffled through time and space. Here are my ten lost Lost characters I've been wondering about, and my guess as to the chance we'll ever see them again:

10. Achara



Who dat? Played by model/actress Bai Ling, Achara had sex with Jack a lot when he was abroad in Thailand and branded him with a tattoo. A tattoo which got Jack beat up and inspired that weird Others-sheriff-lady-that-looks-sort-of-like-Ms.-Hawking to comment, "He walks among us, but is not one of us."

Why Should I Care? What's the point of the whole Jack tattoo episode? Does his tattoo and his experience in Thailand have anything to do with the larger mythology of Lost, or even Jack's redemptive arc? I want to know.

Chances We'll See Her Again: Close to Ziltch. Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse have been quoted as saying the Jack's tattoo episode is their least favorite, and was made simply to force the ABC execs to greenlight an end date for the series. Still, I'm holding out hope the writers figure out some way to creatively reconcile this loose thread.

9. Captain Seth Norris



Who Dat? The guy who piloted the Losties on their ill fated first flight to the island of odd happenings. Unceremoniously torn apart by Smokey, the lovable death monster.

Why Should I Care? Greg Grunberg, the actor, deserves better than his role on Heroes, which has basically been reduced to squinting really hard and the camera shaking a lot. In a deleted scene of Lost, Captain Seth Norris calms a nervous Claire, sharing some personal history and appearing like a nice guy. What did Smokey have on him that made him death-worthy?

Chances We'll See Him Again: Good. If the survivors succeeded in rewriting history, then the plane doesn't crash, and Captain Norris is no longer smokey food. Only thing holding him back is his er... work with Heroes.

8. Kevin Callis



Who Dat? Kate's husband, of less than six months, a cop who thinks her name is Monica and is drugged by Kate when she decides to run away.

Why Should I Care? Kevin is played by Nathan Fillion, the totally awesome Captain Mal in Firefly and Serenity, and Captain Hammer in Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. He also seems to genuinely care for Kate. He was her best chance for happiness with a guy before the messy love quadrangle of Sawyer, Jack and Juliet. His exit feels a bit unresolved. Wouldn't you seek out your (ex)wife if she did this to you?

Chances We'll See Him Again: Slim, however, Fillion is a favorite of series creator J.J. Abrams, so maybe.

7. Starla



Who Dat? Hurley's love interest. Poor Hugo tells us that she ran off with his best friend, one of many events he attributes to the evil numbers.

Why Should I Care? Cause the big man deserves some love. It seems cold that Hurley's best friend and his crush should run away together, just because of some cursed island numbers. Hurley deserves happiness, and this hottie gave it to him, however briefly.

Chances We'll See Her Again: Low. According to a lot of different sources, Libby will be back this season, which could provide love for Hurley. No room for Starla?

6. Helen



Who Dat? The love of Locke's life. Probably his one greatest regret was betraying her trust and losing her.

Why Should I Care? Because its just so damn sad. We saw Helen again... a tombstone. Locke never got a second chance with her. Never even got a chance to apologize. Locke's relationship with Helen was really the one happy thing in a miserable existence off the island. In a show that's shown time and time again how people can find redemption for past mistakes, Locke seems to have no way to overcome this loss.

Chances Of Seeing Her Again: Medium. If all went to plan, and the plane never crashed, then Locke still has time to be with Helen before she dies (of a brain aneurysm). The question is, will the writers give Locke some semblance of happiness? Or will the evil possessed Locke be the focus of the show's final season?

5. Cindy Chandler



Who Dat? Cindy's the flight attendant who hooks Jack up with extra vodka. She also survives the tail splashdown with Ana Lucia and Co. She also disappears in the woods and reappears with the Others, giddily excited to see Juliet branded with a weird symbol.

Why Should I Care? WTF? Was she one of the others all along? What's the deal with her mystery disappearance? Why's she so chummy with the Others all of the sudden? Does she get offended if you call her a stewardess? I want to know, I need to know.

Chances We'll See Her Again: 100% Call it a hunch [SPOILERS].

4. Zach & Emma


Who Dat? The adorable little tykes who survived the tail section crash, later seen enjoying life with the Others, even though it really doesn't seem like much fun. I mean, I didn't see a Wii, did you?

Why Should I Care? Because they're the only kids who survived the plane crash, and they were on "Jacob's List." Because weren't they traveling home to their mother, who is presumably distraught over them? Because it's way creepy to think of the Others' obsession with children. What's the story?

Chances We'll See Them Again: I'd say good. You can't just completely ignore the fact that children survived the crash, were taken away, and then were never heard from again. Presumably, they're in the temple with the Others, and have either gone through Walt-like growth spurts since we last saw them or have changed their appearance due to different child actors portraying them.

3. Beatrice Klugh




Who dat? Creepy lady who held Walt captive and spoke Russian with Mikhail, the one-eyed guy, right before she asked him to shoot her.

Why Should I Care? Hello? Her name is Klugh. Like, as in, CLUE. She's got to mean something. We were led to believe she was a leader of some sort in the Others. Why'd she choose to sacrifice herself? Did she? Is she actually still alive, like Mikhail appeared to be, time and time again? What did she mean when she told Michael that Walt was special?

Chances We'll See Her Again: Medium. I can't believe they would introduce a character like this only to kill her off with no explanation. That sounds more like another show, ahem Heroes.

2. Libby



Who dat? Talk about a pivotal character. She not only gives Desmond the boat which he uses to sail to the island, she becomes Hurley's love interest and driving force behind his heroism.

Why Should I Care? Because it turned out she was in the damn MENTAL INSTITUTION! WITH HURLEY!!!! LOOKIN ALL CRAAAAZY! And for the love of all things holy, you can't just leave that unexplained.

Chances We'll See Her Again: 100%. The media has reported it, and frankly, anything less than 100% odds that Libby would be coming back would deeply disturb me. You just gotta explain that mental institution shocker.

1. Annie



Who dat? The little island girl who gives Ben the first birthday present he's ever received without the words "that's for killing your mother" attached to it. Ben keeps the doll to this day, a reminder that he was a child once, in love with a girl.

Why Should I Care? WHAT HAPPENS TO ANNIE!?! We never see it in flashbacks. Does she die in the purge? Does she join the Others? Is she... Kate? (Not sure how that's possible, but it's a theory people have). The people demand to know.

Chances We'll See Her Again: Medium. I want to say 100%. Cause its a loose thread that dangles a bit too loose. What's the point in featuring her in an episode if we never find out what happens? Ben lingered on that doll a bit too long for us to ignore it. But... well... we saw young Ben last season, and at no time was he in the company of Annie. So whats the deal? Did the writers just forget? That's not really allowed.

I can't wait till tomorrow. I'm spinning the donkey wheel to see if I can end up on Feb. 2nd, 2010 at 9:00 PM. Wish me luck.

How Long Until We Learn What J.D. Salinger Was Working On All Those Years?




Salinger Passes Away At Age 91

You know, besides the whole drinking his own urine and speaking in tongues stuff...

Stuff I Wish Existed Instead Of The Ipad

Ok, so the iPad was somewhat of a disappointment. I wish Apple had offered up something other than a giant iPhone that fixes few of the shortcomings of the original, more portable version. In fact, I came up with a few devices I wish Apple, or someone else, would come up with:

The "Hula":



A portable device that is Hulu-capable. There were rumors of an iPhone Hulu app almost a year ago, but nothing has surfaced. Hulu allows users to stream hundreds of TV shows, both old and new, for the low low price of... free. It would be awesome to watch TV shows anywhere. There could even be an option to download the show (for a fee) to watch later (like on a plane or somewhere without wi-fi or cellular service. Furthermore, the device could stream shows from other websites, like ABC.com (Lost), comedycentral.com (South Park) and others. You can already watch these on your computer for free... why not your phone, or some other portable device?

The "Satchel":



A satellite-capable cell phone, able to access both Direct TV and Sirius/XM radio from anywhere. Here's what makes this great. There's a limit to how much data can be sent over 3G, or even tomorrow's 4G cellular networks. So even if Apple gives us a device that streams video other than YouTube and all that, load times could still be slow when a million people are trying to view content at once. Satellite, however, doesn't have this problem. The satellites send a signal, all you need is a device that unscrambles that signal. Sirius already makes a portable player. Could these two satellite titans join forces and create the ultimate media device?

The "Gamepod":


I Got Tired Of Using MS Paint, SO I Took This From The Internet

Your PSP can play movies, surf the internet, and play videogames. The Nintendo DS has dual touchscreens. Your iPhone and Blackberry meanwhile, claim they can play games, but its still not the ultimate gaming experience. Why not create a device with the ergonomics of a portable game system with the functionality of a smartphone?

Yeah yeah, I know:

NGage

But that thing is Ugly. If we had given up on an Apple phone after the Motorola Rokr disaster, where would we be today?

A Nintendo or PSP Phone? Are you really gonna tell me that's a bad idea?

Any company interested in following up on these ideas, please contact me. I have no technical expertise, but I'll gladly take a 1 million dollar idea fee.

(plus a lot on the back end)