Senate Makes South Dakota Safe From Terror
In a move that will be loudly applauded for its nobility and intelligence, the Senate yesterday made an amendment to Homeland Security spending. If you'll recall, the previous system gave more money to Alaska than New York. Finally, the Senators realized their mistake.
They were giving New York too much money!
History, common sense, the lives of millions be damned. Next year is an election year, and no congressman wants to go back to Nebraska and say to his constituents, "Sorry guys, I couldn't get us the security funds we don't need."
California, New York, New Jersey, Texas, and Illinois, places where our nation has the most people and is most vulnerable, will suffer security budget cutbacks while South Dakota, Wyoming, and Montana (combined population: 4) will recieve cutting edge technology: stealth helicopters, robo-cops, and x-ray beams, courtesy of a generous federal government.
Who supported the shift in anti-terror funds?
Good ol' Joltin Joe "I-Can't-Believe-They-Still-Think-I'm-A-Democrat" Lieberman.
It's hard to believe, after the London attacks, that congressmen from small states could be so callous as to deny proper funding where our nation's security is truly at stake. Red staters are quick to declare themselves "more patriotic," and Republicans are quick to scream "Treason" at every liberal American they meet, but these people won't stand up and say, "Hey, wait a minute... shouldn't we do what's necessary to protect our nation from terrorist attacks, even if the most likely targets are in blue states?"
Yesterday's action by the Senate once again shows the truth about our system. The senators will make grand statements into microphones when everyone is watching, but behind closed doors, when it comes to taking action for the good of the country, they too often have their heads up their asses.
Friday, July 15, 2005
Thursday, July 14, 2005
We Are The World
A new poll shows how people in different countries think about people of certain religious faiths.
As you can see, they hate Adam Sandler in Jordan. And they don't like half of Courtney Love.
Communist China, of course, hates all religions equally.
But perhaps most enlightening was another question on the poll: "Do you have confidence in Bin Laden to do the right thing?"
As you can see, Bin Laden's approval rating has gone down... except in Jordan and Pakistan, where Osama has an insane, loyal following, similar to that of David Hasselhoff in Germany.
Meanwhile, Bush's approval rating is down as well. Only 47% think he's doing a good job. Except in Texas, where GW has an insane, loyal following, similar to that of Alyssa Milano in Japan.
With most of the people they claim to be fighting for against them, why do Bin Laden and Bush continue this war? Why do both leaders refuse to listen to the people? The majority of Muslims living in Muslim countries, even though they hate Jews (and America), believe that Bin Laden is wrong. So he should stop. The majority of Americans think Bush is wrong. So he should stop.
Either that, or Texas and Jordan can go to war with each other and leave the rest of us out of it.
A new poll shows how people in different countries think about people of certain religious faiths.
As you can see, they hate Adam Sandler in Jordan. And they don't like half of Courtney Love.
Communist China, of course, hates all religions equally.
But perhaps most enlightening was another question on the poll: "Do you have confidence in Bin Laden to do the right thing?"
As you can see, Bin Laden's approval rating has gone down... except in Jordan and Pakistan, where Osama has an insane, loyal following, similar to that of David Hasselhoff in Germany.
Meanwhile, Bush's approval rating is down as well. Only 47% think he's doing a good job. Except in Texas, where GW has an insane, loyal following, similar to that of Alyssa Milano in Japan.
With most of the people they claim to be fighting for against them, why do Bin Laden and Bush continue this war? Why do both leaders refuse to listen to the people? The majority of Muslims living in Muslim countries, even though they hate Jews (and America), believe that Bin Laden is wrong. So he should stop. The majority of Americans think Bush is wrong. So he should stop.
Either that, or Texas and Jordan can go to war with each other and leave the rest of us out of it.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
The Big Mac Diet
It's the summer, which means, inevitably, you will find yourself on a beach, basking in the sun's beautiful, sparkling, carcinogenic rays, crying because you just saw the hottest girl/guy pass and you didn't suck in your gut in time.
How can us Fatty-Six-Rolls ever lose weight?
Turns out, the secret was right under our noses all along: The Golden Arches.
Merab Morgan Loses 132 Quarter-Pounders on McDonalds Diet
Hey Fatties, Forget Slim Fast... Get Slim with Fast Food!!: Here
Then again... it may not be the best idea.
Other Delectable Diets:
Of course, if you're sexually promiscuous, you may want to go on an all broccoli diet.
Live Forever! Eat Chocolate
You may want to rethink that Atkins diet.
Well, I'm off to lunch. A Big Mac, broccoli, a Hershey bar, and six rolls should have me living well into my 90's with no gut to speak of.
The broccoli? Oh, uh.. I'm just eating that for its... cancer fighting properties...
It's the summer, which means, inevitably, you will find yourself on a beach, basking in the sun's beautiful, sparkling, carcinogenic rays, crying because you just saw the hottest girl/guy pass and you didn't suck in your gut in time.
How can us Fatty-Six-Rolls ever lose weight?
Turns out, the secret was right under our noses all along: The Golden Arches.
Merab Morgan Loses 132 Quarter-Pounders on McDonalds Diet
Hey Fatties, Forget Slim Fast... Get Slim with Fast Food!!: Here
Then again... it may not be the best idea.
Other Delectable Diets:
Of course, if you're sexually promiscuous, you may want to go on an all broccoli diet.
Live Forever! Eat Chocolate
You may want to rethink that Atkins diet.
Well, I'm off to lunch. A Big Mac, broccoli, a Hershey bar, and six rolls should have me living well into my 90's with no gut to speak of.
The broccoli? Oh, uh.. I'm just eating that for its... cancer fighting properties...
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Bin Laden Strikes London
Eyewitness Reactions, Here.
When I was in London, my sophomore year in high school, I stayed in Russell Square, in a 60's era hotel a few feet away from where, this morning, a double decker bus was blown apart by a terrorist bomb.
It was a different time back then. We were in the glory years of the Clinton Administration, just after Clinton's re-election and just before the Monica Lewinsky scandal. Three years after Oklahoma city. One year before Columbine. Sure, there was war in the world, but it was remote. It was a peaceful time in America.
Now, it's hard to picture anywhere being peaceful. From the beaches of Bali to the city streets of New York, nowhere seems safe. I'm sure that Fearless Leader will use this opportunity to remind Americans that we've gone without a terrorist attack in this country for four years. But the truth is, back in '98, a mere three years since a major terrorist attack, the vast majority of Americans felt safe. With this feeling of safety came a booming economy, unparalelled drops in violent crime, and a media so bored with everything that it decided a blow job would be the biggest story of the 90's.
Why did we feel so safe?
Timothy McVeigh was behind bars.
The "War on Terror," in that case, lasted 90 minutes, which is how long it took for police to arrest McVeigh for driving without a license.
Meanwhile, here we are, well over two million minutes into the war on terror, and Bin Laden, McVeigh times thirty, is on the loose-- and his affiliates are still fighting in the name of his organization.
How can anyone look at what Bush has done the past four years and think that he somehow made us safer? On vacation during initial terror warnings, reading My Pet Goat on Judgement Day, letting Bin Laden go at Tora Bora, entering us into a nonsensical quagmire in Iraq, and giving more terrorism fighting funds to Nome, Alaska than to New York City, New York??? What exactly has Bush done to make us safer other than give us a nice little rainbow warning system that changes colors based on political need? Do YOU feel safe??
Yes, it's been four years of no tragedy in America. But the number of Americans dying in Iraq is rapidly approaching 9/11's death toll. And todays bombings in London show that the terrorists are still perfectly capable of organizing a large scale attack, even under the supposedly more watchful eyes of the world's governments.
And hanging over all of us are the ghosts from 9/11, wondering why their killer hasn't been brought to justice.
Eyewitness Reactions, Here.
When I was in London, my sophomore year in high school, I stayed in Russell Square, in a 60's era hotel a few feet away from where, this morning, a double decker bus was blown apart by a terrorist bomb.
It was a different time back then. We were in the glory years of the Clinton Administration, just after Clinton's re-election and just before the Monica Lewinsky scandal. Three years after Oklahoma city. One year before Columbine. Sure, there was war in the world, but it was remote. It was a peaceful time in America.
Now, it's hard to picture anywhere being peaceful. From the beaches of Bali to the city streets of New York, nowhere seems safe. I'm sure that Fearless Leader will use this opportunity to remind Americans that we've gone without a terrorist attack in this country for four years. But the truth is, back in '98, a mere three years since a major terrorist attack, the vast majority of Americans felt safe. With this feeling of safety came a booming economy, unparalelled drops in violent crime, and a media so bored with everything that it decided a blow job would be the biggest story of the 90's.
Why did we feel so safe?
Timothy McVeigh was behind bars.
The "War on Terror," in that case, lasted 90 minutes, which is how long it took for police to arrest McVeigh for driving without a license.
Meanwhile, here we are, well over two million minutes into the war on terror, and Bin Laden, McVeigh times thirty, is on the loose-- and his affiliates are still fighting in the name of his organization.
How can anyone look at what Bush has done the past four years and think that he somehow made us safer? On vacation during initial terror warnings, reading My Pet Goat on Judgement Day, letting Bin Laden go at Tora Bora, entering us into a nonsensical quagmire in Iraq, and giving more terrorism fighting funds to Nome, Alaska than to New York City, New York??? What exactly has Bush done to make us safer other than give us a nice little rainbow warning system that changes colors based on political need? Do YOU feel safe??
Yes, it's been four years of no tragedy in America. But the number of Americans dying in Iraq is rapidly approaching 9/11's death toll. And todays bombings in London show that the terrorists are still perfectly capable of organizing a large scale attack, even under the supposedly more watchful eyes of the world's governments.
And hanging over all of us are the ghosts from 9/11, wondering why their killer hasn't been brought to justice.
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